Michele the Matchmaker Shares Excerpts From 5280
Magazine’s Article from February, 2009
(Click on the blue print to go to Posts)
No. 1: Lack of Dating Know-How: Few things about dating are more apparent than this. We are just plain bad at it. It’s not that we’ve learned the rules and tossed them out the window. It’s more what we aren’t learning in the formative years of relationship development…we’ve forgotten how to date in a traditional sense because we’re instant gratification junkies (thank you modern technology). We simply aren’t acquiring the skills to successfully start and maintain adult relationships.
No. 2: The Colorado Effect: …Welcome to Colorado, the Twilight Zone of perpetual soul fulfillment and inner happiness. According to Dr. Howard Markman, Coloradans actually aren’t so radiant in the relationship department. In fact, Colorado’s divorce rate is 20% HIGHER than the rest of the country.
To begin with, says Markman, our standards are skewed because of what he’s dubbed the Colorado Effect: “Generally there are higher expectations for happiness here”. “Because people think, I’m in a beautiful place, therefore I should be happy.” In other words, if something’s not perfect, we’re less likely to work at it than those who live somewhere less inspiring. “We have a tendency in relationships to move on too quickly.”
No. 3: The Peter Pan Syndrome: In a state full of “young-at-heart folks” who view recreation as religion, pursuing love might seem less enticing than pursuing a powder stash. How does that shake out in matters of the heart? According to Colorado native ski legend and Vail resident Chris Anthony, “I once read that the highest levels of ADD are in Colorado and the mountain communities. People take that energy and put it into adventure and outdoor activities. Unfortunately, I think that kind of prepackaging you bring to a relationship as you get older carries more weight than the relationship itself.”
What does this mean for his dating life? “It’s horrible. Not healthy. For women, I think the sense of adventure might be there; the thought of it is attractive and romantic. But the reality feels a little unsafe.”
No. 4: Transplant Troubles: So you left your family/job/church/sports loyalties – your life – in another state to move out here. You’re not alone. Metro Denver’s population is rising significantly, and has been growing at a pace quicker than the national rate since the 1930’s. About 53,000 people migrated to the Denver-Aurora metro area between 2006 and 2007 alone. What that means for singletons is a tougher time connecting; with a reduced network, you’ll need to start fresh to rebuild your tribe.
No. 5: A Brave New (Online) World: The point, click, date phenomenon of dating sites has made casting a wide net easier than ever-which is both a blessing and a curse. “Online dating gives the illusion of infinite options,” says a dating consultant. From coaching clients through the online profile-writing process, she admits that having a lot of candidates can be a good thing, but warns against dating with the mindset that someone better is just a mouse-click away. “Online dating forces you to make superficial judgments,” she says, “It’s harder to get beyond the first date. We now date people to rule people out. We need to approach dates looking to rule them in.”