Dear “Michele the Matchmaker”

I am a single woman who would like to meet a man to enjoy his companionship and have a potentially long-term relationship. I work from my home and have very little opportunity to meet available men. Going to bars is no longer an option for me. I am burned out on them! I would like to join a dating service but my income will not allow me to do so as they can be very expensive. Recently I’ve been thinking about using the personal ads and/or the internet for dating. What do you think about those avenues? Are they safe?

Sincerely,

“I Wanna Meet a Man”

Dear “I Wanna Meet a Man”

Although I am now a Matchmaker, I used to volunteer as a counselor for a Rape Crisis Center in Denver (RAAP). In our training they taught us that one of the most successful ways rapists find their victims is through personal ads in either the newspaper or on the Internet. By placing an ad either in the paper or on the Internet, neither of which is monitored for security (perfect for a criminal type), you are announcing that you probably live alone, are not married or involved and quite vulnerable. Although there have been some successful unions through ads and the Internet, there have also been an abundance of stalking scenarios as well as rapes and murders. There have been many stories on the news about pedophiles using chat rooms, etc. and lying to children about their age then seducing the child to meet with them.  If they do that with children, why wouldn’t they do that with women?

Now catfishing is popular where a person misrepresents themselves to you online, never meets you, gets money from you, or at the very least your heart and may even be the same sex that you are.  Many stories of this in the media these days!

My advice is to either save up for a membership into a service, use a personal matchmaker which would be half as expensive as a dating service, where you would have control over who you meet, join a religious singles’ group and/or ask friends to set you up (with people they REALLY know).

Dear “Michele the Matchmaker”

I joined a dating service to meet some eligible men and was very disappointed. Also this service did not show pictures, videos or even let me select my own dates. They sent me a list of people they thought would be suitable for me. I’ve cancelled my membership with them but now I’m skeptical about using another service. What should I do?

“Skeptical”

Dear “Skeptical”

With regard to the dating service you were in, I’m sure they explained how the service worked before you joined. The fact that they didn’t use pictures or videos and that they select your introductions based on what information you gave them. So knowing all of that, you decided to join anyway then were disappointed. If that style of dating service was not what you wanted there are many other options. Be a smart shopper like with anything else. First think about what would be the best style for you, then call around and find out prices and the various structures of dating services that are available. If you want very personal attention, to control how much you spend and to have full control over who you meet, you may choose a matchmaker.

If you like fancy offices, videos and to work on your own finding a match, choose a large franchise service.

If you are very active and want to meet people through activities, join an adventure group but know that most people join an activity group more for the activities.

There are also services that do psychological profiles and match in that way. So as you can see, there are many choices. Take your time, listen to what each one offers and decide which style is best for you.

Dear “Michele the Matchmaker”

I am currently married, but have been unhappy for years! I’m afraid to leave the marriage for fear that women will not find me desirable. I’ve been married since my early 20’s. At 51 I am still looking for the “perfect” woman. I am a successful businessman who is a bit overweight, about 5′ 5″ tall with thinning hair (on top). Since I’ve never had children, I am looking to meet a woman in her early or mid thirties to have a family with. I feel I have alot to offer as I am financially well off and I want an attractive, young woman as my partner. Based on your experience, how successful do you think I would be?

“Desirable?”

Dear “Desirable?”

Let me start by saying there is no “perfect woman” or man for that matter. You will always be dissatisfied if you strive for perfection. If you mean more perfect for you than your current relationship, there certainly is a possibility that there may be a more appropriate match.

Based on my experience from my female clients over a 24 year period, most women in their thirties who are looking to start families are looking for men close to their own age. Maybe five years younger or older. A personalized matchmaker could work with you directly and match you with as many of your preferences as possible, finding you the most realistic and appropriate companions, if and when you become SINGLE!

Perhaps you should stop fantasizing about a different life and put those thoughts and energies into your present relationship. Start dating and wooing your wife and things may change right in your own backyard!