HOW TO BE A REALISTIC MATCHMAKING CLIENT

When hiring a Matchmaker you share the responsibility with the Matchmaker to work together, put your best foot forward, have an amicable relationship with that Matchmaker and be realistic in your expectations.

If you join a matchmaking service it is their responsibility to show your profile to the most appropriate candidates. Not to waste your time setting you up with prospects that do not fit your preferences. It is your responsibility to be realistic with your criteria and realize that whenever you are shown a profile you have the right to turn it down. Conversely when your profile is shown to a prospect they have every right to turn you down.  Remember that although new clients come in every week they may not fit your preferences, be the opposite sex or select to meet you.  So the key is patience…sometimes there is a match right away and sometimes it can take time until the right person enters the service.  Try not to get discouraged if it takes time as it is better to be set up with a few great matches than tons of people who don’t fit your preferences!

The job of the Matchmaker is to go over profiles with each client and be sure there are no misunderstandings in the information set forth, also that neither party overly analyzes this information or reads into it. Using a Matchmaker will help you answer questions you’ve never even thought of.  A Matchmaker will help you focus in on what’s important, even if it may seem superficial.

Additionally coaching is an important component of matchmaking.  Many good potential relationships get derailed during the first month or two due to lack of communication as well as miscommunication.  I am there to convey and correct these issues as well as if there is something you are doing consistently to sabotage relationships I will point that out to you so that you may address the issue.  The last two marriages in Bon Jour would never have happened had I not gotten in the middle in the first couple of months and straightened out a lack of communication in both instances!

As THE Matchmaker at Bon Jour Matchmaking Service in Denver I offer the most reasonable investment to new clients in the Front Range.  You are a client until you find your match with no additional fees than the one-time investment fee and per introduction fee of $35.  That’s it, call to discuss your personal situation with me at 303-756-8106 so that I may quote you your personal investment fee.

Plenty of Fish Casts a Net with Plenty of Catfish

lml01's avatarTales from the Dark Side

You’ve head of online dating and maybe you indulge in it yourself from time to time. I’ve done the same. I’ve met some very nice people dr philalthough certainly not The One. Very seldom do I see that happening around me although a colleague seems to have met her man that way. She however, paid for her match. Free dating sites sound somewhat riskier to me. Anyone who is unwilling to put out a few bills, answer an extensive online profile. and submit several personal photos probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship. If you aren’t looking for love (in all the wrong places?) then maybe free sites such as POF may be a reasonable starting point to meet friends or go out on casual dates.

Paid sites, such as Match.comseem to have a better success rate for men and women but that doesn’t mean there aren’t catfish and trolls

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Remembering the Beloved Comic Genius of Our Generation Robin Williams

When Robin Williams reached Heaven this morning even God gave him a standing ovation.  There really was only one like him.  They say that about many people but in his case he was the definition of unique.  We’ll never see another Robin Williams in our lifetime.  We won’t forget what a superb actor he was…he just did it all with ease.

I can’t help but think of the enormous loss this is to the many people he touched who he worked with over so many years and on so many projects.  The other celebrities who grew up with him.  And, of course, his family and friends who must be in the depths of sadness.

His humor, talent and compassion helped so many people escape from the stress of their lives but sadly no one was able to help him with his own challenges. I’m sure everyone second guesses themselves as to whether they missed the signs and could have helped.

To reach the point of considering suicide happens to many humans.  To arrive at the point of doing it is something most people can’t comprehend.  It takes a special kind of pain, sadness and not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  To only see darkness in your future.  It’s hard to comprehend how a person, like so many other celebrities who’ve passed prematurely (accidentally or not), could give up with so much universal love for them, families, incredible talent.  But suicide is a dark place that reaches beyond all of that.  All of that disappears in the presence of that kind of pain.

The thought of never seeing a new interview with Mr. Williams, a new movie, a new comedy act is overwhelmingly sad.  The world is in mourning for so many people at this point in time, yet this person, this zany, comical, brilliant light on our earth that has gone out is felt by everyone.  We all hope he will find the peace he so needed where he is now…and lucky them to have Robin Williams to make the other side laugh.  I hope he can feel all this love now…

8/14/14  Now we know and maybe understand, but that doesn’t fill the void or ease the pain.  Robin Williams will be missed until we see him again…

What AFFECTS Your INVESTMENT in BON JOUR MATCHMAKING

CALL ME…This is NOT a “sales” call, merely an exchange of information.

Your one-time investment in this open-ended contract is evaluated based on the following.  The investment fee is a range and is reached by the information supplied below.  Be sure to disclose any of this information that applies to you as it MAY LOWER your investment fee during your FREE phone consultation.  Do not wait until you are in the middle of your interview to share this as it will not change at that time:

  • The location where you live;
  • Your age: Women 30-58  Men 30-65;
  • The age range you wish to meet;
  • How many times you’ve been married;
  • Whether you’ve ever been married;
  • For men…your height (5’7″+);
  • For women…your size (Size 10 or under);
  • Tattoos (do not accept people with body or sleeve tattoos);
  • How many pets you have;
  • The specific criteria you set forth;
  • Whether you are a smoker;
  • Whether you have a disability or challenge of some kind;
  • Whether you wish to have children;
  • Whether you will date someone who has children;
  • Whether you have children and how many children you have.

Most of this information is disclosed during your FREE telephone consultation at which time you will receive a quote for your personal investment fee.

CLIENTS WHO WITHHOLD INFORMATION ARE DROPPED FROM BON JOUR MATCHMAKING

This year I have had two women under forty withhold the most important information a client can give me…what’s that?  One told me that she had a baby when the baby was 5 months old during a call I happened to make to her.  So she went 9 months and then 5 months and who knows how much longer she would have gone without disclosing this while I was presenting her profile to possible matches.  I write regular mass emails to my clients and remind them to update me with any new information.  She never did so.

Today, after receiving a number of emails from another female client under forty over the past month, I received a new narrative she wrote for her profile and a couple of updated photos.  I looked at the photos first and she was holding a newborn baby.  I assumed it was a friend’s or relative’s as her status was that she had no children.  In all these emails I’ve received from her she never mentioned any updates, so I was confused…

While I’m reading the narrative, she states that she adopted a baby.  Not when, no age, never let me know prior that she was thinking about doing this or had started the process, again while I was presenting her profile to potential matches.

This is not like oh I got another dog or cat or I got my hair cut…this is pertinent information that was not shared until they felt like it.  Regardless of the fact that during this time I was misrepresenting them for lack of this information.  Both clients have been dropped.

If you are a single female under forty and you are considering using Bon Jour, please think good and hard about whether you will share all pertinent information.

HERE’S HELP WITH YOUR DATING MISTAKES…

Haven’t you always wished you could go back and ask people you’ve dated why they stopped seeing you?  Have you sat by the phone, not literally but mentally, waiting for a call that never came?  Haven’t you ever gone on a first date and had a great time, great chemistry and lots of interest and felt that the other person did also but you never heard back from them?

Along with all of the other services and perks you receive as a client of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, as your hands-on Denver Matchmaker I will share with you feedback from your matches.  Not only things that may have turned them off or on, but also whether they are interested enough to call you back…so no more waiting for a phone call that will never come!  You may have dating patterns that are sabotaging potential great relationships but how will you ever find that out?  You WILL find that out as my client for I want you to be successful as much as you do.

In observing dating over the 34 years since Bon Jour Matchmaking was created, the most critical part in the success or failure of a match is right after that first meeting.  Often one or the other person is left hanging and not knowing what’s going on.  One person is so interested they are sure the other is…but they aren’t.  One or the other person ASSUMES certain things from the conversation without asking for clarification and that may end further interaction.  That’s exactly when I swoop in to clarify misconceptions, give you valuable observations of behavior that did not work in your favor and let you know how the other person feels.

Read through some of the CLIENTS’ TESTIMONIALS AND REVIEWS to see what kind of experience clients have had in Bon Jour, then read some of the posts on POSTS TO READ BEFORE JOINING ANY DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE.  Do you think I may be of assistance to you?

THIS IS THE REASON FOR AN OPEN-ENDED CONTRACT WITH A DENVER MATCHMAKER

A gentleman joined Bon Jour Matchmaking a year ago in August.  He selectively met a couple of women who appealed to him.  Then for several months he met a woman he dated for a while.  A few months ago a new woman joined Bon Jour who also met a couple of men.  Much of her time has been spent going back and forth out-of-town taking care of her mother in between those matches.

Upon her return about a month ago I matched these two clients and wallah, they are a great match with both seeing long-term potential!  If either had been on a limited contract they probably would not have met.  This scenario has happened countless times through the years with clients of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service all due to the open-ended contract!  They are now engaged as of 2015!  They’ve been married since 2015!

Timing has so much to do with meeting the right person.  That often does not happen within the confines of a limited contract, thus every client of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service has an open-ended contract!  Because of the 34 year (since 1989) track record in Denver matchmaking, as Denver’s oldest full-time professional matchmaker my years of experience are what drive how this service was and is structured.  This service was not copied from other companies, on the contrary, it was structured the exact opposite of other Denver matchmaking services.

ARE DENVER MATCHMAKERS DOING THEIR JOB?

I guess the answer depends on your definition of a “Matchmaker”.  It also depends on your agenda when using Denver matchmaking services.  According to World English Dictionary it’s a limited definition (in my opinion)…
World English Dictionary
matchmaker 1 (ˈmætʃˌmeɪkə)
— n
1. a person who brings together suitable partners for marriage

It seems currently in Denver you have two viable options to go about selecting a “matchmaker” to assist you in finding a mate.  There are the packages that have become extremely popular with franchise and local matchmaking services because it takes all of the work out of it for them.  You sign a contract for a specific period of time (for thousands of dollars) for a specific number of “dates”. You receive very, very limited information about the person, no photos or profile per se and you rely entirely on either someone who has met you once or possibly someone else in that service who has never met you or your match.  But you are guaranteed to meet “people”.  Feedback is that the criteria you set forth initially is almost always disregarded just so they can meet the contract with that specific number of matches.  But if you want a guarantee to meet “people”, for enough money you will.

If you are buying a package of dates…that’s a dating service NOT a matchmaking service.

Your other option is to work one-on-one with a professional matchmaker who gets to know you over time, has interviewed every potential match and knows them personally, sticks to your criteria and preferences, shares a 6 page profile with 6 current photos, shares her experiences and knowledge of both you and your match and you have an open-ended contract.  You can meet as many people as you feel are good matches with tons of information on them.  You are a client until you meet your goal.  If you are overly particular and turn down every profile and every person who selects you, then you may not meet very many people…BUT THAT’S UP TO YOU.  The goal with a professional matchmaker is to be specific enough so that you only meet the best fit and hopefully that happens with just a few matches.  The goal is not to wear you out with a bunch of the wrong people like Internet Dating Sites or packages discussed above, but to be judicious in who you  meet.  Also the fee should not be excessive because this is not New York or L.A.

Those are your two choices practically speaking.  It is up to each individual which definition of a “matchmaker” fits for them.

Denver Franchise Matchmaking Service Just Doesn’t Want to Work for Their Clients

Upon the first phone call from my newest client, during the course of discussing which other matchmaking services she has used, she shared the following information (I’m not going to tell you which service because if you call them you will recognize them immediately):

First they quoted six dates in six months for $3500.  When she asked about the interviewing process they told her they interview her over the phone, set her up a couple of times and then meet with her.  Can you believe that?  Now they don’t even want to interview you BEFORE setting you up or charging you this huge amount of money for 6 “dates”.

What I have to say about that is any single consumer who decides to join a “dating” service who operates in this way deserves what they get.  Back to you have to be a good consumer!  Services like these do not lie to you when they quote their fees and tell you how they do business.  So if knowing that information you decide to join you cannot blame anyone but yourself.

But why not be a better consumer since you are trying to find the best way to meet a mate/companion?  Services who charge outrageous fees in Denver, interview you in public forums, do not show you profiles WITH pictures of potential matches, even if you are buying a “package of dates for a limited period of time”, are not real matchmakers looking to serve you.

However, because these other local services are charging such high fees, people sometimes wonder why my fees are so much lower and perhaps decide that Bon Jour Matchmaking in its 25th year of matchmaking may not be of value.  Rather than evaluating services’ value by their fees, they should be measuring what the service provides  for them.  Read What Am I Paying For at Bon Jour Matchmaking Service? and Posts To Read Before Joining Any Denver Matchmaking Service.

To judge a service’s quality and value to you as a client by the fact they are charging exceedingly high fees is without merit.  You must judge a “matchmaking” service by what it does for you.  How in-depth their interviews are, the amount of information they share with you about potential matches, how long they’ve been in business and a variety of other factors.

 

TIPS FOR SELECTING A GOOD MATCHMAKER

The Good Matchmaker

We tend to measure a successful matchmaker by the number of marriages that result. However, there are many matchmakers who are held in high esteem by their clients, even though their marriage ratio isn’t that high. They’re the matchmakers who really listen to their clients, make suggestions that are close to what their clients are looking for, give their clients encouragement and guidance, and make them feel good about themselves and their dating situation.

Why Matchmaking Clients Need Mentoring

It can take time for a matchmaker to put one match together (thus the open-ended contract in Bon Jour Matchmaking). One might wonder why she should also spend time mentoring her clients. The answer is that getting two people to go out on a date is only the first step in the courtship process.  Bon Jour has had hundreds of marriages, many because I corrected miscommunications between clients or lack of communication.

People don’t always meet for the first time and “know” they are meant for each other. Many people struggle through the relationship building process, such as what they should expect to happen at each stage of dating, when they should open up about different subjects, how to pace their dating, what are healthy emotions during dating, what they should learn about each other, whether it’s right to end their interaction (i.e., I just had a couple who went out on about 8 dates and both were wondering whether they should continue since neither was feeling any chemistry.  They kept seeing each other due to mutual appreciation for each other’s qualities hoping it would develop, but it hadn’t.  I did feel that they would have known whether they had chemistry by this point and suggested, with their agreement, that they move on) and how and when they can tell that someone is right for them. Their matchmaker has good insight and is willing to take the time to be helpful knowing both sides of the story.

A matchmaker can use mentoring skills even if a client doesn’t approach them for advice. She can help set the tone for a successful first meeting and encourage someone who is ambivalent to agree to meeting a potential match. She can tactfully recommend that a client address issues that may interfere with successful dating, such as unrealistic expectations, less-than-optimal social skills or dating skills, not knowing how to maximize their appearance, or an emotional issue from their past that may be blocking them from moving forward.

All in all, matchmakers who mentor their clients as the need arises can make the difference between a match that doesn’t progress well and one that leads to a happy, enduring relationship.