(Click on the BLUE print to go to Posts) Haven’t you always wished you could go back and ask people you’ve dated why they stopped seeing you? Have you sat by the phone, not literally b…
MY CONTRIBUTION…ALWAYS REMEMBER…
I was fortunate enough to know this lovely woman who was my teacher and a friend of my parents’ who was a Holocaust survivor. This is her story and memory…never forget:

“We Must Remember”
Halina Wind Preston
December 2, 1979
Freedom Plaza, Wilmington, Delaware
This afternoon, the survivor hears voices no one else can detect — voices that were silenced 35 years ago. The last time we heard them, they all echoed the same request: You who survive, be sure to tell the world.
Painfully vivid in my memory is the moment my family and I parted: I on my way into the unknown, under a new identity, disguised as a Christian; they, the last remaining Jews in town, awaiting their fate.
There was no goodbye, no hug or kiss. Only a sense of urgency, a sense of mission. It was impressed upon me that there was to be more to my survival than escaping death at a young age. Their last testament was: “Someone must make it in order to tell the world. You will have to tell the world.”
Some of us survived, and the fulfillment of that last request of our dear ones became a sacred duty. To have experienced the Nazi Holocaust and to remain silent would mean to be dead. Silence on the part of a survivor constitutes treason to those who would have screamed out, but were silenced.
In those days, we did not scream. If you look closely at photographs from the Holocaust, you’ll notice no one screaming. We hear their cries in our conscience. But at the time, we already had been conditioned not to show our emotions, not to react. Today, in freedom, we can and must cry out and protest the atrocities committed against our people. We must keep their memory alive. We must work to make this a world in which genocide can never happen again.
It is difficult to imagine a country where murder is not only legal, but mandatory. The Jews were Germany’s most loyal citizens. They loved their country and served it well.
But a new government passed new laws, and one of them was that Jews had no right to live. As other countries were overrun by the Nazis, their Jews too were murdered. And by the time the Allies liberated those territories, two out of every three Jews in Europe had been killed. Of Europe’s 8 1/2 million Jews, 2 1/2 million were left by 1945. Thirty-five thousand cities, towns and hamlets had been purged of Jews.
This, then, was the physical balance of the 12-year rule of Hitler’s super-race. And who could possibly attempt to estimate the spiritual and intellectual devastation it left in its wake?
The survivor of the Holocaust wanted to forewarn the world that what happened in Europe was an abomination, the likes of which the world had never seen before.
We knew it was a first, but would it also be the last? Only, we concluded, if it is internalized and eternalized with all its gory, chilling details, only if it is remembered as the absolute nadir of western civilization, only then can another Holocaust be prevented.
The survivor may have attempted at times to still the voices of his past, in order to accommodate the present and maybe even dream of a future. But this could only be possible if one were certain that someone else has accepted the responsibility of bearing witness to the Event, of spreading knowledge of the Holocaust, of perpetuating the memory of the victims.
In my nightmares, I’m often caught by the enemy. But I’m always aware that this is a second time. And I reproach myself for having been so naive or negligent as not to have learned from my first experience, not to have taken some precaution. How could I have been misled into another Holocaust? I certainly should have known better.
It is now 35 years later, and the survivor and in recent years historians, theologians and other scholars as well insist on perpetuating the memory of the Holocaust, because the world persists in its evil ways, as if the Holocaust never happened. If the world had learned the lessons of the Holocaust, if its conscience had been stirred by the ultimate atrocity, perhaps we could have prevented the Biafra, the Bangladesh, the Cambodia of subsequent years. The evils of our post-Holocaust world have been made possible because humanity’s senses have been numbed.
The survivor views events through the prism of the Holocaust. Justice and injustice, individual or collective, are weighed on the scale of mercy or evil experienced during that time.
So must the world view events in the context of the Holocaust, if it hopes to prevent another one. If we accept the premise that had Hitler won the war all of civilization would have crumbled, then it follows that everyone is a survivor. And it behooves all of us to view and review the Holocaust as the catalyst it must become toward a better and more humane world.
I can foresee a time when the history of the Holocaust, like the Bible, will be translated into every tongue, and taught and studied in every classroom in the world.
More than that, just as the Jewish Bible contains the birth and early history of the Jews, and just as the Christian Bible contains the birth and early history of the Christians, so will the Holocaust someday enter the canon as the turning point in the unfolding histories of the two religions. The enormity of the schism of which the Holocaust was the culmination demands no less.
We are here today to dedicate a monument. It is a deeply emotional moment for the survivor. The town squares of Nazi Europe served other purposes. Many of them were the central locations to round up the Jews for their final deportation. If I closed my eyes, I’d have no problem recalling the roundup in my own hometown.
But Wilmington is our new hometown. We have taken it to our hearts, as much as it has adopted us.
If we survivors could have visualized this moment, our suffering at that time would have been greatly eased. But all we felt then was our aloneness and our loneliness. I only regret that the experience of this dedication cannot be communicated to our martyrs. Or can it?
Perhaps their ashes would rest more peacefully in the knowledge that here in America, the land they had so trusted, in town after town a spot is being set aside to remember them and their martyrdom.
And what will be the function of this monument? Whatever we, and future generations, will make it to be.
Symbolically, it represents the torture and murder of a man, a woman and a child, two million times over.
But its broader function is to remind, to warn, to inspire. It stands here not only as a silent witness to a shameful and abhorrent past, but to alert new generations to be ever vigilant not to take the country’s freedoms for granted, because governments can be overthrown and constitutions rewritten.
We hope, moreover, that it will be the spot not only to reflect upon the past, but to draw inspiration, wisdom and strength to continue the battle for a moral and righteous world.
Even as we dedicate this monument, we rededicate ourselves to the pledge we made to our martyrs, the two words inscribed on the memorial on the site of the first Nazi concentration camp at Dachau: Never Again!
Never again must Jews or anyone else be made into raw material and play dough in the hands of the world’s political, racial and religious tyrants.
We are determined to work for a world in which there will be no more Holocausts, a world which will have no super-race and no inferior race, no true religion and no false religion — only one G-d and one humanity.
And as long as the voices of the martyrs beseech us to tell the world, we shall continue to erect Holocaust memorials of stone and iron, until we finish building the ultimate memorial: A just and peaceful world.
© 1979 Halina Wind Preston
4 WAYS WOMEN CAN HURT MEN
From an article in The Good Men Project:
#1 Complaining when he’s showing honest effort
As adults who gain wisdom with experience and age, we’re better at knowing what we don’t want. Some things are common knowledge, like checking in after a night out or remembering to buy a card and flowers for Valentine’s Day. Other things, men need the time to learn them. It’s unfair for a woman to assume a man “should just know” how to be in a relationship with her. If the man is trying to learn you, don’t be so quick to bite his head off if it takes him some time. If necessary, make it easier for him and give him a cheat code.
#2 Being afraid of initiating intimacy
Women have no qualms about openly lusting over guys like David Beckham, Idris Elba, and any other attractive celebrity. But why is it so difficult to outwardly compliment your man? Not those superficial “babe you look nice today” comments either. You know how it turns you on for your man to look at you and lick his lips like he’s ready to devour you? NEWS FLASH! We want and need to know that you find us sexy. It means something to have the woman you love desire you with the same intensity that you desire her.
#3 Not letting him express himself on his terms
In relationships, men usually try to avoid confrontation because we prefer peace and quiet. I know when I’m passionate about something though, I can go on for hours. Disagreements and arguments are a part of romantic relationships. I think that for some women, they spend so much of their time outside of the house being silenced and demeaned, that in the home, they can come across unnecessarily combative with their man. When things are calm, a man’s silence is read as being disengaged and apathetic. That’s not necessarily true. You can’t force meaningful conversation out of your man. But when he is ready to open up, make sure that you’ve created a comfortable space for him to do so freely.
#4 Not being present in the present moments
For as much as society says that we’re all attached to our phones, social media, and other distractions, women somehow sidestep that blame in relationships. In my previous relationship, my significant other had a different schedule than I. So I’d purposely make sure that I’d get enough work done and handle whatever I had on my to-do list to be available when she needed me. We tried our best to share that schedule. With more women working outside of the home and being the household’s sole breadwinner, their plates are overflowing. They’re wearing many hats and intimacy with their boyfriend or husband might be the area that falls to the wayside. Men can feel abandoned and neglected too. Although we’ll never beg for more time because it’s hard to see the woman we love killing herself to be all things at once. Chalk that up to ego or to a man being compassionate. Just know that your man needs you to make time for him where he isn’t sharing you with something else mentally or emotionally.
The male ego is fragile. That doesn’t infer it needs to be stroked constantly. Protecting a man’s heart the way he does yours begins with you understanding that beyond that facade, every man is capable of being hurt by a woman they truly love.
IT’S A WIN/WIN FOR YOU AT BON JOUR MATCHMAKING
Now in my 34th year practicing matchmaking I’ve developed a new plan that can make you your investment fee back if the situation fits.
After you become a client of this Denver matchmaking service, if you meet someone either in or outside the service and cultivate a long and hopefully permanent relationship I’m inviting you to either GIFT or SELL your place in Bon Jour. This also applies if you move out of state. If you SELL your place you cannot sell it for more than you paid, so you would have to ask me what you paid if you don’t remember. The prospective buyer MUST MEET ALL BON JOUR MATCHMAKING CRITERIA first or I will NOT honor the sale. There are NO REFUNDS from Bon Jour Matchmaking Service or Michele Fields. Whether you gift or sell your place in Bon Jour there will be a $700 transfer fee for the new client to cover my pre-consultation and interviewing costs.
The transfer fee of $700 is to initiate another 2-hour interviewing process and view confidential profiles and pictures with this new client who is taking your place.
Those conditions are:
- The person must live in Colorado and spend at least half their time in the Denver or surrounding cities;
- That person MUST be totally single (not separated) or in any type of serious relationship which includes living together;
- That person must be in the age range of 27-65;
- Buyer should be reasonably fit or they will not be very successful;
- Buyer must be well educated or equivalent business acumen;
- Buyer cannot be an alcoholic or drug user or seller;
- Buyer must be willing to pay a fee for their initial interview;
- Female buyers do best at size 10 or under and ages 27-60;
- Male buyers do best at 5’7″ or taller and ages 30-65;
- MUST HAVE A CLEAN BACKGROUND and preferably be a professional.
- NO sleeve or full body tattoos.
This person should be someone you would like to meet while you were in the service and fit for your own criteria. The sale would be totally between you and the buyer but you must run them by me before selling so as to make sure they fit in and this is the right service for them.
I try to make Bon Jour Matchmaking as winning a situation for everyone as I possibly can.
A SAYING WORTH REMEMBERING
The truth is, none of us are easy to date, deal with or please all the time. We have our vices, attitudes and ways of doing things that make us who we are. You won’t like everything about someone or agree with them about everything, that’s impossible.
This is life and it isn’t about finding the perfect person, it isn’t about living some fairy tale, it’s about finding something you’re willing to work for, with someone who is willing to work with you. It’s that simple and difficult.
Find someone who has a heart for you and never stop fighting for them and with them.
AS A SEASONED DENVER MATCHMAKER TRUST ME ABOUT THIS…
While practicing professional matchmaking since 1989 and seeing which clients marry and which do not, as I mentioned many times in this Blog, stop looking for perfection.
Whether you use the Internet dating sites, Meet Up, matchmakers or whatever if your standards are so high that either you can’t find people to fit them or the people who do fit them don’t want you…get real!
Over 600 singles have married through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service since 1989. Not the most beautiful, not the wealthiest, not the most famous…singles with realistic and sincere, in-depth criteria and expectations. Those are the people who get married. Even on the Internet I know of a few couples who married but they aren’t models or moguls, they found their most appropriate match. Not someone to impress their peers or someone who does everything they do.
Also I have friends and family who have married people they don’t have lots of activities in common with but what they do have are commons goals, values and morals. Activities can be cultivated. If you are so focused on a specific activity or two and demand they do those also you are going to miss out on people who might have been your best partner in life. There’s more to life than skiing, bicycling and hiking…stuff happens and you need to look for more than appearance and activities.
Look at the couples you know or even have just observed…they probably aren’t models or moguls or have every single thing in common. But they may still have outstanding relationships/marriages. I know several who have lasted 25 and 30+ years, including my own parents. They love each other and accept each other and appreciate their differences and respect those while cultivating commonalities through the life of their years together.
WHAT TYPES OF SINGLES ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WHEN WORKING WITH A DENVER MATCHMAKER?
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Since 1989 I’ve observed the type of people who have the most success working with me. Contrary to popular belief they are not the most beautiful or handsome, in fact they are usually average to a bit above average. They are not the richest men, they are realistic men and women. They pay attention to the feedback I give them and suggestions I make to improve their success. Bon Jour Matchmaking does not accept people who are married or separated. So below is a short list of the qualities that will make a single successful in the Denver matchmaking market:
1. Realistic – If you come in with the expectation that you can place your order and expect that person to either currently be on file waiting for you or that I can conjure them up you are not being realistic.
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WHY DOES BON JOUR TURN DOWN CLIENTS?
Our first interaction on the telephone or if you send me an email starts our journey to discover whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the right Denver matchmaker for you and you are the right client for the service…whether, as your very personal matchmaker, I feel I can reasonably meet your expectations or I fear you may be disappointed. It is most important to me that I have a reasonable expectation of achieving your goal.
Anyone who calls looking for a guarantee, shows major skepticism, puts all of the responsibility on my abilities as a matchmaker or shows a lack of understanding as to the structure of Bon Jour automatically throws up flags for me. Do the Internet dating sites give you a guarantee? Does the stock market give you a guarantee? For that matter does the person you marry give you a guarantee? Some things are done on faith and hope and realistic expectations. This is one of them.
After professionally matchmaking for 36 years my clientele is set. The criteria and preferences of my clients determine my future clientele. I go strictly according to those, not my own, which is as it should be. If you are outside of those than it is unlikely I will be able to match you successfully and will decline to work together.
If I sense you are very skeptical but willing to go forward anyway, I will suggest we don’t. That already puts up a barrier between us and does not let our relationship flow naturally nor the process flow naturally.
I have full confidence in my own ability as a professional Denver matchmaker after practicing this career for 36 years with a success rate of 70%. But is it really all about my abilities? If you are a very picky, inflexible client and no one seems to suit you so you decline everyone I show you or who selects to meet you, then you won’t meet anyone. If people decline to meet you I can exemplify your outstanding virtues and nudge them but no client is forced to meet another client. If I introduce you to a wonderful person and you ruin the potential relationship, I can advise and counsel but ultimately the success of your relationship is up to you and that person.
If I find you difficult in our phone consultation, inflexible, unrealistic, narrow and/or demanding it is likely I will fear that a relationship with you may be more trouble than it is worth. You may seem impossible to please in which case I will decline to work together.
So that’s the story…this is such a personal endeavor we have to have a good rapport, understand each other’s expectations and agree on my philosophy. That’s what makes a good and successful partnership.
I’M A DENVER MATCHMAKER WITH HEART AND EMPATHY
As I tell my clients, I do all that I can to stack the deck in your favor as a client. Meaning being selective of who I present to you based on both your preferences and background as well as theirs. Selecting photos that while they present you in your best light DO look like you unlike Internet dating sites. Suggest certain behaviors for early on in the relationship as it is so delicate sometimes the slightest slight may knock it off track. Correcting misconceptions and interpretations to give this budding match time and space to grow.
But I am a Matchmaker not a magician. I do all that I can to assist you but ultimately it is up to each individual as to their success. I make the environment the most positive and clear that I can. What is unwise on a client’s part is to have higher standards within a service than if you met someone outside of a service. I see it all the time. Your best chances of success are to be realistic, open-minded and patient. Those who have been have reached their goal within Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.
Having an open-ended contract is invaluable as I can never promise a new client that the “perfect” person is sitting here waiting for them….there are times they have been but I have no way of knowing that. We just do the best that we can together.
MICHELE THE MATCHMAKER ANSWERS THE QUESTION, “IS DATING REALLY A NUMBERS GAME?”
All one needs to do is watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette to see that dating is NOT a numbers game. In fact, if you are serious about finding love, dating is not a “game” at all. To “play” with dating is to lose in your ultimate goal and burn yourself out in the process!
Those TV shows always start with 25 singles for the Bachelor(ette) to choose from and they slowly eliminate who doesn’t fit. But although these shows have been televised for at least 10 seasons and there have been literally tons of both single men and single women to pick from, only about 4 of the couples have actually married and lasted. (Actually I’m not sure it’s even 4). So clearly it is NOT a numbers game. You can choose to play it that way and like the Bachelor(ette) you will lose, unless fate intervenes and you get lucky.
My philosophy…
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