MARRIAGE OR DATING…THAT IS THE QUESTION

Is It a Numbers Game or Real Matchmaking?

Sure, you can play the numbers and the Internet Dating services are great for that.  But if you want to meet “the one” to marry the odds are much like the Lottery!  Out of the millions of singles on millions of Internet services a minute number meet the person they marry.  Playing the numbers is dating not matchmaking.  Now that you’ve tried the Internet dating services it’s time to get serious.

Local Denver dating services and matchmakers try to “hook you” when you call and ask how many people they have to introduce you to (a certain number of dates for an astronomical fee) or they will fudge the number of your prospects knowing absolutely nothing about you.

A legitimate matchmaker cannot give you real numbers without a thorough interview knowing all of your preferences and SHOWING you files to develop a perception of your taste.  Franchise services have a slick sales pitch as do some locally owned services.  The feedback I’ve received from clients of those types of services is that those services did not follow their criteria and just threw them together with all of the men in the service.  The men report that because there are so few of them in those services, they are set up with every new woman who comes in.

So if you call a service that inflates the number of prospects knowing minimal or nothing about you, don’t join.  You will be sorry later.  To be realistic when joining any service they should have singles in your age range who, from specific information over the phone, are the type of clientele you seek.

IT ONLY TAKES THE RIGHT ONE!  Not a million of the wrong ones.  Most of the clients of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service who got married, married either the first or second person they met in the service.

DENVER SINGLES NEVER TOO OLD FOR LOVE

I frequently receive calls from men saying the women their age (40+) act too old for them.  That they are vital, active and on-the-go and need someone younger to be matched with.

But recently I am receiving more and more calls from women with the exact same complaints.  STOP IT…that is no longer the case!

The most obvious answer to both is…if you are fit, attractive and active at your age, why wouldn’t there be people of the opposite sex who also are?  Both sexes are vital, vibrant, active and enthusiastic, especially in Denver.  There are always exceptions to the rule (in every age group) but in general Denver singles 40+ are active, fit, fun and open to discovery and love.

My clients travel, ski, play tennis, hike, scuba dive, golf and tons of other activities regardless of their age.  This is 2013, both sexes need to stop pigeon-holing each other, date age appropriate people and open your minds about maturing.  It’s not all bad…and it’s certainly not like it was for our parents.

DENVER’S OLD FASHIONED MATCHMAKER STAYS TRUE TO HER CALLING

The Denver singles community may be used to local services who conduct interactions primarily by e-mail and text, but as a dating coach and matchmaker I encourage clients to pick up the phone, not only to communicate with me, but also with each other.

When conducting entire relationships, whether business or personal, strictly by e-mail and text a lot may be misinterpreted and left unsaid.  Additionally calling allows each of you to detect voice innuendos and exclamations helping to capture the individual’s excitement, enthusiasm, intelligence, sense of humor and more.

I know when I receive an e-mail full of spelling errors or poor grammar it gives me a certain perception of that person’s education and intellect that may, or may not be accurate.  Usually negative…

As your prospective Matchmaker I gleen a lot of information through a phone call.  I can tell whether you fit in with the current clientele, whether your expectations are realistic, whether I feel I may have lots of matches or not as many (which determines your personal filing fee), your location, age and the age range you wish to date.  So calling me to chat about the service rather than e-mailing is in your best interest for several reasons not the least of which is to help me determine the amount of your fee.

If you are interested in a personal matchmaking service in Denver and the front range, please keep in mind that Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is a hands-on, pick up your phone to chat Denver matchmaking company.  It has been that way since 1989 and has been successful because of this approach (303-756-8106).

PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER’S TIPS WHEN DATING AND MATING

Keep these tips in mind as you navigate the dating landscape:

Regarding Attraction:

Women use all of their senses when falling in love.  According to researchers, men process their attraction with the right side of their brains, which is visually stimulated (surprise).  While women use their whole brain to do the job, which is why they communicate more effectively with their partners.

Sense of Adventure:

A mate whose adventure matches your own and who can keep up with you may be a good partner for life.  Specifically adventure, not necessarily specific activities.  Common activities can be cultivated whereas you must have common morals and values.

Self Esteem:

Be secure with who you are and with what you want in a mate.  The better you know yourself and what makes you happy, the better you’ll know what kind of mate is best suited to you.

Criticism:

Don’t be a critic.  You don’t need to tell your date what’s wrong with their clothes, job, home,  family or friends.  It shows that you may be too judgmental.  Even if you don’t see your date as a potential mate be gracious until the evening is over…and make it a short evening.

Talking Over Them:

Allowing a person to get a word in edgewise isn’t just common courtesy, it’s a sign of respect.  If you continuously find yourselves talking at the same time, take turns clamming up and allow the other to speak.  Practice this with friends and family as well.

Boasting:

Don’t be a diva or arrogant.  Boasting and name dropping is more of a turn-off than a turn-on, unless you both do it…

Fight Fair:

A mate who argues by playing passive-aggressive head games or who puts you on the defensive by blaming you is not the mate you want.  Select a person who fights fairly and when rough spots come along (which they will),  find  a mutually acceptable concensus in a loving manner.

LAST VALENTINE’S DAY ALONE…Denver’s Real Live Matchmaker

HOW A REAL MATCHMAKER WORKS

I own and operate the service myself so there are no employees coming and going.  I know all of the clients so I am better able to match them knowing both sides of the story.  This is a collaborative service between client and Matchmaker.  My clientele ranges in age from 40-70 and are professionals for the most part.

 You will come into my office for a two-hour interview.  We will fill out a 4-page questionnaire together.  On the last page of the questionnaire it asks for a profile of the type of person you are interested in meeting.  This questionnaire goes into great detail.  If I have anyone on file currently who fits that profile I will pull his/her information for you to view.  The file consists of several CURRENT photos, headshots and full-length shots (I take the photos), a little personality profile they write on themselves and their questionnaire.  You have access to all of that.  YOU decide who you are interested in meeting, we will make a list of those and put them in the order you would like to meet them.  This process is collaborative between client and matchmaker.  You are making all of the decisions on who you meet.  

I offer open-ended contracts (in other words you are in the service until you reach your goal, whatever that is) for all clients at a one-time filing fee. Then I charge on a per introduction basis for each first introduction on both sides.  So you control who you meet and how much you spend. 

The filing fee is to be paid at the time of the 2-hour interview in cash or check.  At that time I take your photos and show you files.  My fees are low because I maintain a low overhead.

 So this is how 309 couples found each other.  In all cases both clients married either the first or second person they met!  This is a Matchmaking Service not a dating service.

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO BON JOUR’S #309th COUPLE MARRIED NEW YEAR’S EVE!

Congratulations couple 309 and warmest wishes for a wonderful life together! 

Fondly,

Michele the Matchmaker

Love in 2012 with Michele The Matchmaker

Denver Singles…my wish for you is to find the love you desire this year.  Consider the following:

Old Fashioned Matchmaker vs. New Technology

  • ·        The Internet can be used as a shield to hide behind and almost entices users to misrepresent themselves
  • ·        Personal Matchmaker looks clients directly in the eye and can tell when they are misrepresenting themselves, i.e., exercise, height, weight, age
  • ·        Internet profiles are people’s own perception of themselves which is usually positive and inflated
  • ·        Matchmaker is an unbiased party who is able to assess each person from an impartial perspective
  • ·        Internet owners do not care if clients are rude, cruel, nasty, unreliable or even convicts, i.e., felon Amy Fisher met her husband on Match.com
  • ·        Personal Matchmaker receives feedback from both individuals and runs service by a strict Behavioral Agreement
  • ·        On the Internet you hope that others have the same goal and agenda as you BUT often that is not the case.  Free and inexpensive, unmonitored dating sites encourage many agendas, i.e., European women in search of a green card or even more sinister motives, bored people just looking for entertainment, cheating spouses and lovers
  • ·        Paying a reasonable fee to a Personal Matchmaker ensures that all clients’ agendas are the same
  • ·        Photos placed on the Internet are questionable, i.e., are they really THAT individual’s photos, old photos, only head shots to hide other flaws
  • ·        Personal Matchmaker takes photos at the time of the interview and throughout the relationship with client when anything changes in appearance.  She takes both headshots and full length shots
  • ·        Internet services waste a lot of time looking at files that really don’t apply and may misrepresent
  • ·        Matchmaker only shows files to clients that are appropriate, i.e., much more successful results, less time wasted
  • ·        Often on internet services you may be in touch with someone and suddenly they disappear, or stop responding to you
  • ·        Personal Matchmaker keeps a tight reign on her clients and makes sure they follow through in a timely manner (behavioral agreement) and don’t just disappear

As with any other endeavor the most successful way to go about it is with a hands-on professional.  Someone you can ask questions, confide in and collaborate with.

 

 

 

 

VETERAN DENVER MATCHMAKER MICHELE FIELDS SAYS…

Take it from Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields, if you’ve started dating someone who has many or, in some cases, any of the following traits, history or situation…RUN THE OTHER WAY!

  • They drink too much;
  • They do drugs;
  • They are married;
  • They try to borrow money from you;
  • They don’t remember dates that are important to you;
  • They hit you and are aggressive towards you;
  • They blame you for the bad things in the relationship or always blame someone else;
  • They consistently lie to you;
  • They have more than two exes (spouses);
  • They say they “love you” but they are not “in love” with you;
  • They alienate you from your friends;
  • They don’t like your kids;
  • They insist that you convert to their religion;
  • They always find fault with how you look;
  • Your friends don’t like them;
  • They don’t introduce you to their family and friends;
  • They are obsessed with porn or the internet;
  • They play too many mind games;
  • They are still involved with their ex or even living with them;
  • They ignore your emotional needs;
  • They have financial issues;
  • They anger easily and too often;
  • They are a serial dater;
  • They blatantly check out the opposite sex in front of you;
  • Are frivolous with their money;
  • They are obsessed with sex with and without you;
  • Physically or verbally abusive;
  • Always lets you down;
  • Makes fun of you in front of others;
  • Wants you to have plastic surgery;
  • They have too many bad habits.

WOW…that should clue you in as to an inappropriate partner!

MATCHMAKER’S ADVICE: TEN TRADEOFFS TO CAPTURE THE LOVE YOU SEEK

Denver Matchmaker Michele Fields calls this “the art of compromise.”  With 309 marriages over a 23 year period certain criteria set forth early by clients has been “traded off” for more substantial traits.  This ability by clients both male and female to balance substance with preference is why Bon Jour Matchmaking Service has had so many successful unions.

The ten tradeoffs one should consider are:

1.   They are not physically the type you envisioned yourself with;

2.   They are less educated or wealthy than you fantasized;

3.   They are older or younger than you pictured yourself with;

4.   He has less hair than you’d like/she’s a bit heavier than you’d like;

5.   They are shyer/more awkward than you usually date;

6.   He’s shorter than you would like/she’s taller than your usual type;

7.   They remind you of someone you loved who hurt you;

8.   He’s not as well endowed as you usually prefer/She’s more or less sexual than your typical type;

9.   You’re a fanatic about perfect grammar and they are less articulate than you see yourself with;

Last, but not least:

10.   They’ve never been married before even though they’ve been in long-term relationships.

You don’t have to dump all of the above, but for instance a shy, awkward person is probably not a “player”.  Whereas a smooth, assertive flirt or life of the party can’t focus on one person and has to have everyone want them.  Now there’s a worthwhile trade…

Best of luck in this very complex, eratic (at times), exciting life passage of navigating the single world.

DENVER MATCHMAKER CREATES LOVE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Denver Matchmaker, Michele Fields, has a history of matchmaking her clients diligently during the holiday season.  Her affluent clientele is excited to meet new singles who tend to hire Bon Jour Matchmaking Service in mass when the holidays are coming.

Singles may go comfortably through the rest of the year without a companion, but the holidays bring out one’s romantic, receptive and loving feelings.  It is a good time to be proactive with your love life with most people being happy, friendly and open to each other.  Unions are very successful during this period.

 

 

 

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