A LAST LETTER TO MY DEAREST FRIEND RICK BARBER

A Letter For Everyone Who Has A Close Friend They Love

My Dearest Ricky,

You’ve been in my thoughts everyday for the past two weeks.  I was so hurt and angry with you about the birthday thing it was taking some time for me to let it go.  But it has been cleared up that Fran didn’t invite several of your closest friends or your son!  But I was getting there.  I thought I had time…

How can I forgive myself for not forgiving you sooner and now you’re gone?  There’s a hard lesson in this…one of many that you’ve taught me over the years.  DON’T STAY MAD you never know when you will lose your chance to make up.  I was getting there but now it’s too late.

In speaking with your caretakers from Emeritus,  I know that you went exactly how and when you wanted to and that the stress created by Fran and Rae was contributing to your loss of energy and willpower.  They said you had your last cigarette and they had taken you back to your room.  That you asked for a Hospice nurse and by the time they came back you had peacefully passed.  I know you, you didn’t want to go through what ALS had in store or put anyone else through that.  So you did it your way.  The best part of it for you is that you will see your mother again.  Also that you won’t have to endure what ALS would have in-store.   And maybe my other best friend, Dante (Zarlengo), will do me the favor of taking your hand and showing you the ropes.  He’s gone 10 years this year and you and I were on the phone talking about going to the ClearChannel Christmas Party the day he died.  You both went so much faster than the doctors’ prognosis.  Good for you both so you didn’t have lengthy suffering, but so hard for all of us who loved you!

Because we had such a close friendship there were stipulations you put in place to work around certain other relationships.  Because I loved you so much my friend I was willing to work with you, even when I thought you were being unfair and dishonest at times.  You were always the best friend to me and I did all that I could for you but especially when you became ill.  Thank goodness you were in a safe place being well taken care of the past couple of months.  I have the peace of mind of knowing that was all my doing and it was exactly what you needed.  That’s what we did for each other.  You took care of me when I needed it and I took care of you when everyone else was too busy to notice or in denial as to how bad your situation really was.  You made the decision you needed assisted living, it was not forced on you, and you were a champ when it came to giving up your free wheeling way of life.  You faced life straight on, you were one of the most forgiving and brave human beings I’ve ever known.

I will always remember the New Year’s Eves we spent together, the trips to the mountains to do interviews both for my newspaper column and our radio show.  Doing your overnight show on KOA Radio for 3 years together.  Meeting for your beloved chocolate martinis.  All the lunches and all the dinners.  Going to the Denver Art Museum and the Rockies games.  Shopping for gifts for your friends and family for the holidays.  All of the lovely gifts we exchanged for holidays and birthdays.  I still have the bottle of wine I was saving for you.  I think I’ll keep it just so that every time I open the refrigerator and see it I’ll think of you.  You are all over my house my friend.  When I look at Joey who loved you, my new toilet seats, my lawn mower and many other pieces of you that will always be with me.

I cannot imagine this life without you.  I cannot imagine my life without you.  We were friends, not lovers, but the closest of friendly soul mates.  A New York guy hanging out with a Delaware girl.  We got each other and I can’t even express through the tears how much I’ll miss you and how sad I am that you’re gone…the world just doesn’t seem as interesting.

Sleep well sweet prince until we meet again.  I miss you every day!  You will live in my heart Ricky…with love always, Your Michey

UPDATE ON TWO OF DENVER’S DATING SERVICES

I received a call from a Denver single this weekend who told me that he is currently in another local matchmaking service which has now been sold twice in the six years it’s been in business.  His feedback was that the service was recently sold and the owner of the six year old one who said she would partner with the new owner up and left.  So, according to him, the person running this combo is now trying to run both individually, which he felt is good for the services but bad for the clients.  It’s confusing, the new owner doesn’t know the clients and this Denver single is skeptical it will work out for him.  The other service has only been around for 2 years and he also mentioned that he realizes now that he needs much more information than they supply.  2/4/14 Current information says that Duets Matchmaking is CLOSED according to YELP.

Another of their clients joined Bon Jour yesterday stating the same information but further saying that the new owner is not in touch. She claims to have tons of matches for her but does not respond to her calls and e-mails and she has not been set up with these “tons of matches”.  She also stated that the one time she was set up the new owner called and told her a couple of descriptive terms about the guy and that was it.  This client was left to trust the owner’s taste as far as whether she would like this match.  She also was interviewed at a Starbucks.

When asked what made them call Bon Jour Matchmaking they explained that they were looking for someone to work with that had been in business for a long period of time; knows all of her clients; and gets to know them personally enhancing the experience of finding a mate and has lots of information and pictures of prospective matches.  They both loved the website and the amount of information provided to clients for prospective matches as well as my input on clients.

There is no rule or law saying you can’t be in more than one service.  So if you are using an Internet Dating Site but are dissatisfied, you can also try a local service.  Even if you are in a local service you can try other local services that have a different structure.  

DO YOU WANT TO DATE OR A MATE?

It’s Your Choice…

When deciding to use a matchmaking service one of the most important considerations is are you looking to “date” or to “mate”.  You should feel that your investment is in your future, starting a brand new life with someone who you have chosen who has chosen you.  If you are truly serious about finding love then it may be time to get serious about how to achieve that goal.

If you are interested in immediate gratification than a REAL matchmaker is not what you are looking for.  I am from the old school of matchmaking combined with the realities of 2023.  If you are looking for “dates” i.e., buying a specific package of dates for a specific period of time, then Bon Jour is not for you.  If, however, you have played the numbers game with the Internet dating services to no avail and/or other services who sell “dates” with no success perhaps it is time to go old school.

 Old school meaning one matchmaker who knows all of her clients, who gets to know you personally, who has an open-ended contract so that whenever the right person comes in you will be here.  Collaborative matchmaking not a dictatorship.  Matchmaking that gives you substantial information on each client including current photos, a 5 page questionnaire and my input from my knowledge and experience of 34 years in the matchmaking business.

If you are serious about finding “the one” perhaps it’s now time to get serious about how you do that.  Matchmaking is an art.  It is not always immediate gratification…”well what do I get for the filing fee”?  Hopefully you get married when the right person presents themselves, you get to be a client until and when that person presents themselves, you invest a fraction of the expense you would pay in services who just throw you together with the number of dates you purchased.  You get a REAL matchmaker who has had 300+ successful marriages and knows what works and what doesn’t.  You meet ONLY the appropriate matches based on your preferences and criteria who have been vetted by me.  You also receive access to the single professionals who are prevalent in Denver and who are genuinely serious about their future and finding a mate!

WHY BON JOUR MATCHMAKING CLIENTS APPRECIATE THIS SERVICE

The type of Denver singles who join Bon Jour Matchmaking Service are people who already have made a good life for themselves. They are well educated, have stable careers and may travel extensively both for work and for pleasure. Many have already tried Internet dating sites, dating apps and local matchmaking services. So, they know what they like and don’t like in a service and what they expect from a personal Matchmaker. My clientele can count on the fact that what they see (on the questionnaire and photos) is what they get and that all clients are single and genuinely searching for love.

To keep my clientele happy and secure I start evaluating someone from their very first phone contact. The initial FREE phone consultation, which may last up to an hour or more, gives both myself and the potential client a very good idea of whether this type of structure is best for them. It also shows both of us whether we may be able to work together in this endeavor. And last, but not least, it tells me whether this person both will fit in with the current clientele and is someone my clients would want to meet. Of course I am only making an educated guess at that as any client may turn down any profile that is shown to them.

My clients who have used the services mentioned above to find love do not want to play dating by the numbers (meaning the more people you meet the better your chances are). They are already burned out on mass dating from other local services who sell a specific number of dates for an outrageous fee and/or dating sites where it is like a second job to go through who is being honest and the best fit. They now have opted for my philosophy of taking your time and only meeting the few most appropriate matches that we both choose so they don’t get discouraged and worn out.

In addition they appreciate my formula of who I select to become a client. I tell both men and women, they can meet a jerk for free, so I not only feel out someone before they join, after they become a client and through feedback from other clients, it is an ongoing choice to work together. Most singles who call me for Bon Jour are really worn out from the mass dating they’ve been doing. They want a smarter and more honed approach and feel they are receiving that from my philosophy.

Matchmaking is not a quick fix. The real thing MAY take some time or not in some lucky cases, but all agree it is certainly worth it to find your last first date and change the rest of your life!

DIRECT AND HONEST or CHARISMATIC AND UNTRUSTWORTHY

Which Do You Prefer?

Are you the type of person who falls for charm and charisma and lives to regret it?  Those charismatic charmers are often called scammers.  I have a relative who is very, very charismatic, however once he’s “got” you he’s like a snake and will bite you the minute you are off guard. Yes, they are wonderful to chat with but beware of doing business with them or getting romantically involved.

When you are doing business and making a financial investment whether it be with a financial advisor or a personal Matchmaker, is it more important to you that they have a “good bedside manner” even if they are not trustworthy?  There are many business owners like that in all categories of business who have left a trail of very pissed off people behind them.  In the long run the truth is the most important component regardless of the type of business.  Charisma only goes so far and in the long run cannot hide that you’ve been “taken”.

So, my personal preference is honesty, however that is delivered.  Preferably if it is delivered with tact, that would be the best scenario, but the two aren’t always compatible.  The recipient of the truth may not take it well no matter how it’s delivered if they don’t like the information.  After 35+ years of working closely with various personality types I know “you can’t please all the people all the time”.  But I’d rather be known for being direct and honest than someone who is charming but can’t be trusted.

Because of my upbringing back East (although I’ve been in Denver for 43 years) you will notice the directness and perceive the honesty.  Believe it or not I have mellowed in the 43 years…you can take the girl out of the east, but you can’t completely take the east out of the girl.  Most people living in Denver are from other states where they were raised and have brought that upbringing with them.  That’s one of the things that makes Denver cosmopolitan and diverse!

Everyone has a choice about how they wish to appear to others.  The length of time I’ve been matchmaking in Denver makes me an authority on my clients and how things work in my service. After all, I’ve created Bon Jour Matchmaking based on the structures of other services that I found to be not client friendly.  It also gives me insight into what does not work with Denver matchmaking services.  I have complete confidence in my approach which may be interpreted as cool or bottom line.  My choice has been and will continue to be direct and honest about the service, the clients and myself.  That does not appeal to everyone, but I feel if I’m asking you to entrust both with your heart and your investment in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, you deserve the truth and nothing but the truth.  How else can you be successful in this endeavor?  We have to be honest with each other.  A lack of honesty is often what is missing in dating and that’s why potential relationships fail.  I hope to bridge the gaps that can come up, especially early in a relationship.

SCARY FACTS ABOUT INTERNET DATING SERVICES

  • Ten percent of sex offenders report using online dating sites to find their victims.
  • In 2005 alone, twenty-five percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims.
  • Ten percent of online dating site members are scammers.
  • Thirty-three percent of men dating online are married.
  • Fifty-one percent of online dating singles are already in a relationship, yet are putting themselves out there as being single.

By the time you add up these numbers, the possibility of finding a real, decent person drops dramatically.  Each year scammers prey on hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting dating “victims” for financial gain (otherwise known as “cat fishing”). They claim to be in the military or out of the country for a time (and conveniently cannot meet in person), they promise marriage, or otherwise get the online dater so emotionally attached that he or she willingly sends the scammer money for any number of fraudulent uses. In 2011 alone, the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center lodged 5,600 complaints from victims of “romance scammers” with collective losses of over fifty million dollars. They believe these numbers to be a fraction of the actual losses, as they realize that many victims are too ashamed to confess exactly how much money they handed over to scammers they believed to be real potential mates. Yet many of these victims, even after discovering they were scammed, still keep the relationship going as they are convinced they have found the love of their lives.

Singles grill local matchmakers as to whether they do background checks but don’t seem to care that online dating sites do not do vetting and they join those very readily.

Some of the scariest statistics of all are:

Thirty-three percent of women have sex on the first dating encounter with the person they met online and four out of five do not use protection.

If all this is not enough to make every single person on an Internet dating site stop to take just a bit longer to get to know whom they meet online, these final statistics speak for themselves:

Each year, Internet predators commit:

16,000 abductions,

thousands of rapes,

and 100 murders.

It’s not worth saving a few bucks to put yourself in this type of jeopardy.  These statistics speak for themselves.  Stay SAFE, use a LOCAL professional matchmaking service!


	


	





	

		
ATTENTION ALL PARENTS OF SINGLES AGES 30-40!
	


	
	

		
Give The Gift That Keeps On Giving…


(click on the pink print below to go to posts)


If you are the “concerned” parent of a “child” in the above age range who has not yet found their match and would like them to work with a Professional Matchmaker get them started with a Gift Certificate.  In this age range I am currently signing new clients for a much discounted filing fee with an open-ended contract, for a limited time, until I have a good base clientele in that age range.  Once I have my base in that age range the filing fee will go up dramatically.


So if your “child” is floundering and just cannot meet the type of educated, stable, marriage minded types they and you would like them to meet why not give them “the gift that keeps on giving”.  Can you think of a better gift than to engage a Denver Matchmaker to introduce your single to their life partner?  It is the best investment you will ever make for them besides their education!  Read Posts to Read Before Joining Any Denver Matchmaking Service to understand both how Bon Jour works and the difference between Michele the Matchmaker and other local matchmaking services.


*There is a $35 introduction fee for each initial introduction.  Both sides of the match pay the $35 introduction fee.

	


	





	

		
ARE YOU READY TO WORK WITH THIS MATCHMAKER?
	


	
	

		
Below you will see an e-mail I received this morning.  The reason I am explaining this is because I must speak with you to answer questions like this person is asking in his e-mail.  I suspect most singles think that I start evaluating them once they are in front of me interviewing, however I start to evaluate whether we would work well together right from your first contact.  I am what you want, a hands-on “old fashioned”  Matchmaker…I may often contact you by phone as well as e-mail.  So if you are looking for a service that is not in communication or only works through technical means, this would not be that.


Unlike most Denver matchmaking services I don’t require you to meet with me to look you over so I can evaluate how much to charge you.  BUT to answer the questions below I have to at least speak with you.


>“I reviewed your website and want to know how much your service is. I understand you work different than other matchmakers and I would pay per match.

>

>How much is the initial fee and how much per match? I am a professional 38 year old male.

>

>Also, how big is your database? I am looking for women ages 32 to approximately 44. Of course, I already know its not a numbers game but want to know currently how many women fit in my age range.

>

>I am not interested in a phone call at this time,”


Because I am a Matchmaker I do not refer to my clients as a “database”, they are clients.  A real Matchmaker cannot pull a number out of the air and say that is my fee.  I do not have a flat fee with one limited time exception. There are specific questions I need to ask you directly as well as make sure you are a suitable fit for the service. There are requirements on my Behavioral Agreement that a client agrees to follow and I can perceive both from the tone of the e-mail and the questions this may not be the right service for this person.  So to answer one general question, “Do you accept everyone in your service?” the answer is NO.


Telling me that you want to meet women 32-44 only tells me the age. There are 6 pages of questions to ask.  Although the telephone consultation may be lengthy, I cannot ask 6 pages over the phone but to quote how many people someone will view, I have no idea until I interview you.  You may have several preferences that will either include or exclude people which I will not know until we meet and go through both the interviewing process and viewing profiles.


But the first step is definitely a phone call. The call is merely informational, NOT A SALES CALL.  To write me an e-mail like above is impossible for me to answer.  If you have lots of questions it’s best to speak with me directly.  He’s right about one thing, I am different than the other services!

	


	





	

		
LISTEN TO YOUR MATCHMAKER!
	


	
	

		
To Capture The Most Interest From The Opposite Sex


If you are working with a genuine, professional Matchmaker she will have interviewed ALL of her clients personally.  In which case she will know their preferences in most areas and be able to guide you through the first introduction with them as well as ongoing in the relationship.


Many years ago, in about 1996, I had a male client who was what you might call a “nerd” or “geek”.  Highly intelligent and nice, however wore aviator glasses, had a bowl haircut and had a scruffy beard (you know the kind that men grow but shouldn’t).  He selected 5 women that he wanted to meet.  When presented with his profile all of them declined mainly because of a lack of attraction to his appearance.  Yes, women also need to have that attraction at first sight.  Anyway, I suggested to him that he go get a descent haircut, update his glasses and shave off the beard.  I promised him that I would run his profile by the same 5 women again after he accomplished this.


To his credit he went out and did all that I asked of him.  We took new pictures and I presented his profile to the same 5 women.  And guess what?  3 of the 5 said YES.  They didn’t even realize it was the same guy!  So I’m telling you, if you take the time and investment to work with a REAL  Matchmaker than you should also listen to her/him.


Conversely I currently have a gentleman who had a beard when he signed up but in a short period of time shaved it down to a mustache.  Every woman who has viewed his profile has said NO because of the facial hair, but particularly with the mustache.  So I’ve given him their feedback repeatedly and strongly suggested that he shave the mustache.  Well he dug in his heels and wouldn’t do it.  Finally I said it appears you’ve chosen your mustache over meeting someone.  And guess what?  He finally wrote that he’s shaved the mustache!  So once I have his new pictures I will run his profile past the same women and see if there are any takers.


On my questionnaire I specifically ask questions about height, hair, facial hair, make-up, body build, etc.  So I KNOW what my clients prefer.  With no exceptions 100% of the women prefer a clean shaven man.  I don’t make the news, I just report it.  So with 24 years of matchmaking under my belt and having interviewed EVERY client that’s the scoop.  LISTEN TO YOUR MATCHMAKER.

	


	





	

		
“READY FOR LOVE” INSPIRES SINGLE DENVER MEN TO JOIN BON JOUR MATCHMAKING
	


	
	

		
Since the show “Ready For Love” started I’ve had a spike in calls from single Denver men interested in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.  A couple of the men explained that they looked up Kelleher International since one of the Matchmakers on the show is Kelleher and they had so many bad reviews he wouldn’t consider them.  Another, also speaking of Kelleher, said that he had a close friend who worked for them briefly and according to his friend they stick it to the men for thousands of dollars and just throw women at them not at all matching them up for thousands of dollars.


So another episode aired last night and one thing I have in common with the Matchmakers is that even when I give advice to certain clients that I know will serve them well they have not taken it.  Thus undermining a potentially successful relationship.  Remember, I know both sides of the match and am privy to the thoughts and reactions of each side.  Who is in a better position to direct and suggest to you then I?  That is the point of interviewing and sustaining a personal relationship with each and every client and having one Matchmaker who knows all of her clients.


Services that have multiple “matchmakers” working on commission have them coming and going.  None of them really know the clients and in most cases have never even met most of them.  You may start with one “matchmaker” and get switched over during the course of your limited contract to someone who knows nothing about you or the other clients.


Don’t underestimate the value of a service where the Owner/Matchmaker (myself) has a relationship with every single client and has an open-ended contract so that when the right match comes in, you are here to meet them!