THIS IS WHAT AN UNPROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER LOOKS LIKE…

UPDATE:  It is now 2022 and over these several years since this incident, several other “matchmakers” around the country have contacted me in a similar way.  They don’t know me, my service or my clients NOR DO THEY ASK ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF THOSE!  Yet they are more than willing to ask me to pimp out my clientele so they can fulfill THEIR contract!  THESE ARE NOT MATCHMAKERS!  Consumers need to start being more savvy instead of being ripped off constantly.  READ the contract in full before signing it!  With every new client, they have to read the contracts in front of me before I start the interview.  It’s been that way for 34 years!

I received this email. It is so unprofessional I can’t believe it. Does her “client” even know she’s doing this? She doesn’t say who she is, anything about the client other than she was married to a “successful” businessman and is farming out some man who “has a place in Aspen” in exchange.   She clearly did not read my website as I don’t just arbitrarily match someone without a full interview, etc. of my own.  My clients are paying for the ability to view a full 6 page profile and pictures.  As well as the knowledge that I have personally met and interviewed each and every client.

If you run across someone like this RUN THE OTHER WAY!  It turns out she’s a “matchmaker” from Tulsa, OK called Ambiance Matchmaking after I did some research.  Very unprofessional and unimpressive.  There is no explanation of who she is, her company, even her full name in this email.  On behalf of REAL Matchmakers and their trusting clients I’m offended!  But you can bet she wrote to every Matchmaker in Denver and someone will bite…

Hi Michele!

I have a client who has just moved to Denver from Tulsa. She is 47, adorable, fit and fun. Was married to a very successful businessman. Not sure how long she intends to remain in Colorado. Her love life will have a direct impact on that decision. If you could help with a match or two I’d be more than happy to make one of my male clients, 62, fit, handsome and charming (has place in Aspen) available to some of your women in their fifties. He is off-the-chart, I assure you. But down to earth as well. He divides his time between a ranch here in OKC, travel and Aspen.

Let me know what you think and I can their digital files sent over to you.

Thank you and many kind regards,

Leslie

Later I received the following from one of her clients:

Dr. D. says:
September 8, 2014 at 1:09 PM Edit

Hi, I was duped by Leslie Wardman. I went all the way from Little Rock, AR to Aspen, CO to meet someone whom Leslie and her staff factually misrepresented. The woman in Aspen was LOVELY but we both had been severely mislead about each other, and had we known each other’s situation, we would not have had a “date”. This woman is almost as upset about it as me! So, I’m out thousands of dollars for the trip, plus a non-refundable fee from Ambiance Matchmaking. Thank you for your blog.

I heard from the woman he is speaking of also and she is as upset as he is!  He was charged $4,000 and the Aspen woman was charged $6,000.

THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER IS MORE THE TORTOISE THAN THE HARE

As you read through this website you will realize that Bon Jour Matchmaking Service has the philosophy of the tortoise by having an open-ended contract giving every client enough time for their best match to come in.  Not setting clients up just to set them up by ignoring their specifications and does not sell packages of dates for a finite period of time.

You can be like the hare and play it as a numbers game running through people who may not be honest on the Internet dating sites, buying packages of dates for a finite period, bragging about how many people you have met.  But that approach just wears you out, in my opinion.  It also erodes your positive attitude when you meet person after person who does not fit for you or who has misrepresented themselves.

Over the 33 years of professional matchmaking in Denver my clients have had the most success by thoughtfully selecting in collaboration with me the most appealing, most compatible and similar goals that match up with theirs.  And, of course, the chemistry.  With over 600 singles who have found permanent love through Bon Jour Matchmaking it seems to be a proven theory…along with the proverb that stands the test of time.

LET ME HELP YOU CORRECT INEFFECTIVE DATING PATTERNS

I’ve received feedback about my Blog that people love my anecdotal stories as they help clarify my points.  So to illuminate this point…I have found with some of my clients that they have a regular routine of some kind that they don’t change when they come in here and meet potential mates.  Whether it be skiing every weekend in the winter, boating every weekend in the summer, going to their place in the mountains every weekend or whatever, once you have decided to work with a professional Matchmaker and meet good potential mates you HAVE to be flexible with your schedule.  You can do that routine when you are single, or even in a relationship but you HAVE to make the time to nurture a potential relationship and show flexibility.

I used to have a very attractive female client who owned several places in the mountains and two dogs.  On Thursday she would go to the mountains (with her dogs) until Sunday.  She would NEVER change her schedule to accommodate someone she was dating.  She took her dogs everywhere, including to our interview and her first meetings with matches.  I’m a real animal person and don’t like animals locked up in a car for two hours and I’m sure that made her dates feel uncomfortable.  But even more I received feedback from every guy she met that she wouldn’t fit time in her weekend schedule to get together.  So they moved on.

Someone who does that looks very selfish, very inflexible and doesn’t appear to have a desire to nurture a relationship.  All in all she appeared as a poor partner and I was never able to seal the deal for her.  I spoke with her about the feedback numerous times and she claimed she would change but never did…and BTW she’s still single, surprise.  I am no longer working with her as I cannot disappoint my male clients and waste their time when she won’t comply.

Recently I’ve had another beautiful female client join my service.  Despite many conversations with her during and after her interview, she has never told me that she goes to the mountains every weekend from Friday to Sunday.  I learned about this from feedback of her matches.  They asked her for another date and she is gone every weekend so they became frustrated and moved on.  The feedback from clients is invaluable.

I have not spoken with her about it yet as she is in the mountains and has no phone or internet service there…I am not only concerned about this pattern but that she hid it from me even though we’ve spoken so many times.  I suspect she thought if she told me I would not work with her because deep down she has to know that this may undermine any success.  But I always find out, if not directly from the client, then from feedback from their matches.  When I receive negative feedback from 2 people I address that with the person so they can correct that behavior.

If a client is using it to turn off the other person because they aren’t interested but don’t know how to tell them, BAD IDEA.  Just merely say how nice they are and attractive (if they are) but the chemistry just isn’t there.  No one can argue with that!  But don’t say things to turn them off as your rejection.  Man up and be honest, trust me, they appreciate that.

REMEMBERING RICK BARBER…MY BEST FRIEND…HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Ricky2

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING FRIEND

Missing you every day Ricky. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years! The world is not the same without you…

WHAT IS SPEED DATING?

It is a singles’ night with a bunch of unvetted singles looking for love by going to a bar and spending upwards of $60 to spend 5-7 minutes looking a person over. Hey, I remember doing that in my twenties and thirties for FREE with the additional privilege of spending more than 5-7 minutes.

Perhaps I could see the value if they vetted these singles, but it’s always an open-ended invite so any crazy person, felon or married person can show up, as long as they PAY.

Talk about superficial…it’s totally about looks so for women who aren’t gorgeous and men who are short and bald it is a challenge…hey, just like going to a bar for FREE.

What is it you are paying for? That would be the first question I would ask. What do the party throwers know about these people? It’s ridiculous and they have made a fortune (they meaning everyone trying to make a buck) throwing these and somehow convincing people it’s worth it. Are you THAT gullible?

THINK LONG TERM, BE REALISTIC and BE HUMAN WHEN DATING

I have recently been in contact with a guy I dated in my twenties.  He’s now in his sixties.  One of the things that got on my nerves when we dated was that he worked out obsessively every day, 7 days a week and anything else was put on the back burner.

Well, it turns out he looked healthy and great on the outside but lots was going on inside that he could not control or be aware of.  Something he specifically told me this morning was that he never thought he would date women over 50 because of his perception of them and because he felt that he had so much to offer.  He’s always been a handsome, wealthy and a very sweet guy!  Today he said he’d be lucky to have someone in their 50’s or 60’s consider him!  So of course you ask why?

A year ago he had a severe stroke which has disabled him in certain ways that he is fighting back and working through.  His perception of himself, women and the world has changed dramatically.  He has always been the handsome, sexy, virile man who didn’t look his age.  I haven’t seen him but his description of himself is quite different now.

Hey, “shit happens”…this is life.  He commented that he would date Chrisite Brinkley.  I said what if you did and SHE had the stroke, gained weight, looked different and needed help?  That could happen…would you still be there?  (I don’t remember his answer, don’t think he responded…)

Everyone who comes in here whether male or female seems to want their idea of “perfection”.  Perfection doesn’t last forever.  There are car accidents, strokes, ALS, ED, etc., etc.  People don’t remain the same through their whole lives.  The test is whether you or they will still be there when times aren’t “perfect” and they or YOU aren’t “perfect”. The person you SHOULD be searching for is one with compassion, loyalty, humanity and realism.

Of course there has to be an attraction in many areas, but that physical attraction becomes less and less important as you age because some of the most beautiful people do not age well, i.e., Jessica Lange, Brigitte Bardot, Mickey Rourke, Val Kilmer, Kathleen Turner, Kelly LeBrock, Keith Richards, Jack Nicholson, Brigette Neilsen, Steven Seagal, Janice Dickinson, Nick Nolte, etc.  Just because someone looks great NOW doesn’t mean they always will.  AND just because you look great on the outside doesn’t mean you are healthy on the inside, like my friend.

BrigetteBardo

On the other hand, there are people who were average looking when they were younger who look better with age, i.e., Diane Keaton, Katie Couric, Barbra Striesand, Julianne Moore, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Tom Hanks, etc.  The question isn’t are they good looking, the more important question at certain ages is how well are they aging.

KatieCouricYoungKatieCouricNow

So when choosing a partner look long term, be realistic and be human…and remember that “shit happens” even to YOU, so choose someone who will be there if and when it does!

THE BEST CHOICE…AN UNMARRIED DENVER MATCHMAKER

(Click on bright blue print to go to Posts)

Periodically people ask me if I’m not married how can I coach and match make others.  My response is…if I had been married for years how would I remember or even know the ups and downs, frustrations, disappointments or current choices for finding a mate?  I would have been in a cocoon outside of the challenges singles go through while dating and even looking for someone to date, especially in certain age ranges.  Getting to know this veteran matchmaker.

I’ve been there, I’ve dated in “bulk”, I’ve taken breaks from dating for years and tried again, I’ve had 8 marriage proposals that I declined except for three.  One short marriage, two engagements that I broke off.  I knew one thing, I didn’t want to have a string of divorces behind me.  So I learned after the first one that it’s best to break an engagement than suck it up and go through a bad marriage ending in divorce.

I’ve dated national celebrities, local news anchors, radio personalities, mechanics, millionaires, attorneys, Denver Broncos and the list goes on.  If I had not had all those experiences how could I possibly relate to my clients?  I’ve seen Bon Jour clients make mistakes that I made over the years so I have hind sight enabling me to point them in the right direction.

I.e., a couple who just met yesterday (4/6/14) who really hit it off told me interesting feedback.  She said he cannot get together on a weekend until two weeks from now due to plans.  I said, why can’t you get together during the week?  Did he ask if you are available during the week?  She said no.  We both agreed that because it took them 2 weeks to have their first meeting due to a death in her family that another two weeks would be like throwing cold water on things.

It is important to keep the momentum going.  I really think there are loads of potential relationships that fall by the wayside because of a break in the momentum.  So I spoke with him and he said that he gathered from their conversations that she was not available on week nights.  He never asked her, he just assumed from things she said.  My advice to him was to work on his communication skills.  Not to assume but if that’s the impression, to ask.  She was definitely open to getting together on a week night.  He’s a great client and takes my advice and direction well and agreed.

Having a professional matchmaker in the middle can stop a potential relationship from falling through the cracks as in the example above and others on this Blog.  I know from my own experience that when you are excited about meeting someone and they put you off for two weeks the intensity and excitement can wane or completely disappear thus severing the connection.  How would I know that if I had been married for years?

So to any naysayers out there who question how an unmarried matchmaker can do this career…use your common sense and think through your question and you’ll get it.

IT’S NOT ABOUT MONEY FOR THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER EVEN WITH CELEBRITIES

In many of the posts both on my Blog and Pages I’ve reiterated that I decline more prospects than I accept as I need to protect my clients and that person needs to fit in with the service.

This week a well known and controversial Denver personality contacted me to become a client of Bon Jour Matchmaking.  First the good stuff…he’s in great shape, attractive, intelligent, articulate, well read, financially well off and recently infamous…

In some other posts I referred to the fact that even though I’ve been practicing Denver matchmaking for 25 years, on this 25th anniversary situations are coming up that have NEVER come up before…

I was surprised to hear from this particular person as our paths have crossed in the past and according to him, he didn’t see any value in this type of service at that time.  So first of all he wanted to play “Let’s Make a Deal” where he offers me his service for free, pays me nothing upfront and if I don’t get enough business from it he’ll make up the difference (at least that’s what I think he said).  In my experience, which is very consistent over 25 years, the people with the most money ALWAYS want to play this game.  FYI, I don’t play that game regardless of who the person is.  I have worked and continue to work with very high profile celebrities/personalities (nationally) and they receive the exact same fee and service everyone receives.

So this guy is legally separated and they are holding off on divorce for some “complicated reasons”.  He’s been in the Denver media a lot in the past few years (and not in a good way).  I could hear the desperation in his voice as he was trying to convince me that what I’ve heard and read was untrue and he is having trouble meeting people due to his infamy of late and felt that having an advocate/middleman would assist him in his romantic endeavors.  All of my female clients have emphatically stated they will not meet men who are separated so before even considering him I had to contact the women in the age range he specified to see if they would consider someone in his position.  I did not tell them who he is.  All of them said yes, of course depending on other factors.

Well, the other factors are not good AND as I’ve stated in another post, I start evaluating a potential client from the very first phone call.  He was suppose to call me back after a meeting to schedule an appointment (which BTW he wanted the next day which I couldn’t do) and didn’t call.  I also sent him an email asking more information about his part of the fee and he never answered.  I spent the better part of a day both listening to his rationalizations of the situation as well as contacting clients back and forth.  Clients must “walk the talk” and be responsive and clearly, along with his other mess he isn’t.  I was extremely professional and spent 2 hours listening to his explanations, etc.   He never thanked me or responded to my last email letting him know that I was declining him as a client for a variety of reasons.

So, even though his fee was on the high-end based on his age and the abundance of potential matches I decided to decline.  IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service!  It’s about having desirable, upstanding, stable Denver singles who are looking for some type of permanent romantic relationship at some point.

 

 

 

I RECEIVED THIS FROM MY CLIENT ABOUT A NEW GIMMICK WITH eHarmony.com

All information about Denver matchmaking services has come directly from either printed reviews and material already online and/or from callers or clients.  This is not my personal review.

4/13/14  Check this out from LinkedIn:

Tara Steele

Sr. Marketing Manager at eHarmony.com Top Contributor

Hi Everyone! I just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Tara Steele and I’m overseeing marketing for eHarmony’s new premium matchmaking service, eH+.

I’m new to the Matchmaking Industry so I’m very excited to be a part of this great group. I’m excited to meet some of you at the Matchmaking Institute Conference at the end of the month.Sr. Marketing Manager at eHarmony.com Top Contributor

So the person running this whole new division is new to matchmaking!  She said it herself on LinkedIn!

Wow, eHarmony is really getting a lot of negative reviews.  So much so that they’ve come up with a new gimmick according to one of my clients who keeps me up on this stuff.  See his email below with their pitch and his opinion:  In checking this out, the $5,000 is ONLY for 12 months!

Instead of the computer matching you, for $5K they’ll have a matchmaker match you with people from their database:

You’ve heard of matchmakers who charge $10,000, $20,000, $50,000 or more to introduce their clients to a very small pool of matches.  Note:  At least you meet them in person…not so with this deal.

We’ve found a better way– eH+. With eH+ you’ll be working one-on-one with a professional matchmaker who talks with you, coaches you, and hand-selects your matches.

Instead of choosing from only a few dozen potential matches, we’ll be looking at a pool of millions of people. For a price that’s a fraction of the high-end matchmakers – $5,000.

How is this different from eHarmony?

Whatever your experience has been with eHarmony it’s important to understand that eH+ works in a very different way. It isn’t a computer dating site. It’s an offline service that puts you in the hands of a relationship professional. You talk to your eH+ Matchmaker via phone, Skype, text or email and we do all the work for you.

We do choose your matches from eHarmony’s extensive pool of people, but the process of selecting which matches we present to you is very different, and based on information about you that isn’t considered with an eHarmony match.

Typically, you’re likely to get some matches that would never have been given to you on eHarmony.com as well as some matches that you did receive but that you never had the chance to meet or seriously consider.

Or basically you’re paying someone to use eHarmony FOR you – the matchmaker knows nothing more about the people they’re matching you with than what’s already in THEIR profile. So as the client, you don’t have to write a profile and bother with sending introductory emails but instead the matchmaker sets you up with the person with the ten year-old profile picture. 🙂

The only difference is they have access to the full database and pick for you bypassing their computer match algorithm; with eHarmony you only get to interact with the people their computer selects for you, not the membership as a whole and it’s national not local.

The key is, your matchmaker only has access to THEIR profile; they know nothing more about them than you would if you were matched by their computer.  They don’t meet you face-to-face so where’s the personalized part?

Yeah, that’s worth $5K… (my eyes hurt from how hard they’re rolled at that thought.)

Take Care,
Bill

DENVER DATING COACHES

This Post is just my opinion of any type of “dating coaches”, especially individuals who come from a totally different field and decide to go into the dating service, matchmaking service, dating coaching arena.  And Denver is crawling with them!  Of course my opinion may hold more water than most since I’ve been a professional Denver Matchmaker for 28 years…

Just seems like a gimmick to me.  Even a “coach” who is trained as a psychologist has nothing to do with dating and matchmaking.  Generally clients who hire them as a psychologist are not talking about their dating challenges, they are talking more about their background, upbringing, personality disorders, marriage issues, etc.  None of that has anything to do with coaching dating or matchmaking.  I sense that these “coaches” are playing on the vulnerability of the clients they are counseling about other issues.  I.e., there is a blog called My Dating Prescription written by a woman whose psychologist told her to go out and date 100 men.  She’s half way through that “prescription” and is burned out and disappointed.  She lives in Washington state but called me to represent her she’s so frustrated!  Of course I only work with people either living in Colorado or who spend a significant amount of time here, specifically Denver’s Front Range.

I’ve heard that they start out being hired as a “dating coach” but then move into matchmaking.  I’ve been told by men, in particular, that they went through this with a couple of these “coaches” who set them up with women who they barely knew, were not interested in a relationship and were baffled at why they were being set up with these men.

A genuine professional Matchmaker should be coaching you at the same time they are matching you.  It should be a package deal, at least it is in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.  It always has been and always will be.  That’s part of the definition of a matchmaker isn’t it?  So if you want a dating coach and to be matched then hire a professional Matchmaker who has been practicing her craft for twenty years or more…