MATCHMAKER MICHELE POINTS OUT THE BIGGEST TURNOFF FOR MEN

Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields has been matching for so long that she has found a recurring theme that turns men off.

Bon Jour Matchmaking has a clientele of very educated, involved and evolved, professional female clients. These lovely women have filled up their lives with activities, family, travel, work and volunteering in the community.

When my male clients view a profile with sooooo much filling a woman’s life he always states, “when will she have time for a relationship?”. I totally get that you shouldn’t stop living and just wait for a man, BUT, whether you use the Internet or a local dating or matchmaking service you have to carve out time to date and to appear available.

I recently had 3 men comment negatively about a woman I set them up with (same woman).  She left them with the impression that she just “fit in” the initial meeting with them in-between her other activities. It was quite apparent to them and all were turned off and passed on a second date. I gave her that feedback and she is going to adjust her life accordingly.

As your Matchmaker it is my job to point out behavior or appearance that turns the opposite sex off.  I have that information based on all of the feedback from your matches.  Then it is up to you to make those adjustments so that you will have more success in future matches.

In the 24 year history of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service this scenario has happened over and over. I’m not saying sit at home and wait for a man…I am saying that when a good man presents himself be sure he views you as available.

DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICES FAIL

The failure of some Denver Dating/Matchmaking Services continues to present itself to me through clients who have fallen for a slick sales pitch.  According to my clients who have used certain other local Denver dating or Denver matchmaking services, following are things to BEWARE of:

1. Interviews you in a public forum, i.e. a noisy and crowded coffee-house or at a hotel or restaurant;

2. Charges thousands of dollars to join for a limited time;

3. Sells you a certain number of dates;

4. Does not SHOW you profiles WITH pictures of prospective matches or a background check (that they may have charged extra for);

5. Has a lot of negative reviews online;

6. Has a poor rating with the BBB of Denver;

7. Charges one sex nothing and the other sex too much;

8. Just started their business and has no track record or clients (that may be why they have a good BBB rating);

9. Again, because it’s worth repeating, has a poor rating with the BBB or no information listed with the Denver BBB;

10. Will not quote their fees over the phone and insists you meet with them to discuss your particular situation;

11.  Be sure a company’s info is consistent, i.e., there is a matchmaking service in Colorado Springs whose website says they’ve been in business since a certain date, but the BBB states a shorter time they have been in business;

12.  Don’t judge a service by the success or failure of a friend.  Each person may have a different experience in any one service;

13.  If a service has several “matchmakers” but none of them know ALL of the clients, don’t join (it is important that each person working in a service know all of the clients in that service);

14.  Both men and women have complained to me that certain local dating/matchmaking services do not have enough men so they disregard both the men’s and women’s criteria and just set the few men they have up with all the new women;

15.  Clients of mine who have used certain local matchmaking services did not recommend them (can you guess which ones?).  So if you are looking at those (view their reviews and BBB rating) consider looking at other local services also who may have a better reputation;

16.   Does a complete interview prior to you becoming a client in hopes that because you spent that time you will join.

One has to be a good consumer and if you follow the above list that should help mitigate some major problems, aggravation and disappointment. One last note: there is a big difference between Denver dating services and Denver matchmaking services.  Real matchmakers don’t sell a finite number of matches or have a limited contract.  A Matchmaker should work with you until the goal is reached, however long that may take!

DENVER MATCHMAKER SHARES DATING ADVICE

The elder of Denver’s matchmakers, Michele the Matchmaker, shares more dating advice taken from “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr./Ms. Right”.

The book states, “He’s a keeper if…he likes your body just the way it is. No man should make you alter your physical appearance to suit his desires. If he insists that you physically change something, take the hint: he doesn’t want you…he wants someone else”.

Remember to say “thank you”. The book says, you learned it when you were three. It’s as important now as it was then. Nothing is more of a turn-off than someone taking your generosity for granted. I see that with many of my clients. They rarely thank me, maybe they don’t feel the need since I am being paid. But it makes a very poor impression. Remember, the matchmaker is the one who presents you to perspective matches…treat her well! It’s in your best interest.

The third piece of advice I’m sharing from the book and totally agreeing with is: “Don’t string along a Mr./Ms. Wrong. Just because you don’t have anyone else at the moment is no reason to leave the poor person hanging. If the chemistry isn’t there, cut your losses and move on”. And let them move on and find someone who is really into them! That last bit is from me…

Many of these things are common sense but over time we forget about them. So, just some reminders from Denver Matchmaker Michele.

MORE FREE ADVICE FROM DENVER MATCHMAKER

Denver Matchmaker “Michele the Matchmaker” has some advice taken from the pocketbook “Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr./Ms. Right.

The Ways You Sabotage Your Chances For Love:
1. You’ve refused to go out with someone because they didn’t fit your perfect picture of Mr./Ms. Right;
2. You’ve dropped a significant other over some ridiculous slight;
3. You’ve left a relationship because it was easier than discussing your feelings with your partner;
4. You’ve judged someone solely based on their looks even though you thought they had a nice personality;
5. Ladies: You dropped a great guy because he didn’t make enough money;
6. You have a pattern of picking fights for no reason until they walk out on you;
7. You do something you know will upset your partner, then regret it when it’s too late;
8. Guys: You’ve flirted with other girls in front of your girlfriend;
9. You pick your partner apart in front of other people;
10. You prefer to stay with Mr./Ms. Wrong instead of continuing your quest to find Mr./Ms. Right!

These have been adjusted to fit in this space but you get the idea. Although Bon Jour Matchmaking Service basically is involved with the initial part of the match, Michele the Matchmaker does all she can to save any potentially good relationship.

DENVER DATING SERVICES AND THEIR BACKGROUND CHECKS

There are some Denver dating services who offer a background check as part of their service and charge extra and/or a higher fee for that option. But background checks can be done by yourself much cheaper, however that is not the purpose of this particular blog.  Also, if you have chosen a service who charged you extra for the “background check” you should be allowed to view it before meeting each person.  You paid for it…if you don’t view it how do you know they really did it?

I know from personal experience that background checks only give you a false sense of security. If someone is using an alias their background check will come up clean. When I was 29 I met a man who my mother had a bad feeling about. So we asked a family friend who was a police officer to do a background check on him. He came up totally clean. Then 3 months after we stopped dating, on the front page of the local newspaper there was a story about him being arrested for securities fraud. He was wanted in 3 states and was using 12 aliases! In addition if he hadn’t been caught up to that point his record would have been clean anyway.  Even though his record appeared clean, he was a major felon.

So don’t let services convince you they are safe because they do background checks. All criminals get away with their crimes until they are caught…maybe they just haven’t been caught yet!  The Aurora theatre shooter’s background checked out clean before the shooting according to the local news.

The moral of this Denver Matchmaker’s advice is be on guard with anyone new you meet for some period of time. Background checks are no guarantee. They also won’t help you identify a serial heartbreaker, liar or cheater unfortunately.

The “Long Island Lolita”, Amy Fisher, who was incarcerated for an attempt of murder on her lover’s wife, had a profile on Match.com and met her ex-husband on there!  Locally the Aurora Theater shooter also had profiles on two Internet dating sites, one being Match.com.  Both are felons…

DENVER MATCHMAKER MICHELE HAS YET MORE ADVICE

Denver Matchmaker Michele says, “…it really saddens me to hear from new clients that they were “taken” by other local services. You have to be a good consumer. During the “sales pitch” if they keep adjusting their fees, if they sell a finite number of dates, if they do not use a questionnaire, if they interview you in a public venue such as a coffee shop where everyone can hear your personal business,  if they tell you THEY decide for you based on the information they have gathered from clients…but you don’t see PICTURES or PROFILES yourself DON’T JOIN! How can someone you have met so briefly know your taste?  Your own friends have set you up and don’t seem to know your taste, am I right???

I learn the most about clients’ preferences by showing them profiles with photos at the time of the interview and getting their feedback. That is what hones the client’s portrait for me.

I don’t care how good the sales pitch is about not being superficial or whatever, clients who are not seeing profiles and leaving the matching decision up to the service will almost always be dissatisfied.

You are paying a Denver dating/matchmaking service to SEE their clientele along with their input to decide if this is a good match for you.  Services with multiple “matchmakers” never know all the clients.  Some “matchmakers” know some and a few know others, so how can they make a match?  Think about it…

BE A GOOD CONSUMER AND STOP SPENDING THOUSANDS ON SERVICES WHO DO NOT GIVE YOU SERVICE.  Be extra cautious when you are feeling particularly vulnerable.

MATCHMAKING COACH MICHELE HAS MORE DATING ADVICE

Michele the Matchmaker, Denver’s premiere Matchmaker, says there is some common advice for both sexes. Take note when you first start dating someone. Within the first month they will “tell” you exactly who they are. Your job is to pay attention and if you see signs of insincerety, untruths, distortions, abuse of any kind DO NOT JUST WRITE IT OFF.

Most times people get into relationships with mates who have issues because they overlooked or ignored the early signs and signals. Now they are in deep and perhaps the problem has escalated making it more difficult to get out.

Especially if you see people who are unkind to children, animals or the elderly or who seem “too good to be true”, end it immediately and don’t look back. It’s best to walk away in the beginning before the ties become too deep or there are children involved.

As the elder in Denver’s Matchmaking Community Michele the Matchmaker has seen alot as well as has been trained both in rape crisis counseling (at RAAP) and battered women’s issues (through Safehouse for Battered Women).

DENVER DATING ETIQUETTE FROM THE DENVER MATCHMAKER

Michele the Matchmaker says guys, guys, guys…here’s the scoop. If you show up for a date late, dressing inappropriately for the activity and/or unkept it sends a very clear message to the woman you don’t care enough to take the time to “primp”. It’s really quite basic…comb your hair, brush your teeth, shave (even with facial hair to keep it neat), wear deodorant (not everyone likes cologne but AT LEAST wear deodorant). Make sure clothes are ironed and the right attire for the activities planned.

Good dating etiquette states, don’t be a wimp. If you know you are not interested or going to call, don’t say you will. If you are interested call soon. Don’t play little games with waiting to phone. The longer you wait the more she begins writing you off.

Michele the Matchmaker says ladies, ladies, ladies…wear clothes that are flattering! So many women don’t know what is flattering. If you don’t consult friends, go to a professional once, but learn what is flattering to your coloring and figure. Pretty much everyone looks best in tailored clothes, meaning it doesn’t look like you’re wearing a sack with a belt.

After your date, if you don’t hear from the guy but you were very interested, CALL HIM. It’s almost 2015, men get tired of doing all of the work (they’ve told me so). You set up a date.

Good dating etiquette goes a long way!

DENVER MATCHMAKER MADE FOR THIS ROLE

WHY MICHELE FIELDS IS SO SUCCESSFUL

(click on the blue print to go to Posts)

Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields has not found her match in her 24 year career as a Denver Matchmaker but she has facilitated 312 marriages since 1989!

It has become clear to Michele that her role in this life is to assist other singles to find love even though it has been elusive for her.  This alone shows that services are not magical fixes when the owner who meets everyone first has not sealed the deal herself.  There are just some people who will not meet that right person and there is no way to know who or why that happens.

The great part about Michele being single herself is that she can really empathize with each and every client in the service as to the challenges and insecurities that come along with dating.  That is an invaluable trait.  She is so hands-on and able to illuminate and clarify misinterpretations (and there are tons on both sides) so that matches make it past the first date and have a chance of succeeding.

Don’t join any service expecting it to work for sure.  Working with a Matchmaker will increase your chances of success IF that Matchmaker knows ALL of her clients, coaches you and you listen to her and can zero in on the type of person you wish to meet.  Fields’ insights and 24 years of matchmaking knowledge make her the most popular and successful Denver matchmaker.  Be realistic when joining any service.  Michele thought for sure that the biggest benefit from this career would be that she would meet her mate…and she has not in 24 years.  So that clearly shows that some people may not be successful…who is she suppose to blame?????

DENVER SINGLES MAKE A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION

Michele the Matchmaker of  Bon Jour Matchmaking Service in Denver coaches her clients how to make a good first impression.  Not only visually, but also with their actions.  She reminds clients that first impressions stick and people size each other up rapidly while suggesting that they make an effort not to speed critique.

While advising men not to play the “waiting game” to call for the next date, she gently reminds women that this is 2013 and if they are interested they can call too.  With the advantage of seeing both sides of the dating scenario it is clear how things can fall apart immediately just by one side or the other misinterpreting actions or lack of actions.

Many, many, new introductions would have fallen by the wayside had Michele not jumped in to clarify wrong impressions.  People sometimes are not good at showing their interest, I guess they don’t want to look too anxious or don’t know how to display interest, while the other person gives up because they didn’t pick up the “I’m interested” vibe.  So Michele straightens out miscommunications right away giving this delicate new love bud a chance to bloom.

That’s exactly why a professional matchmaker like Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields doesn’t just set up introductions, she facilitates successful relationships! Michele has been Denver’s pemiere matchmaker since 1989.

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