AN INTERVIEW WITH A 31-YEAR VETERAN DENVER MATCHMAKER

  1. What is your favorite part of matchmaking?  The interviewing and the coaching.  Of course the matchmaking process.
  2. Who do you least like to work with after 31 years?  Teachers (K-12) are the most difficult clients.  They are often flaky and don’t follow through as promised.  Again, disappointing and surprising but very consistent.  Also women in their twenties can be uncooperative.  When they are cooperative they are a pleasure, but have run into issues with some so I now start at 30.
  3. Why do you have an open-ended contract?  I cannot promise any new client that the perfect person is already in the service waiting for them on the day they join.  Nor is there any way of knowing when the “right” person will appear.  With that in mind I feel that every client NEEDS to have an open-ended contract so that they will be in the service when the right person presents themselves, whenever that may be.
  4. What has disappointed you the most about Denver matchmaking over 31 years?  The lack of appreciation.  It never ceases to amaze me and disappoint me when a couple becomes engaged and they don’t tell me, invite me to the wedding or tell the truth about how they met.  It appears to emanate from the women…who BTW are the most demanding of the clients.  So one would think that if you get the job done they would be appreciative.
  5. Who are the easiest clients to work with?  I have a post listing 4 or 5 personality traits that make working with certain clients both successful and a pleasure.
  6. Who are your most successful clients?  The most realistic ones who believe in the structure and trust me.
  7. How has your business been so successful while others have failed?  It is my heart, not just a business.  I really want everyone to succeed even though realistically I know that not everyone can.  I work full time on such a personal level with each client, which is why they choose to work with me.  So many clients have been successful because the structure of the service and my fees vary vastly from other Denver matchmaking services.
  8. Why don’t you advertise?  Because I’ve been in business for so long I cannot “water down” the quality of the clientele.  Advertising is very expensive and brings in a lot of inappropriate callers.  I have to be very diligent when accepting new clients who both fit in with current clients and who really understand and embrace the structure and philosophy of Bon Jour Matchmaking.  I only work with people who fit what my clients stipulate.  Also I would have to increase the fees to support advertising which I don’t want to do.
  9. How many matches should your clients expect to meet while in your service?  My hope is that they are so discerning they couple or marry the first or second match.  This is Matchmaking so not everyone is an appropriate prospect.  We decide together who they meet and they can meet as many people as they feel are good matches, but my preference is that we take our time and not wear them out with all the wrong ones so they are too discouraged to meet the right one(s).  To zero in on who they are looking for…the needle in the haystack.
  10. Your structure and philosophy seem popular and very successful with singles.  Have others tried to copy you?  There is a woman in L.A. who is the sister of a friend of mine who actually used language from my Press Kit verbatim to start her own service.  I had left my Press Kit with him and unknowingly to me, he gave it to her.  Locally not so much as the way I operate takes a lot of work on a personal level with each client and the local services don’t seem to want to put in the work.  If you do it right there can be a good deal of time and effort involved.

MEETING MICHELE THE MATCHMAKER OF BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE

Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields, dubbed that name by Denver Post columnist Bill Husted, has been matchmaking full-time for 35 years! As the “oldest” professional Matchmaker in Denver she never expected to learn as much as she has from her clients and the Denver singles population in general.

When structuring Bon Jour Matchmaking, Fields wanted to make this service totally different from any other by staying true to the title of “Matchmaker”.   Over these many years she’s honed her listening ability as well as seen patterns of behavior from clients, both good and bad, that direct the potential of a relationship. Her suggestions to clients come directly from more than a quarter century of experience and observation. Using those lessons by hand-holding clients through the process Bon Jour Matchmaking Service stands alone in the Front Range as an “Old Fashioned Matchmaking Service”.

It has become clear that Denver singles comparing local services are seeing Bon Jour stand out from the rest by virtue of the personal interaction, reasonable investment, feedback, quality of clientele, personal coaching, length of time in business and the list goes on.

Even in the 35th year of Denver matchmaking, rather than decreasing in popularity due to the Internet dating services, apps and Denver matchmaking services, there has been a substantial INCREASE in popularity and preference among the single professionals looking for love through a seasoned Matchmaker. On its 35th anniversary Bon Jour Matchmaking Service substantially increased its clientele without any publicity, advertising or other gimmicky props…merely on its own merit!

IS BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE RIGHT FOR YOU?

In an effort to assist you in deciding whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the service for you, I’ve compiled a list of criteria that does not fit for Bon Jour clients. Should one or more of these describe you or your thought process I wish you good luck and suggest you phone another Denver matchmaking service:
1. If you are a man who is set on meeting only women 15+ years younger than yourself;

2. If you are a woman who states that you date men 5-10 years younger all the time, that is not going to happen in here;

3. If you are a male whose height is UNDER 5’8″ your success in Bon Jour is limited;

4. If you are a female who is larger than a size 8 your success in Bon Jour is limited;

5. If you are of the thinking that matchmaking is a “numbers game”, that is the total opposite of my philosophy;

6. If you feel that because you are paying a fee the service should absolutely work for you, you are not being realistic;

7. If you think that the day you join Bon Jour the “perfect” match is on file waiting for you, they may be but I cannot promise that…thus the OPEN-ENDED CONTRACT;

8. If you think that your success is totally in my hands, you are not being realistic. YOU are more than 50% of the success in a matchmaking service. You should collaborate and provide all that is needed and requested of you to add to your ultimate success;

9. If you come in and say, “this is the kind of person I date” and are not willing to be open and flexible when viewing profiles you will be less successful;

10.  If you have JUST gotten divorced you will not do well in Bon Jour until some time has passed.  My clients are leery of newly divorced singles;

11.  If you are planning on moving out of Colorado in the next few years you probably won’t do well;

12. If you have been burned by other Denver matchmaking services and have a bad attitude, please don’t contact me until you can get passed that frame of mind. Bon Jour is unlike any service in Denver!

Hopefully this list will assist you when choosing the right Denver matchmaker for you. You may ask how I know the above…28 years of full time matchmaking in the Denver marketplace. If I didn’t know the above you should question my expertise! Best of luck to you.

WHY DENVER’S BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE IS RAISING IT’S FEE IN 2014

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If you’ve read through the website you will know by now that upon the 25th Anniversary of Bon Jour in January, 2014 your investment will increase.  Why is that?

1.   25 years of experience in one-on-one counseling, matchmaking and coaching;

2.   313 marriages since 1989;

3.   Local services are charging much higher fees for less services.  This new investment will still be more in line with other Denver matchmaking/dating services;

4.   I’ve been told that the perception is…if a service charges a high fee that dictates the quality of a service; (BTW not true)

5.   You receive as a client extensive information and current photos about every client;

6.   You have an open-ended contract at no extra fee.  Every client receives that and always has;

7.   The in-depth coaching through the dating process;

8.   Open 7 days a week and holidays;

9.   Last, but not least, again 25 years in the Denver matchmaking business!

 

MATCHMAKING, COACHING, LISTENING AND LEARNING AT THIS DENVER SERVICE

Hiring a matchmaking service is a lot like hiring a financial adviser to direct you in the stock market.  You invest your money hoping for a large return; you have patience because the market can go up and down and you are basically making an educated decision about this form of investment.  Likewise in a matchmaking service your investment is in the hopes that you will meet people who you’ve been searching for up to this point; you are directed by the matchmaker which candidates (like stocks) will give you the best return; it can take time to meet the most appropriate matches and they may be successful or not.  It’s an investment in the process.  Again, patience is key.  With my open-ended contract you have the best opportunity to meet the “right” person when they present themselves.

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service not only matches you with an abundance of information and photos of each client but also includes coaching.   The important and valuable thing about the dating coaching aspect is that I am objective and receiving feedback on both sides of the match.  That way I can follow if you have a trend of doing something that undermines potential relationships and am able to share that with you and hopefully correct it.  That has come up a lot recently with many of my clients.

Although they are very well educated, accomplished and outstanding individuals they tend to make the same mistakes with each match as I learn from the feedback.  Consequently we have to address this so that they will be more successful in the future.  I can set you up with terrific people, but if you keep undermining the process you will get the same results…I can lead a horse to water but I can’t make it drink out of a glass.

The first suggestion I would make to anyone considering working with a Denver matchmaker is that rather than say, this is the type of person I usually date or this is my type and this isn’t you keep an open mind.  If this is the “type” you usually date it isn’t working and perhaps you should consider being more open minded rather than repeating a “type” that hasn’t been working out.  In my 40 year dating “career”, although there were certain looks I was most attracted to I also made room for other things about a person that I found attractive.  We all know couples who, on paper, don’t seem to match up very much or look odd together, but low and behold they have long and happy marriages because the very most important attributes such as values, morals, some level of attraction and goals are a match.

If what you’ve been doing in selecting the people you date and/or behaving the same way on dates has not been working (and I presume that’s why you are on here reading this), doesn’t it make sense to try another approach?  That’s not to say that you can’t and won’t meet people you find attractive in all ways (that’s your decision to make after reading their profile and viewing their photos as well as my input), I’m just saying rather than being more narrow when you hire a matchmaker, be more open.

REVIEW OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE MATCHMAKERS

This was taken from the Huffington Post.

Woman sues millionaire matchmakers, Kelleher & Associates, who she paid $45k to ‘set her up with convicted criminals, a man looking for friends with benefits, a sexually promiscuous Internet sex toy purveyor and an animal hater’

By Rachel Quigley

PUBLISHED: 08:10 EST, 20 September 2012 | UPDATED: 08:14 EST, 20 September 2012

A 59-year-old woman is suing a millionaire matchmaking company who she claims set her up with countless unsuitable matches despite the fact she paid the mother-daughter duo $45,000 to find her someone who fit her profile.

In 2008, Joan E. Cooke, from Florida, hired premier matchmaking firm Kelleher & Associates, run by former Hollywood actresses Amber Kelleher and her daughter Jill – who boasted clients who were Grammy award-winning singers, producers and actors.

But this was far from what Ms Cooke – an executive at two healthcare firms – was matched with. In fact in some cases, they were almost the antithesis of what she requested in a suitable partner.
Florida woman: Joan Cooke is suing a pair of mother-daughter millionaire matchmakers after she paid their firm $45,000 for dating services and was set up with suitors who didn’t match her tastes

Cupid: In 2008, Joan E. Cooke hired the firm Kelleher & Associates, a premier matchmaking service run by Amber Kelleher and her daughter Jill, both former Hollywood actresses

According to the law suit, of the 13 men she was matched with;

One was a sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor, despite her profile stating she was seeking family, fidelity and intellectual sophistication.

A Google search on another showed that he had criminal convictions for fraud ‘as long as a very long arm’ dating back to the 1970s.

Stating that she was a Democrat and fairly liberal in all areas, she was twice matched with Republicans, with the excuse given by Kelleher that ‘opposites attract’.

On two other occasions, the men she went on a date with informed her they were not looking for a monogamous relationship, despite the fact she specifically requested this in her profile. One man told her he wanted only ‘friends with benefits’.

Despite the fact Joan Cooke, left, said she was an animal lover, one of the suitors said she would have to put her cats, right, outside if he ever visited

She later found that both men were not paying members of the site.

Another man told her she would have to put her cats outside if he came to visit as he didn’t like animals. In her profile, Cooke expressed a love of animals and desire to keep more.

The law suit states: ‘Cook’s purportedly personalized search yielded 13 matches, the backgrounds, personalities, interests and behavior of these matches reveal very clearly that Kelleher had not used reasonable good faith efforts to find a suitor based on her profile.’

‘There is absolutely nothing in Cooke’s profile to suggest that she would be compatible with a sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor and aficionado,’ reads the complaint, filed in California Supreme Court last week.

Cooke is demanding restitution from the firm along with at least $25,000 in damages.

A Kelleher & Associates spokesman told the Huffington Post in an email that the lawsuit was baseless, adding that the 25-year-old company had never before been sued.

They said in a 2010 interview they have had 400 marriages to come from their matchmaking.

WHO KELLEHER & ASSOCIATES DEEMED SUITABLE PARTNERS FOR JOAN

Suitor A: Ms Cooke specifically stated she did not want a ‘semi-retired individual who wishes to spend time with their grandchildren’ and desired someone athletic and active. Suitor A was a ‘sedentary semi-retired individual who wished to spend time with his grandchildren’.

Suitor B: A sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor, despite Ms Cooke’s profile stating she was seeking family, fidelity and intellectual sophistication.

Suitor C: Ms Cooke loves animals and stated in her profile that she has aspirations to own dogs and horses along with her cats. Suitor C hates animals and told her the cats would have to be placed outside if he ever visited.

Suitor D: A former Republican whip who had a criminal conviction for driving so drunk, other vehicles had to veer off the road to avoid colliding with his car.

Suitor E: A Google search showed that suitor E had criminal convictions for fraud dating back to the 1970s in Manhattan, with a judge saying he has a ‘record of convictions as long as his arm, and it’s a long arm’.

Suitor F: Told Ms Cooke he was not a paying client of Kelleher Associates, was only interested in ‘friends with benefits’ and had a list of beautiful women he could ‘bed’.

Suitor G: Stating that she was a Democrat and fairly liberal in all areas, she was matched with a very conservative Republican, with the excuse given by Kelleher that ‘opposites attract’.

Suitor H: Despite stating she was looking for a long-term monogamous relationship, this man told her from the outset he was not interested in monogamy

Suitor I: One of the top three priorities Ms Cooke listed was career and income as she wanted to travel frequently with her new partner. This suitor had to re-enter the workforce after retirement to ‘make ends meet’.

There’s not much I can add to that…

IN BON JOUR MATCHMAKING WE ARE PARTNERS

When you first contact me to ask questions about my service that is when we both start evaluating whether my structure, philosophy and personality fit for you and I assess whether you truly understand my philosophy, whether you are realistic, your dating attitude and whether we communicate well enough to work together. Also, whether you fit what my clients are looking for. To make this a successful partnership both sides have to fit…just like with your matches.

As it says all over my website this is an OLD FASHIONED MATCHMAKING SERVICE.  Presumably you are calling me because you understand that and all that means.  So to ask me how many are in my “database” right off the bat tells me you don’t get it.  My clients are not a “database”, they are clients.  Would you want to be considered part of a database or a client?  One implies a much closer relationship than the other.

If your philosophy is the more people I meet the more apt I am to find the right one, that it’s a numbers game, this is not the service for you.  This is a MATCHMAKING service, consequently you are not thrown together with just anyone in your age range or that you purchased in a package.  You are MATCHED, on both sides, with the most appropriate people.  I presume you are only looking for “The ONE”, not the bunch to have a serious relationship with or marry.  Remember, almost all the couples who have married, married either the first or second person I introduced them to.

If we decide to work together I will ask you to send me a minimum of 8 pictures prior to your interview.  If you do not follow that request it becomes clear that you may be difficult to work with.  There are things in this service that you agree to follow as on the Behavioral Agreement and Contract and I need to see prior to our meeting that you are reliable and follow through.  That’s why people select Bon Jour, because the clients are reliable and have the same goal unlike in other local matchmaking services.  Again, this is a partnership and from the very first contact it becomes clear to me whether you are with me or against me.  For your best results we need to be partners.

When we work together I am your advocate, confidant, partner, agent and representative.  I am always present either in person or by phone when I read someone your profile and send them your photos so they often ask my opinion of you and/or whether you would be a better choice than someone else they have viewed.  So if I were the client I would be as nice, polite, obliging and cooperative with my matchmaker as possible so that when a prospect asks about me my matchmaker would gush about how much they like me and how easy I am to work with, etc.  Does that make sense?

Some of the Posts on my website may come off as very direct and emphatic.  I am very confidant both in my matchmaking abilities based on the 36 years of matchmaking and the structure of this service.  I didn’t purchase Bon Jour from someone else, I created it in 1989.  I didn’t work for another service and then decide to steal their clients and start my own.  This is and always has been my baby.  My clients are my “kids” and I’m as protective of them as a mother would be of her children.  I guess the bottom line is…you can choose to be part of a database or you can choose to be one of my clients.  Either way I wish you the best of luck in your quest! 

WHAT’S BON JOUR MATCHMAKING’S BEHAVIORAL AGREEMENT?

I’ve heard complaints from clients who have used both the Internet dating sites, apps and local dating/matchmaking services that the behavior of people they have met was inappropriate even though in some cases they’ve paid thousands of dollars for the service. I implemented this Behavioral Agreement for every client of Bon Jour Matchmaking from day one in 1989 so that my clients show each other mutual respect.

When a new client joins the Bon Jour family, they sign both a regular contract stipulating fee and responsibilities of both parties as well as a Behavioral Agreement. Stipulated in the Agreement are basic manners which you would assume people would know and use, however that is not always the case. For example, clients are responsible to let me know if there is a change in their appearance so that I may update their photos, contact information changes, dating status changes, etc.  But most important to me are the points of contact, meeting and feedback.

These stipulations help Bon Jour Matchmaking run smoothly, mitigate the frustration of clients on little things that may impede the success of a match and help me get to know each and every client in more depth than just at the time of the interview. That has to be one of the main reasons there have been 300+ marriages to date through Bon Jour!

PREMIERE DENVER MATCHMAKER SAYS “LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES”

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Through my twenties, thirties and a bit in my forties I dated veraciously.  I had always thought that the more men I dated the better chance I would have of meeting the right one…NOT!  It took until my mid-forties to realize, obviously, that does not work.  It only wears you out, changes your attitude for the worse and baffles you.  That is why, along with the fact that Internet Dating Sites are often used in that way and don’t work, my philosophy in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is to take your time, be patient and wait for the RIGHT matches to come along.

Another mistake I made during my dating career was that I jumped to lots of negative conclusions too quickly.  I see my clients do it all the time and I have to pull them back to reality and slow them down to give someone a chance.  Often they have, as I used to do, decided based on very little evidence that a person is not that interested or a number of other incorrect conclusions.  That’s when I swoop in the middle, correct their misperception(s) and put the potential relationship back on track.  I was going to say that at a certain age we all jump to conclusions, but I have been working with ages 25-40 now and they do it too.

One thing you should NEVER say to someone is “I’m not going to settle”.  It makes you sound arrogant and inflexible.  Occasionally my clients say it to me, which is fine, but I caution them not to write it in their Personal Narrative or say it to a new introduction.  It’s like throwing cold water on someone when you say that.

Don’t play games when you are cultivating a relationship.  This is directed at both men and women.  Yes, men play games too like not calling too soon or getting together too often for fear of either looking too interested/anxious or turning a woman off.  Don’t follow things like “The Rules” or “Cosmo Magazine”, remember those are written to make money…and they do.  That doesn’t mean they are correct or should be taken as gospel.  Each person you meet is different and therefore must be treated differently based on your observations of their personality.  Each person brings out different qualities in you.  For example someone can ask two people who you’ve dated what you are like and they may get totally different responses based on what that person and relationship brought out in you.

Check out some of my other Posts with Dating Advice throughout this Blog.  Can’t hurt…

SOME FREE ADVICE FOR SINGLES FROM A VETERAN DENVER MATCHMAKER

Let’s start with the men:

Men are very visual and want a woman who is fit and healthy, has an interesting style and he will be proud to introduce to friends, family and co-workers.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find men in Denver who dress well????  They are few and far between.  The best way to make a great first impression on a woman is to give your attire as much thought as women do before meeting you.  Especially in Denver where everyone is overly casual.  There is casual stylish and neat and there is casual sloppy.   Women are just as visual as men.  If you have facial hair make sure it is cropped so if you are inspired to go in for the kiss it doesn’t scratch her and make her back up.  Wear deodorant and/or cologne, preferably both but at least one of them.  Women put a ton of thought into that first outfit (or at least they should) and if you want that attractive, stylish woman you have to be as well.

Now for the women:

I am always shocked when in 2023 women say to me “I don’t call men”.  Well, I’m here to tell you you’d better start!  Men have told me directly they get tired of always having to call and make the plans.  If they didn’t pick up the signal that you are interested men hate rejection.  They may opt not to call if they think they will be rejected.  So, if you ARE interested you better let them know.  Also return their calls in a timely manner and initiate calls and plans.  If you don’t do it some other woman will and that’s who he will be dating.  This is 2023 stop with the “Rules” they no longer apply.  They don’t apply for wearing white after Labor Day, hemlines, haircuts, etc.  Men are tired of doing all the work.  Yes, they enjoy the chase, but they want to be chased back!

I’ve got lots of dating advice.  You may read other posts on this Blog or become a client and receive those and feedback as part of my matchmaking.