To quote the brilliant Albert Einstein, “The definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” This was requoted to me by a new client prior to his interview as the reason he decided to stop using Internet dating sites and work with a professional Denver Matchmaker.
So that along with his age range which I found to be very appropriate and open-mindedness led me to believe that this would be a client who would be flexible and approach selecting matches differently than when he used the Internet dating sites. Oh contrar…after viewing about 15 profiles and selecting one and one maybe I could see that the above quote, although recited by him, was not really how he felt and operated.
This is his logic in his selection process:
He has grown children and prefers someone who has had children BECAUSE that is a comfortable and natural place to start conversing. So he shied away from women without children. This would be an opportunity for him to stretch beyond his own comfort zone and learn how to converse and connect with anyone whether they’ve had children or not.
He’s 5’10” and did not want to meet anyone shorter than 5’4″ or taller than 5’8″. No women with younger children under 13. Because of allergies no women with multiple pets, ONLY really gorgeous women, etc., etc. and the list goes on. It became clear that he was selecting exactly as he had on the Internet sites which he found unsuccessful.
So going back to the above definition of INSANITY, in his mind the fact that he is working with a Matchmaker is the element of difference from what he had been doing. But in reality if he approaches working with me in the exact same way he did on the Internet he’s apt to get the same results. His perfect match might be someone 5’2″ and pretty or 5’5″ but with younger children or 5’3″ with no children…you get the idea. Everyone has an idea of the “perfect” person for them based on past experience and preferences. But if you are still alone you need to take a look at those and see which ones you would be willing to negotiate for other great traits. Otherwise you may stay as you are.
If you decide to do something different, do it differently and THEN maybe you will be successful. Happy New Year!