YOU ASK, WHAT IS MY SUCCESS RATE?

Very often when people contact me at Bon Jour Matchmaking one of the questions they ask is what is my success rate.

My success rate has everything to do with you as a client.  If you turn down everyone who would like to meet you, don’t select people to meet who are the best prospects (which I tell you), continue to make the same mistakes I have pointed out to you through my coaching, well your success rate will not be as good as a client who is more open minded with prospective matches or listens to my coaching and implements it.

We are a collaborative partnership.  It’s not just MY success rate in this Denver matchmaking service.  You as a client have everything to do with your success.  I have several clients who have superficial requirements that must be met or they are not interested.  I.e., one woman will not consider men who are conservative regardless of how good a fit they are in other ways.  Doesn’t even want to see their profiles.

I have some men in their late forties and early fifties who still want to have children and they are not negotiable about it. That really limits the women in their childbearing years who will consider them, as they are more interested in age-appropriate men.

Another is an avid skier and directly told me not to show anyone her profile who is not an avid skier as all of her vacations are ski vacations.  A male client is only interested in women who emulate Cameron Diaz.  If she is “exotic” like Angelina Jolie he’s not interested.  Well….I follow strictly what I’m told, unlike the other local Denver matchmaking or Denver dating services.  That’s the good news, but if you are so restrictive as these clients it may take forever to make that match.

So, in short, my success is based in large part on the client.

DENVER MATCHMAKER DATING SURVEY SAYS…

According to a 2013 Questionnaire, Denver Singles Responded Like This…

  1. Would you date or not date someone based on their job?  Generally singles said it depends on the job and how much time it would allow for the relationship.  Mostly they want to meet someone who has passion for their career.
  2. Is it polite to ask someone for a date via text message?  Overwhelmingly the women said either NO or NOT for the first several dates, it’s too impersonal.  Men overwhelmingly answered YES.  MEN, pay attention to this!
  3. What makes you stop and read a profile either on the Internet or local service?  Both men and women answered it was based on the photos first.
  4. What is the best love advice you have ever received?  Both men and women overwhelmingly answered, “Be Yourself”.  Are you people who lie on your Internet dating profiles listening?????
  5. What is the worst thing about aging?  Both men and women answered body changes; aches and pains.  Having less time to accomplish your goals.
  6. What is the best thing about aging?  Men and women said gaining wisdom, knowledge and patience.
  7. What is the one thing you definitely do not want to talk about on a first date?  Answers ranged from exes, politics, money, religion and sex.  But most people said their exes.
  8. Who do you think should make the first move when it comes to asking for a date?  Both sexes answered MEN.
  9. What is it about women that you like most?  They listen and communicate better; their feminine side.
  10. What is it about men that you like most?  Companionship; their different perspective on life.
  11. Who should pay on the first date?  For the most part both sexes answered MEN.
  12. What is the worst question someone asked you on a first date?  When someone calls your kids baggage; If I would sleep with them that night; How much money I make; Have you ever been arrested and many others…
  13. What is the one thing you always ask on a first date?  Tell me about your family; nothing specific, just follow the conversation; what their relationship with their family is and what their friends are like; do you like to travel?
  14. What is your definition of LOVE?  Some answers were:

When there is trust, commitment and both partners are better together than apart;

When I can’t stop thinking about the person…when I miss the person;

The ability to let someone be themselves without judging them, in addition to attraction, of course;

Mutual, unconditional caring for another;

Having someone who is always there for you, someone who you can tell your inner most thoughts to, someone who is protective of you, someone who can forgive and who is loyal and devoted to the relationship;

Mutual respect, passion and commitment through thick and thin;

Good question with no standard answer.  I’ll know it when it happens.

Keep some of these answers in mind by the opposite sex when dating and it may help you be more successful!  You need to meet a person to date first however, in which case you should continue reading this site and phone me for a FREE PHONE CONSULTATION at 303-756-8106.

DIRECT AND HONEST or CHARISMATIC AND UNTRUSTWORTHY

Which Do You Prefer?

Are you the type of person who falls for charm and charisma and lives to regret it?  Those charismatic charmers are often called scammers.  I have a relative who is very, very charismatic, however once he’s “got” you he’s like a snake and will bite you the minute you are off guard. Yes, they are wonderful to chat with but beware of doing business with them or getting romantically involved.

When you are doing business and making a financial investment whether it be with a financial advisor or a personal Matchmaker, is it more important to you that they have a “good bedside manner” even if they are not trustworthy?  There are many business owners like that in all categories of business who have left a trail of very pissed off people behind them.  In the long run the truth is the most important component regardless of the type of business.  Charisma only goes so far and in the long run cannot hide that you’ve been “taken”.

So, my personal preference is honesty, however that is delivered.  Preferably if it is delivered with tact, that would be the best scenario, but the two aren’t always compatible.  The recipient of the truth may not take it well no matter how it’s delivered if they don’t like the information.  After 33 years of working closely with various personality types I know “you can’t please all the people all the time”.  But I’d rather be known for being direct and honest than someone who is charming but can’t be trusted.

Because of my upbringing back East (although I’ve been in Denver for 41 years) you will notice the directness and perceive the honesty.  Believe it or not I have mellowed in the 41 years…you can take the girl out of the East but you can’t completely take the East out of the girl.  Most people living in Denver are from other states where they were raised and have brought that upbringing with them.  That’s one of the things that makes Denver cosmopolitan and diverse!

Everyone has a choice about how they wish to appear to others.  The length of time I’ve been matchmaking in Denver makes me an authority on my clients and how things work in my service. After all, I’ve created Bon Jour Matchmaking based on the structures of other services that I found to be not client friendly.  It also gives me insight into what does not work with Denver matchmaking services.  I have complete confidence in my approach which may be interpreted as cool or bottom line.  My choice has been and will continue to be direct and honest about the service, the clients and myself.  That does not appeal to everyone, but I feel if I’m asking you to entrust both with your heart and your investment in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, you deserve the truth and nothing but the truth.  How else can you be successful in this endeavor?  We have to be honest with each other.  A lack of honesty is often what is missing in dating and that’s why potential relationships fail.  I hope to bridge the gaps that can come up, especially early in a relationship.

ASK THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE JOINING ANY DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE

Every week I receive calls from singles who have used or spoken to other local Denver matchmaking services. What shocks me every time is the few questions these people ask the other services. Maybe because I conduct at least a 1 hour preliminary phone consultation they think of more questions to ask me…I don’t know. But these are the types of questions you should ask when looking for a Denver matchmaker.

  1. Does the person who will be matchmaking me know ALL of the clients?
  2. How long have you been in business?
  3. How many marriages have you had?
  4. Where is the interview conducted? In a quiet, private place or at a coffee shop or hotel?
  5. Are you matching me with YOUR clientele or with other local matchmakers? Have you interviewed and met those clients if they are not yours?
  6. Have they interviewed and met with every client?
  7. What are the different contract lengths?
  8. Do I get to view a profile of each client?
  9. Are there pictures of each client that I view?
  10. Who makes the decision on who I meet…the matchmaker and/or me?
  11. Do you vett the people I will be meeting or just grab singles where you can find them to match with me?
  12. Do you do a background check?
  13. Do you share the background check with me…even generally?
  14. Is this truly a matchmaking service or a dating service?
  15. IF it’s matchmaking why am I buying a “package of dates”?
  16. Is there coaching to help me succeed with my matches?

So I will answer all those questions for you in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service:

I meet with each client in-person and interview every client.

I have been in business for 33 years.

I have had more than 300 marriages during that time.

I NEVER call other local services to use their clientele who I’ve never met. You are ONLY matched with MY clientele.

Every client has an open ended contract.

Clients view a 6 page profile of every client.

Each client has a minimum of 6 pictures which are shared with perspective matches.

We collaboratively decide who are the best matches but ultimately the client has the last word.

Clients are ONLY matched with other clients having their profile, pictures and having done a background check on each. All clients are vetted both for my safety and that of the clients.

Yes, background checks are done on every single who calls me for the service whether they become a client or not and no expense to the clients.

I do not specifically “share” the background check other than anything interesting. If there is something negative I may not accept them as a client.

This is an old fashioned matchmaking service.

There are no packages of anything, this is matchmaking. You may meet as many or few people as you are interested in who feel the same. But my goal is to hit the perfect match with the first or second introduction. There is as much coaching as you need to help you succeed. What’s the point of introducing you to people and then having you make the same mistakes you’ve always made?

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service IS a Matchmaking Service NOT a Dating Service…the difference?

After you have read through this site somewhat you should understand that I am a singular matchmaker who has met and interviewed every client face to face. I work alone with each client, there are no others in this service working with clients. How could I possibly matchmake if I hadn’t met and interviewed every single client?

So the basic differences between a Matchmaker and a dating service are:

  1. I have met and interviewed every single client;
  2. Every client has an extensive profile and pictures that are shared with prospective matches;
  3. Every client has an open-ended contract;
  4. Clients may meet as many people as they feel are a good match and that they both agree may have potential;
  5. Matchmaking is NOT about how many people you meet, which you certainly know if you’ve used the Internet Dating Sites and Dating Apps;
  6. Matchmaking is about quality prospects who genuinely are looking for the same type of relationship you are seeking;
  7. There are NO packages of dates in a matchmaking service where you are thrown together to meet a number on a contract;
  8. In a matchmaking service YOU decide who you are interested in meeting based on the prospects shared with you by the Matchmaker (me);
  9. A real matchmaking service doesn’t just grab people off the street knowing nothing about them OR contact other services whose clients they don’t know to set up their clients to meet a number on a contract or for any other reason;
  10. A real Matchmaker vetts ALL clients, interviews them and has a profile and pictures on them to share. That’s what you are paying for!

That’s what Bon Jour is and has remained for 33 years…A REAL OLD FASHIONED MATCHMAKING SERVICE.

So please don’t call me and argue with me about how many, how many. My focus is the RIGHT ONE not how many people can I throw at you. If your focus is how many, call another service!

Every couple for 33 years who has married in here, has married either the first or second person they met…regardless of how long that took. That should say it all!

EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE

Hopefully by this time, the 33rd anniversary of the service, as well as the 11th year for this website, most everything you should want to know has been answered somewhere on here. Perhaps even multiple times. I’ve tried to keep things direct and concise as I, myself, am not a big reader and appreciate when a writer gets to the point.  Please view my Mission Statement.

The first thing you should read is the HOME PAGE for an overview. Just click on the blue print to go to that Page or Post.  If you are seriously interested in working with a matchmaker you should also read HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR DENVER MATCHMAKER.

Another Page you may want to read is WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE INTERVIEW so there won’t be any surprises and you can view my home office. Yes, I have a private office in which I keep all my client profiles and where you can be candid and open when we meet, unlike services who interview you in public forums.

The next Page you should view is POSTS TO READ BEFORE JOINING ANY DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE. That Page has an abundance of Posts for you to access with both general information about dating services and matchmaking services as well as advice in a variety of areas, i.e., selecting services, matchmaking service fees, what turns men off, how to be a collaborative Bon Jour Matchmaking client, etc. Of course you do not have to read every Post listed on that Page, just the ones that interest you the most.

CLIENTS’ TESTIMONIALS is a Page you should read as those reviews of Bon Jour Matchmaking go all the way back to 1989 up to 2022. I could not include all Testimonials I’ve received over the 33 years, however those should give you an idea of how clients feel about the structure and working with me.

For personal background information on me you should view the Page entitled ABOUT THIS PROFESSIONAL DENVER MATCHMAKER. This will give you info on my volunteer work in the community, how old I was when starting the service, etc.

There are approximately 204 Posts on my Blog all of which give you an insight into the clientele, my work ethic, the structure of the service and more.  Once you feel you understand the service, for the most part, and have questions, please phone me to chat. Especially phone me if you do not understand my philosophy or have questions about things you have read or perhaps missed reading. For my hours you may go to HOURS, LOCATIONS, FEES  for specifics.

I hope this Post/Page helps you navigate the site more easily and we can chat very soon! 303-756-8106

IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND BON JOUR MATCHMAKING’S PHILOSOPHY I WILL DECLINE TO WORK TOGETHER

It’s really more than just that. I just hung up after an hour call with a guy whose ego is so large that he told me how I should operate my matchmaking service to make more money. He never got that it isn’t about the money for me! It’s about my clients’ success.

At 43 he wanted only to meet ages 27-37, begrudgingly, admittedly because of his ego according to him and he doesn’t want to have children. Then proceeded to complain about how my service is set up, I should connect in some way with Bumble (which he said he used and didn’t work), I should get people from various venues that I know nothing about and just argued the entire time with me. Periodically agreeing that his criteria was too narrow.

The one thing I have really honed in 33 years of matchmaking is my listening skill. I really listen! Based on everything I heard and the fact that in the preliminary consultation he argued with me about everything I said this was not the service for him. He asked why and I said you just don’t get it. This is our 2nd or 3rd call in about 2 years and he said he read through my website. So why call if you know how this operates and try to get me to change my philosophy?

After giving him advice for almost an hour he then said that I’m not a nice person…I guess he’s ok with being honest but when someone else is and rejects him that doesn’t work for him. That’s EXACTLY why I declined.

3/20/22: I had a new woman scheduled for today. She’s had a week and a half to call or email me any questions which I advised her to do when we spoke. First thing this morning she sends me her pictures which did not follow anything I directed her to do and did not follow the examples I sent her. So that’s already a problem. She doesn’t follow instructions. The pics she sent would not have helped her, that’s why she had no success on apps, etc.

After spending several days cleaning and prepping for her interview (remember, I work from home, so I like everything perfect when interviewing a new client). I spent all morning doing final preps as well. She calls for directions which I gave her, then I asked whether she had any questions…she came up with every excuse she could think of to cancel but came short of cancelling. Two hours before the interview…when I pointed some things out she cut me off, didn’t want to hear it and I finally said I don’t want to work with you. Mostly I think she felt it was a numbers game, which is the first thing I say, IT IS NOT! She’s been on dating service sites and dating apps with millions of people and she’s had no success, so obviously it is not a numbers game! Ten great prospects are better than thousands of lousy ones!

We have to be a match first to collaborate on this very personal endeavor. And I wouldn’t want to expose my female clientele to this kind of personality. If you are going to fight me all the way on our phone consultation, I’m not going to work with you period.

IS THIS YOU? THEN YOU ARE A GOOD PROSPECT FOR BON JOUR MATCHMAKING

I do not decide exclusively upon my own criteria whether we should work together.  Primarily that has been decided by my current clients who have been very specific as to their preferences and criteria…just like you would be if you were a client.  Bon Jour is the ONLY Denver matchmaking service that does not have ANY reviews stating the client was set up with people who did not fit their specified criteria.  So, don’t take it personally and don’t blame the messenger (me) if I feel that we shouldn’t work together.  Rather be grateful that I told you the truth and did not scam you out of your money!

Just to try and make things simpler, following is a list of traits that will tell you if you and Bon Jour Matchmaking Service are a good match which include both my perimeters and my clients’ criteria:

  1. You have read to some extent through this website;
  2. You understand the philosophy of Bon Jour as a matchmaking service NOT a dating service;
  3. You perceive my clients as a clientele NOT a database;
  4. Female clients prefer men who are 5’7″ or taller;
  5. Male clients prefer women who are no more than a size 10;
  6. My female clients are well educated and prefer men who are equally educated;
  7. Most of my clientele will not consider someone who is unvaccinated (some will);
  8. None of my clients will date smokers;
  9. None of my clients will consider someone who is separated;
  10. None of my clients will consider someone with sleeve or full body tattoos;
  11. You are NOT obsessed with how many people I have relating to you because once I hear your preferences that number will surely drop;
  12. You are looking to meet age appropriate matches NOT people much younger who don’t want to meet people in your age range;
  13. You are a woman between 27 and 57; You are a man between 30 and 65;
  14. You understand that meeting a bunch of people who do not fit your preferences and criteria is not what I do here.  (For example: packages of dates for a finite period of time which is what other local services do);
  15. You understand that you are only matched with people both who fit your preferences and you fit theirs. YOU make the final decision on who you meet;
  16. You are willing to listen to and perhaps follow my coaching;
  17. You may meet as many people as you feel are an appropriate match, however the goal is to be discerning enough that you meet the “right” one on your first or second match…regardless of how long that takes to happen;
  18. Your goal is to meet the RIGHT person NOT a bunch of the wrong people and that may take time;
  19. You understand that the perfect person may not be on file the exact day you interview;
  20. You understand that this is not a race.  We are looking for the “right” person and that may take time thus the open-ended contract.  You are in the service until you reach your goal.

If you feel that this describes you then call me for your FREE phone consultation!  No appointment necessary for that.  If you genuinely feel this is a numbers game, this is NOT the right service for you.  I am a Matchmaker with all that implies.

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service

LET ME HELP YOU CORRECT INEFFECTIVE DATING PATTERNS

I’ve received feedback about my Posts that people love my anecdotal stories as they help clarify my points.  So, to illuminate this point…I have found with some of my clients that they have a regular routine of some kind that they don’t change when they come in here and meet potential mates.  Whether it be skiing every weekend in the winter, boating every weekend in the summer, going to their place in the mountains every weekend or whatever, once you have decided to work with a professional Matchmaker and meet good potential mates you HAVE to be flexible with your schedule.  You can do that routine when you are single, or even in a relationship but you HAVE to make the time to nurture a potential relationship and show flexibility.

I used to have a very attractive female client who owned several places in the mountains and two dogs.  On Thursday she would go to the mountains (with her dogs) until Sunday.  She would NEVER change her schedule to accommodate someone she was dating.  She took her dogs everywhere, including to our interview and her first meetings with matches.  I’m a real animal person and don’t like animals locked up in a car for two hours and I’m sure that made her dates feel uncomfortable.  But even more I received feedback from every guy she met that she wouldn’t fit time in her weekend schedule to get together, so they moved on.

Someone who does that looks very selfish, very inflexible and doesn’t appear to have a desire to nurture a relationship.  All in all she appeared as a poor partner and I was never able to seal the deal for her.  I spoke with her about the feedback numerous times and she claimed she would change but never did…and BTW she’s still single, surprise.  I am no longer working with her as I cannot disappoint my male clients and waste their time when she won’t comply.

Recently I’ve had another beautiful female client join my service.  Despite many conversations with her during and after her interview, she never told me that she goes to the mountains every weekend from Friday to Sunday.  I learned about this from feedback from her matches.  They asked her for another date and she is gone every weekend and they can’t even reach her by phone, so they became frustrated and moved on.  The feedback from clients is invaluable.

I have not spoken with her about it yet as she is in the mountains and has no phone or internet service there…I am not only concerned about this pattern but that she hid it from me even though we’ve spoken so many times.  I suspect she thought if she told me I would not work with her because deep down she has to know that this may undermine any success.  But I always find out, if not directly from the client, then from feedback from their matches.  When I receive negative feedback from 2 people I address that with the person so they can correct that behavior.

If a client is using it to turn off the other person because they aren’t interested but don’t know how to tell them, BAD IDEA.  Just merely say how nice they are and attractive (if they are) but the chemistry just isn’t there.  No one can argue with that!  But don’t say things to turn them off as your rejection.  Man up and be honest, trust me, they appreciate that.

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