The Good Matchmaker
We tend to measure a successful matchmaker by the number of marriages that result. However, there are many matchmakers who are held in high esteem by their clients, even though their marriage ratio isn’t that high. They’re the matchmakers who really listen to their clients, make suggestions that are close to what their clients are looking for, give their clients encouragement and guidance, and make them feel good about themselves and their dating situation.
Why Matchmaking Clients Need Mentoring
It can take time for a matchmaker to put one match together (thus the open-ended contract in Bon Jour Matchmaking). One might wonder why she should also spend time mentoring her clients. The answer is that getting two people to go out on a date is only the first step in the courtship process. Bon Jour has had hundreds of marriages, many because I corrected miscommunications between clients or lack of communication.
People don’t always meet for the first time and “know” they are meant for each other. Many people struggle through the relationship building process, such as what they should expect to happen at each stage of dating, when they should open up about different subjects, how to pace their dating, what are healthy emotions during dating, what they should learn about each other, whether it’s right to end their interaction (i.e., I just had a couple who went out on about 8 dates and both were wondering whether they should continue since neither was feeling any chemistry. They kept seeing each other due to mutual appreciation for each other’s qualities hoping it would develop, but it hadn’t. I did feel that they would have known whether they had chemistry by this point and suggested, with their agreement, that they move on) and how and when they can tell that someone is right for them. Their matchmaker has good insight and is willing to take the time to be helpful knowing both sides of the story.
A matchmaker can use mentoring skills even if a client doesn’t approach them for advice. She can help set the tone for a successful first meeting and encourage someone who is ambivalent to agree to meeting a potential match. She can tactfully recommend that a client address issues that may interfere with successful dating, such as unrealistic expectations, less-than-optimal social skills or dating skills, not knowing how to maximize their appearance, or an emotional issue from their past that may be blocking them from moving forward.
All in all, matchmakers who mentor their clients as the need arises can make the difference between a match that doesn’t progress well and one that leads to a happy, enduring relationship.
Bon Jour Matchmaking Service 