ANOTHER HORROR STORY OF A FELON ON GUESS WHICH INTERNET DATING SERVICE…

All information about Denver matchmaking services has come directly from either printed reviews and material already online and/or from callers or clients.  This is not my personal review.

Yes, again a news magazine, this time 20/20, as has Dateline NBC, reported on a rapist who chose his victims from the Match.com inventory.  According to 20/20, the Philadelphia police estimate that at least 21 women who met this guy, Jeff Marsalis, on Match.com were drugged by him and raped.  The women had only vague memories of the incident, which is not unusual having been slipped a date rape drug when they went for drinks.

What attracted all of these women to this guy?  He lied his ass off.  Not unlike many people using Internet dating services.  His lies ranged from his occupation being a doctor, a med student, in the CIA, in the NASA Flight Surgeon program, and more.  He had fake I.D.s and licenses for all of these occupations.  He owned guns and protective police attire and was “charming” as can be.  Remember in an earlier Post I warned you about “charming”?

When the Philadelphia police searched his apartment they found a “Yearly Calendar of Woman” which was on his computer as a compilation of all the women he’d drugged.  Unfortunately, because of various glitches, although he was prosecuted twice, he was not convicted.

So he moved to Utah and got a job as a security guard!  *See this is why a background check can be deceiving…he was not convicted so if anyone had done a background check it would have come up clean even though in reality he was a serial rapist.  So when a matchmaking or dating service assures you they did a background check and the person was clean, first of all how do you really know they did the check?  Do they show you any information?  They charge you for it so you should be privy to it.  But if the person has not been convicted yet they will be cleared for dating.

A woman he worked with introduced him to her sister (who was a Lesbian) as they were both new in town.  They met for a drink and she became his next victim.  She prosecuted him and finally he was convicted.  Because he was shown to be a serial rapist he received a life sentence from the Judge.

Why Match.com in every story?  It was the first Internet dating site and is the best known so many people trust it and use it.  This really could happen on any Internet dating site but Match.com always wants publicity of any kind I guess.

DENVER MATCHMAKING FEES AND SERVICES INVESTIGATED

Like any business owner I periodically Google Denver matchmaking services to see what is going on in the Denver market.  Recently I’ve viewed two services that are only TWO years old that are charging more than I am after 35 years!  So I investigated further…are they offering services I’m not?  In actuality they are offering less services than I am.  In addition on their websites they cite the term “their Matchmakers” blah blah blah and I know for a fact that they are the only “matchmaker” at their companies.  I don’t know why they would lie right off the top on their websites about how many “matchmakers” they have.  I’ve always felt that it was a benefit to have one Matchmaker who knows all of the clients.  But of course that presumes that one is doing the act of matchmaking rather than selling packages of a certain number of dates in a finite period of time, which they both are.  They show no profiles or photos and you are suppose to “trust” their taste after meeting you once at Starbucks or some restaurant for an interview.

On my questionnaire I also ask new clients which services they’ve tried and what they thought of them.  That helps me know who the new companies or individuals are practicing matchmaking, dating or coaching.  Two most recent new men explained that in one case he attended a Meet Up group and met a woman who claimed to be a matchmaker.  So, he paid her a minimal fee and she set him up with two women she pulled in off the street.  According to him neither woman had paid this “matchmaker” or knew her, and neither was interested in a relationship.  In another case a gentleman had gone to a counseling service and the “counselor” advising him said she was a dating coach.  She did the same thing the aforementioned woman did.  These “matchmaker/coaches” didn’t know these women or anything about them so how could they matchmake these guys?

Normally I’m not a believer in the phrase “you get what you pay for” but in those two cases the guys paid like $125 and they did barely get what they paid for.  Consider this…there is a happy medium where the fee is not exorbitant but not too low, you should consider length of time in business and whether the information contained on the website is accurate.  Also check other resources before spending thousands of dollars.  It doesn’t hurt to call several different companies to compare prices, approach/structure, clientele, success rate and absolutely length of time in business.  So happy hunting but be careful.  I am so confident in my track record and approach that I would prefer to talk with you after you’ve spoken to the others…

I ALWAYS DATE WOMEN 20 YEARS YOUNGER

Periodically I receive calls from men in their late fifties or early sixties who proclaim that they always date women 20 years younger and it’s never been a problem.  If it’s never been a problem why are you calling a Matchmaker?  As I’ve shared throughout this website I interview every client so I know the age range they prefer and how far they will stretch.  So if I say I have no women in their early forties who are interested in dating men 20 years older that’s not a guess.  I’ve interviewed them and it’s merely a fact.

When investing with a Matchmaker neither women nor especially men will deviate very much from what they specify at the time of the interview.  Both sexes are pretty inflexible in a service compared to how they would be meeting someone by chance.

In the past few years I have also received calls from women who are interested in dating men up to five years younger than them.  That just isn’t going to happen in the parameters of my service.  Again, that’s not a guess; I know every client and their criteria.  The women are somewhat more flexible than the men but not much.

If you are a man in the age range mentioned in the first paragraph above and your interest is in dating much younger women, this is not the service for you.  My women are educated, professional, independent women seeking an equal, a partner.  For women who are interested in dating men 5 years younger, again this is not the service for you.  My men are not investing in a service to meet older women, usually the opposite within reason.

My advice to those singles is to use the Internet dating services or any local “matchmaking” service where you buy a certain number of dates for a finite period of time and they will throw you together with whomever.  That may be a better fit for those mentioned above.  Best of luck to you.

I’M INVESTED IN YOUR MATCHMAKING SUCCESS…BUT ARE YOU?

99.9% of my clients understand that our relationship is a collaboration.  They have chosen to work with Bon Jour Matchmaking Service because they trust in my personal relationships with all of my clients and my extensive years of experience in Denver matchmaking.

If you choose to become a client I would hope that you strongly appreciate my judgment as to whether your photos will be successful as well as your Personal Narrative.  How do I know?  Because I am either sitting with a client as they view your profile or I read it to them over the phone and receive their feedback.  So I am not guessing how they respond, I know.

I am invested in your experience in Bon Jour Matchmaking being a success and would hope and require that you are equally invested.  So, rather than disagreeing with me when I make a suggestion or give you direction, understand that I know from 35 years of matchmaking what works and what doesn’t AND I’m getting both sides of the story.  Clearly what you’ve been doing isn’t working if you are considering my service.  Listening to my advice is part of what you are paying for, so you are not obligated to follow my advice but it’s worth considering.

If you realize that there is something amiss in what you’ve been doing to meet the “right one”, please realize that I’ve facilitated 300+ marriages so I must know something …at the least I know my clients and what they respond favorably to.  Don’t you want a Matchmaker who really knows her clients rather than several “matchmakers” who only know a few clients each?  That is one of the many outstanding features of Bon Jour Matchmaking…another is the open-ended contract.

HOW DO DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICES DECIDE YOUR FEE?

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After being a professional Denver Matchmaker for 33+ years I’ve been privy to how most Denver matchmaking services come up with your fee.  First, most of them have a tier fee structure.  So the more services you want from them the more they charge.  If you stay in the least expensive tier you will not be shown pictures or questionnaires.  The “matchmaker” will merely select someone for you to meet, call you and read you a paragraph and because you have most likely purchased a certain number of matches for a limited period of time, you will say yes.

Most of them will try to find out what you do for a living before quoting you a fee.  Don’t tell them your job/career prior to them quoting you a fee!  I know that because I’ve been told that by more than one of them.  Once they decide what you can afford, then they quote a fee based on your income or perceived worth.  Of course, that does not benefit you, it benefits them.  They all work with limited contracts in hopes of re-signing you to keep trying.  So note:  If they select your matches after meeting you for an hour or two for an interview, often it is nothing like what you’ve specified, it is less work for them.  When you’ve blown through the number of matches you’ve purchased and have not connected with anyone they convince you to try for another period of time, again benefiting them by charging you another sign up fee with some tiny discount.

In Bon Jour the way I decide your fee is based on how many prospects at that point in time I may have for you based on your age, the age range you wish to meet, how many future prospects I will have for you, any physical “challenges” you may have based on knowing and interviewing all of my clients and knowing their preferences.  Also if you work out-of-state often but reside in the Front Range and/or travel a lot that may affect the fee I quote you.  Rather than charging a higher fee based on those criteria like most services would do, in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service your fee MAY decrease based upon the above.   Your investment will NOT exceed $3500 in 2015 and MAY be lower depending on the above information.  Fees are not quoted in emails.  You must call to discuss your personal investment.

*With the open-ended contract in Bon Jour you have all the time in the world to find the perfect match!  There are no other fees than your initial investment and the per introduction fee.  You are a client until you meet your goal.

Also, just to point out…most local services do their interviews in public forums, i.e., coffee shops, book stores, hotels.  They choose to do that so they can put your fee towards advertising which benefits them.  It is definitely NOT beneficial to you to be interviewed in public where others can hear your personal information, can see what you’re doing and you may feel less inclined to share your most personal background and feelings.  Bon Jour conducts your interview in the privacy of my office where it’s just you and I and you can feel free to express and share any personal information.

 

RIDICULOUS COMMENTS FROM SINGLES CALLING FOR MATCHMAKING SERVICES

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Because I encourage Denver singles to phone me to discuss the service and their individual goals people say the darnedest things!  Some of the comments Denver singles have made that are ridiculous and maybe give a slight hint why they are still single are:

Your website is too feminine and I’m a marketing expert and don’t feel that you will attract enough men…the response to that is if I’ve had 313 marriages half of those were MEN!  Giving single Denver men credit for having enough sense to go by content rather than appearance of a website that is a ridiculous comment.  I receive as many calls from men as I do from women.

I’ve met 100 women through an Internet dating service, it’s a numbers game...It’s only a numbers game if you make it one.  Either he wasn’t too particular or he’s impossible to please and that’s why he’s still single.

A man who used another local service and complained about it both in his e-mail to me and on the phone.  Then when I was explaining the differences between the two services got annoyed with me for mentioning the difference between the two services...Then don’t call me complaining on and on about another service if you don’t want to hear the differences between us!

Same man who said “Michele, you’re not much of a salesman.”…That’s right, I’m a Matchmaker.  The service speaks for itself with the length of time in business, the client friendly structure, the number of marriages and the Testimonials.  He must have been used to the other service’s sales calls.

Well what am I getting for this fee?... Hopefully you are meeting the woman/man you’ve been looking for on all those other forums!  Hopefully you will meet your last first date!  At least you have the time to meet your goal with my open-ended contract.  Additionally you are receiving all of the services listed on the Home Page.

I’m so busy I don’t have time to get the photos and answer the one page of questions you sent me.  I’m working, taking a class, and sooo busy…the response to that is obviously, then do you have time to cultivate a relationship?  Do you have time to come in for a two hour interview?  Do you have time to meet people?

I agree with your whole structure, your philosophy and the quality of your clients.  The fee is how much?…from a gentleman who has not spoken with the other matchmaking services in Denver or he would know I’m the least costly for all that I offer.

You didn’t ask me to write this differently, all of your clients’ narratives list activities…Actually with every new client I go through the questionnaire in my office and then the new client views profiles selected especially for them.  I always say be sure to read the narratives so you can get an idea of what I want you to write.  DO NOT list activities as I already have them.  Write a narrative that says something I didn’t cover in the rest of the questionnaire and will make you stand out from others.  That can be the deciding factor in some cases as to whether someone wants to meet you or not.  I say the exact same thing to every new client.

Can you quantify the amount of men in my age range?  As I’ve explained on many other Posts and Pages, until I interview you and know your criteria and preferences I cannot tell you over the phone how many profiles you will be looking at.  It doesn’t matter how many people are in that age range, it matters whether any of them fit for you.  You only need ONE to really fit!

I will add more of them when they come to mind or come up in conversations.  In case you have any of these thoughts hopefully I have addressed your concerns.

Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields

CATFISHING AND INTERNET DATING SERVICES

Dr. Phil Reruns Two Catfish Tales on Match.com

All information about Denver matchmaking services has come directly from either printed reviews and material already online and/or from callers or clients.  This is not my personal review.

What is “catfishing”?  The loose definition is a person (possibly from Nigeria but not necessarily) who puts a fake profile on an Internet dating site (usually Match.com as it’s the most widely known) to meet people who they proceed to suck money from.  In my opinion anyone who is crazy enough to start sending money to people they know nothing about and met online has some problems.  But this is more about fraud, deception and thievery by the “catfish”.  You will never, to my knowledge, find this practice going on in local brick and mortar Denver matchmaking services.

Dr. Phil reran two stories about both male and female catfish on his show last week.  I have seen that story both times.  When you use an Internet dating site that is one of the pitfalls, amongst a million others, that can happen.  The minute someone you don’t know asks for money STOP STOP STOP and disconnect from them!  I don’t care how lonely you are, how desperate you are, how much you WANT to believe them, STOP AND DISCONNECT!  One woman who was catfished gave the guy $185,000, another woman $30,000 and some guys fell for fake pictures and gave away between $30K and $50K.

Obviously you have a responsibility to show common sense by not sending money, gift cards or anything else to people on dating sites or anywhere else for that matter.  But this practice is prevalent on Match.com especially because of it’s notoriety.

If you’ve read some of my other posts you will also see there have been stories on Dateline NBC repeatedly about various felons people have met on Match.com.  Be careful!

WHAT’S AN OLD FASHIONED MATCHMAKER?

In short, it’s ME!  Since 1989 I’ve been handwriting answers to the 6-page questionnaire/profile for each client while we interview for 2 hours face-to-face in my private office.  The information that is viewed by new clients consists of this questionnaire/profile along with current photos both head shots and full-length shots of each prospect.  I hand the actual paper profile that I choose based on the information shared with me by both clients to you and you decide, with my input, who you wish to meet and in what order.

It is a very collaborative process which is the most beneficial to my clients.  Lots of information, my input and they make the final decision.  Once you are on file and someone new selects you, I phone you and read their entire profile to you.  If you find that appealing than I e-mail the pictures, so you have both visual and content to make your decision.  I NEVER e-mail personal addresses of any kind or any information that you’ve shared on your profile.  That is too personal and confidential to put in an e-mail and send through the Internet.

After the clients meet, they both phone me with their feedback.  That process may continue even past the first introduction just so that I really get to know how each client behaves in this type of venue.  That way I can share parts of the feedback with them so they may tweak future behavior if they choose.  Also, so they don’t waste time waiting for a phone call that never comes.

You might call me a facilitator, confidant, matchmaker and coach.  Those are the qualities that make an “old fashioned Matchmaker”.  Those are the qualities you should be looking for when choosing a Denver Matchmaker.  Bon Jour Matchmaking Service has been matchmaking single Denver professionals for 34 years.

SINGLES, YOU MUST BE BETTER CONSUMERS WITH DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICES

I am hearing from Denver singles on a regular basis how disappointed they are in the local matchmaking services they’ve chosen.  It is always the same reasons…too expensive, no information or photos of prospective matches, matches who are not even close to the criteria set forth initially/ongoing and a lack of interaction with the owner/matchmakers once they are a client.  Don’t work with “matchmakers” who really have no experience in this field and have been educated and working in some other vocation but thought matchmaking would be fun.  It’s too serious to you and too much money to “play” matchmaker.

If you are the type of person who wants to see a questionnaire and pictures of prospects why are you letting someone talk you into eliminating that to do it their way.  Especially, in certain instances, when the owner/matchmakers haven’t been doing this business for very long.

Also, don’t join a service that doesn’t fit for you because you liked the owner.  That is ridiculous!  You should be taking a good look at the structure, what information and services you are paying this fee for and how long the person has been matchmaking.  Obviously the longer someone has been matchmaking (and I don’t mean for other companies who did it differently) makes a HUGE difference in your success and experience in their service.  I’m not saying to ignore your interaction with the owner, however after 33 years in Denver matchmaking I can tell you that even with a client that was not the best partnership for me, that had nothing to do with my interest or success in reaching their romantic goal.  It is one component but should NEVER be the entire reason to ignore all of the other features.

Rather than make a large investment in services that don’t fit for you, shop through a Google or Bing search Denver matchmakers, Denver matchmaking, matchmaking in Denver and call them, then compare.  If you are willing to spend thousands of dollars then you should be willing to do your homework prior to spending it.

Last, but not least, services that have limited contracts and/or limited matches (where you purchase a specific number of matches) are a waste of your emotion, time and financial resources.  They have their own agenda and it is all about the money, not you.   As I’ve said several times on this site, a service that won’t quote you their rate on the phone and interviews you in coffee shops or hotels (anywhere outside of a private office) should be avoided!  If you follow this advice it will save you a lot of frustration and money.

WHY HER CLIENTS LOVE MICHELE FIELDS, DENVER’S MOST ESTABLISHED PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER

Do you want the truth?  I’ll tell you the truth.  How else can you correct mistakes, fix misconceptions and get the inside scoop unless you work with a well established Denver Matchmaker?  For 34 years I have been facilitating matches in collaboration with my clients and have stepped in when necessary to bridge gaps in communication.

If you feel like you’ve been making dating mistakes but cannot figure out what they are, as your Matchmaker I give clients feedback as to what my clients like and dislike, feedback on something(s) that may have turned the other person off when they first met.  During the interview and profile viewing, feedback on being too narrow or even too open is shared with each client.  Zeroing in on who you want and how you need to present yourself to make a successful partnership/marriage.

I have a client who used to be focused on having children at a more mature age.  We have worked together for a couple of years focusing on younger women who want children.  Unfortunately, my younger women who want children also want a husband around their age.  So, he has been unsuccessful in selecting someone to meet and having mutual interest.  He has finally reached an age where I’ve asked the question is it more important to have children at this age or to find the right person?  With a little prodding he has come to the realization that finding the right person is the most important goal.  He is now meeting more women.

I had a client who would not date anyone who didn’t have health insurance even though if she married someone like that, he would be covered under her work plan.  I did not know this preference (it’s not asked on the questionnaire) until after she met a guy who she really clicked with.  Finding that he didn’t have health insurance due to the nature of his independent work she stopped seeing him.  I got in the middle and let him know that was the only issue.  He was interested enough in her that he increased his hours at his second career so that he would be covered by insurance.  But he was too shy to let her know, too gun shy to call her after the break-up.  So, I phoned her and told her what he’d done and now they are happily together.

Those are just two examples of why singles love working with Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.  I genuinely want this process to work and will do all that I can to assist in that process.

So, if you are single and don’t know where to turn call me for your FREE phone consultation…303-756-8106