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Through my twenties, thirties and a bit in my forties I dated veraciously.  I had always thought that the more men I dated the better chance I would have of meeting the right one…NOT!  It took until my mid-forties to realize, obviously, that does not work.  It only wears you out, changes your attitude for the worse and baffles you.  That is why, along with the fact that Internet Dating Sites are often used in that way and don’t work, my philosophy in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is to take your time, be patient and wait for the RIGHT matches to come along.

Another mistake I made during my dating career was that I jumped to lots of negative conclusions too quickly.  I see my clients do it all the time and I have to pull them back to reality and slow them down to give someone a chance.  Often they have, as I used to do, decided based on very little evidence that a person is not that interested or a number of other incorrect conclusions.  That’s when I swoop in the middle, correct their misperception(s) and put the potential relationship back on track.  I was going to say that at a certain age we all jump to conclusions, but I have been working with ages 25-40 now and they do it too.

One thing you should NEVER say to someone is “I’m not going to settle”.  It makes you sound arrogant and inflexible.  Occasionally my clients say it to me, which is fine, but I caution them not to write it in their Personal Narrative or say it to a new introduction.  It’s like throwing cold water on someone when you say that.

Don’t play games when you are cultivating a relationship.  This is directed at both men and women.  Yes, men play games too like not calling too soon or getting together too often for fear of either looking too interested/anxious or turning a woman off.  Don’t follow things like “The Rules” or “Cosmo Magazine”, remember those are written to make money…and they do.  That doesn’t mean they are correct or should be taken as gospel.  Each person you meet is different and therefore must be treated differently based on your observations of their personality.  Each person brings out different qualities in you.  For example someone can ask two people who you’ve dated what you are like and they may get totally different responses based on what that person and relationship brought out in you.

Check out some of my other Posts with Dating Advice throughout this Blog.  Can’t hurt…

Published by Michele "the Matchmaker" Fields

I have been a professional Matchmaker for 34 years in Denver, CO. My service, Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, has facilitated 300+ marriages of 600+ Colorado Front Range singles through hand holding, personalized matchmaking. For more information go to

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