The Good Matchmaker

We tend to measure a successful matchmaker by the number of marriages that result from her suggestions. However, there are many matchmakers who are held in high esteem by their clients, even though their suggestion-to-marriage ratio isn’t that high. They’re the matchmakers who really listen to their clients, make suggestions that are close to what their clients are looking for, give their clients encouragement and guidance, and make them feel good about themselves and their dating situation.

Why Matchmaking Clients Need Mentoring

It can take hours of work for a matchmaker to put one match together. One might wonder why she should also spend time mentoring her clients. The answer is that getting two people to go out on a date is only the first step in the courtship process.

A man and woman don’t always meet for the first time and “know” they are meant for each other. They often come to that realization after they develop a relationship. Many people struggle through the relationship-building process, such as what they should expect to happen at each stage of courtship, when they should open up about different subjects, how to pace their dating, what are healthy emotions during courtship, what they should learn about each other, whether it’s right to end a courtship, and how and when they can tell that someone is right for them. Who can they turn to for guidance on these subjects? Their matchmaker, provided he or she is knowledgeable, has good insight and is willing to take the time to be helpful.

A matchmaker can use mentoring skills even if a client doesn’t approach them for advice. She can help set the tone for a successful first date and encourage someone who is ambivalent to agree to a second date. She can tactfully recommend that a client address issues that may interfere with successful dating, such as unrealistic expectations, less-than-optimal social skills or dating skills, not knowing how to maximize their appearance, or an emotional issue from their past that may be blocking them from moving forward. All in all, matchmakers who mentor their clients as the need arises can make the difference between a match that doesn’t progress well and one that leads to a happy, enduring marriage.

The Matchmaker-Client Relationship

The guidelines can include:

a.  A description of the procedure you’ll follow if you have a suitable match (who gets called first, when are names and telephone numbers given out, who arranges the actual date).

b.  A disclaimer that you don’t guarantee finding someone for them, and that it may take time before you have suitable idea to discuss with them.

c.  A list of your telephone hours and the emergent circumstances under which clients can call you at other times.

When shopping for a Denver matchmaker or Denver matchmaking service the above suggestions are a good place to start.

Published by Michele "the Matchmaker" Fields

I have been a professional Matchmaker for 34 years in Denver, CO. My service, Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, has facilitated 300+ marriages of 600+ Colorado Front Range singles through hand holding, personalized matchmaking. For more information go to

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