DENVER MATCHMAKER MICHELE DOES HER HOMEWORK

AS A DENVER MATCHMAKER, RELATIONSHIP COACH, IMAGE CONSULTANT AND DATING GURU MICHELE FIELDS STUDYS LIKE A GRAD STUDENT

Turn on the TV nowadays and you can see no less than six shows devoted to dating.  Although Michele has been a matchmaker for 25 years there is still much to learn about how singles think and choose each other.  So Michele makes it her business to watch any and all of these shows to see how both men and women zero in on who they select.

It is also important to study what behavior turns both sexes off and how, many times, they miss the best choice and select people who are doing unkind and nasty things behind the scenes.  Some singles want to be told about a contestant acting up and appreciate the honesty of the contestant who confides this.  Others turn on the messenger.  Have you heard the phrase, “Don’t shoot the messenger!”?

An example of taste is on “The Choice” last night the “Situation” was one of the male contestants.  Out of the four male contestants the other three have actually accomplished alot in their lives.  The “Situation” is on Jersey Shore…so not so much.  Yet three women chose him and he was the first of the four to fill has “plate” or whatever it is.  Really????  That’s their first choice over men who consisted of a celebrity chef, a pro bowl football player and a singer, really????  It’s not like he’s drop dead gorgeous so they overlooked his lack of accomplishments.  But live and learn.  Many women make mistakes like that and live to regret them.

So Michele goes on watching and learning as well as being confounded by choices like the example above so that she can more understand the choices her own clients make and in her way guide them in a more suitable direction.

MICHELE THE MATCHMAKER ANSWERS THE QUESTION, “IS DATING REALLY A NUMBERS GAME?”

All one needs to do is watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette to see that dating is NOT a numbers game.  In fact, if you are serious about finding love, dating is not a “game” at all.  To “play” with dating is to lose in your ultimate goal and burn yourself out in the process!

Those TV shows always start with 25 singles for the Bachelor(ette) to choose from and they slowly eliminate who doesn’t fit.  But although these shows have been televised for at least 10 seasons and there have been literally tons of both single men and single women to pick from, only about 4 of the couples have actually married and lasted.  (Actually I’m not sure it’s even 4).  So clearly it is NOT a numbers game.  You can choose to play it that way and like the Bachelor(ette) you will lose, unless fate intervenes and you get lucky.

My philosophy is when you join Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, to take your time and find the few people who really fit for you on both sides of the match.  That is why I select the files (with pictures and a questionnaire) that you view because I know all of the clients,  but YOU decide who resonates with you by viewing their photos and reading the extensive profiles.  I purposely charge a fee per introduction so that if each person is willing to pay that fee on both sides of the match, they are quite sure this is a good fit.

As I’ve said many times on this site, all of the 300+ couples who have married through my service married either the FIRST or SECOND person they met in Bon Jour.  As far as I know they are all still married!  Over a period of 35 years that is no accident.  So, if you are REALLY serious about finding love that lasts consider contacting me at 303-756-8106 to discuss your personal situation.

DENVER SUMMER LOVE BLOOMS WITH MICHELE THE MATCHMAKER

DENVER SUMMER LOVE BLOOMS
WITH MICHELE THE MATCHMAKER.

DENVER’S BON JOUR MATCHMAKING CLIENTELE IS VERY SPECIFIC

Because Bon Jour Matchmaking Service has flourished since 1989 the clientele is set.  I cannot deviate from the makeup of the current clients as they have joined with certain expectations and credentials.  I don’t accept people who I know beforehand will not be successful with this particular clientele.

Over the years the clientele has consistently been comprised of educated, financially stable, emotionally stable, healthy and active singles from the Front Range.  My current clientele primarily sets the criteria for new clients…not me.

Rather than take advantage of people who really do not have the above attributes and accept them in the service, I suggest other options to them that may be a better fit.  Some of the criteria I base my selection of clients on are: must be totally single,  location, age, education, age range they wish to date and how realistic they are.  How quickly they respond to my emails and phone calls even before joining the service.  How they follow instructions with the material I need before their appointments.   They also have to be mentally and emotionally stable.  After all, you can meet crazies on the Internet dating sites.

Another aspect that is a consideration is whether they are interested in dating in bulk  i.e., they consider this a numbers game.  *You can approach finding a mate as a numbers game but I am clear about my structure and my reasons for it.  With all 313 marriages every client married either the first or second person they met in the service.  So clearly it does not have to be a numbers game and works best when it is not.  Play the numbers and you come off with a tone of desperation.  It only takes one…the right one.

Because everyone in Bon Jour has an open-ended contract and there is no way to guarantee that your perfect match is here waiting for you right when you join, Bon Jour Matchmaking gives you the gift of time.  So that when the right match comes in, if they aren’t here already, you are on file and available.  Fate plays a significant role with love.  Services that have specific endings to their contracts deny you from meeting the right person if they join after your contract has expired.  What a bummer!

Many local Matchmaking services tend to try to sell you a certain number of dates in a package.  That is the worst thing you can do.  Several do not show you profiles or pictures, rather they select people for you and read you a few facts over the phone.  That way they can knock off your list of dates and try to re-sign you for more.  They often do not adhere to the preferences you’ve set for your matches.  It is not a good way to go.  This is feedback directly from my clients as well as singles just calling about the service who share their experiences with that approach.

*Consider the TV shows The Bachelor and The Bachelorette…They start with 25 people and eventually get down to one.  On the Internet you are doing that individually which is extremely time consuming and frustrating.  Out of 10 years or so on the air, only 3, maybe 4 couples have married and stayed married from those two shows.  So that should clarify to you it is not a numbers game…unless you choose to play it that way.

DENVER SINGLES KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE SAYS THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER

Denver Singles Have Specific Preferences Based on their Sex

In the 33+ years that I have been matchmaking in Denver, there are certain criteria which both sexes consistently prefer.  It’s simple:

99% of the women prefer men with hair, who are tall (at least 5’8″ plus) and clean-shaven.  Women do not care for facial hair and especially dislike mustaches.

98.5% of the men prefer slim, toned, fit or slender women and specific to Colorado (which is no surprise) athletic/outdoorsy builds.

Both sexes in Colorado focus much of their preferences and attention on how athletic and/or outdoorsy a possible mate should be.  With both men and women, through my own life experience and watching the most successful Bon Jour couples, the ones who succeed and are in it for the long-haul focus more on morals and values.  They know that interests can be cultivated.

Things that tend not to matter to either sex generally speaking are…religion, hair and eye color, work hours, prenuptial agreements, type of upbringing, implants, plastic surgery, style of dress and a few others.  Those are all negotiable.

Some things that are either less appealing or not negotiable are:

Women:  education, pets, sometimes political persuasion, multiple divorces, never married raises red flags, how many children, the abortion issue, capital punishment and adoption, smoking is not negotiable, heavy or frequent drinkers, bald (most of the time), under 5’9″ most of the time, toupees turn 100% of women off, pot smokers.  My women will not consider men with sleeve or full body tattoos.

Men:  most men dislike red hair (a few, however, love it), too many pets, women who are ultra-busy where it appears there is no time to cultivate a relationship, overweight or out of shape, women who appear older than their age because of gray hair, weight, their style of dress, insecure, clingy, bossy and 100% of men dislike women who are judgmental.  Many men have not selected women who use pot regularly.

Qualities that both sexes agree upon are:  children are fine depending on the age of the client and their children, pets are fine depending on how many and whether the client is allergic to them, prenup agreements, almost all clients are for capital punishment, most clients feel moderate drinking is fine, clients are negotiable about how religious a person is, no clients will date a smoker, some clients will interracial date, some clients will date someone who is disabled (depending on the disability).

Generally speaking:  men don’t care that much about a woman’s educational level and women don’t put much emphasis on men’s income…contrary to popular belief.

So, there it is in a nutshell.  Being a Denver Matchmaker since 1989, interviewing hundreds of Denver singles between the ages of 25 and 70 through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service, preferences have not changed.  Specific to Colorado are singles who are focused on level of activity and athleticism.  I’ve seen that focus get in the way of finding a mate who would be perfect for them if their criteria were broader and more flexible.

AN OLD-FASHIONED MATCHMAKER WITH A REASONABLE FEE!

UPDATE 8/23/25:  I AM CURRENTLY CHARGING A FLAT FEE FOR ALL CLIENTS

This is a one-time investment that is good for as long as you are in the service on your open-ended contract.

When singles contact me, it is important to know their age, the age range they wish to date, their desire to have children, their location and other factors all together which inform me of whether Bon Jour is a good match for them.  

* All clients pay a $35 per introduction fee for each new match.

LOVE IS LIKE A FEATHER FLOATING ON THE BREEZE

Love floats like a feather with ups

 and downs…

Just as a feather glides on the currents sometimes the wind takes it up and it sails along effortlessly.  Other times the current dips and it putters along near the ground.  But you can always be sure it will rise again and find it’s way.

Michele the Matchmaker

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service

303-756-8106

LET’S GET REAL!

It’s Time to Get Real When Using  Dating/Matchmaking Venues

Regardless of whether you choose the Internet dating services, local activity groups, dinner groups or matchmakers as a client you need to get real!  If you expect to meet the perfect person right out of the gate you need to think again.   No service can guarantee when you call them initially or when you join that “the” perfect person is there waiting for you.   Having unrealistic expectations will only frustrate and disappoint you.  Timing and fate play a huge role in this process and that may have already been decided for a year after you join.  It is important to join a service that has an open-ended contract so when that “perfect match” presents themselves you are in the service!

The most appropriate questions to ask when contacting local services are:  How long have you been in business?  (Then check that out on the BBB website); I am ____ age and want to date people within _____ age range, do you have any clients in that range?  How long is the contract?  What is your fee?  Is there ONE matchmaker who knows ALL of your clients?  You’d be surprised how important THAT is!  They should be able to answer those over the phone.

To ask how many people you will meet leaves a reputable service without an honest answer.  There really is no way to know from a short phone call how many people you will meet (unless you buy a certain number of dates, which I’ve advised against over and over).  There are so many factors to consider to answer that question such as age range, location, children, education, politics, interests, allergies, appearance, personality, etc., to give an HONEST answer by phone without the information is just not possible.  You could be shown 50 files and turn them all down or you could be shown 3 and those 3 could be great matches!  Remember, you are only going to marry ONE person!

Yes, sometimes fate takes over and you get lucky.  The first person you meet is the right one for you.  I have had many clients who have had that experience.  But it didn’t always happen on both sides.  Often the person they marry may have been in the service for some period of time before their perfect match appeared.  The key is PATIENCE.  Do you want to waste time and emotion dating a bunch of the wrong people just so you can say you are dating?  Or is it more satisfying and beneficial to be patient until the most appropriate matches come along?  After all, you’ve waited this long, the right one is worth the wait however short or long that may be…

You can buy a certain number of dates from many local services and they will throw you together with Tom, Dick and Mary to meet the contract.  Or you can be more discriminating and allow a real, professional Matchmaker to work with you personally to achieve your goal(s) without contract expiration being a concern.

MORE IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER!  Ask the more than 300 couples who married either the first or second person they met through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.  They know it’s not a numbers game.

MARRIAGE OR DATING…THAT IS THE QUESTION

Is It a Numbers Game or Real Matchmaking?

Sure, you can play the numbers and the Internet Dating services are great for that.  But if you want to meet “the one” to marry the odds are much like the Lottery!  Out of the millions of singles on millions of Internet services a minute number meet the person they marry.  Playing the numbers is dating not matchmaking.  Now that you’ve tried the Internet dating services it’s time to get serious.

Local Denver dating services and matchmakers try to “hook you” when you call and ask how many people they have to introduce you to (a certain number of dates for an astronomical fee) or they will fudge the number of your prospects knowing absolutely nothing about you.

A legitimate matchmaker cannot give you real numbers without a thorough interview knowing all of your preferences and SHOWING you files to develop a perception of your taste.  Franchise services have a slick sales pitch as do some locally owned services.  The feedback I’ve received from clients of those types of services is that those services did not follow their criteria and just threw them together with all of the men in the service.  The men report that because there are so few of them in those services, they are set up with every new woman who comes in.

So if you call a service that inflates the number of prospects knowing minimal or nothing about you, don’t join.  You will be sorry later.  To be realistic when joining any service they should have singles in your age range who, from specific information over the phone, are the type of clientele you seek.

IT ONLY TAKES THE RIGHT ONE!  Not a million of the wrong ones.  Most of the clients of Bon Jour Matchmaking Service who got married, married either the first or second person they met in the service.

DENVER SINGLES NEVER TOO OLD FOR LOVE

I frequently receive calls from men saying the women their age (40+) act too old for them.  That they are vital, active and on-the-go and need someone younger to be matched with.

But recently I am receiving more and more calls from women with the exact same complaints.  STOP IT…that is no longer the case!

The most obvious answer to both is…if you are fit, attractive and active at your age, why wouldn’t there be people of the opposite sex who also are?  Both sexes are vital, vibrant, active and enthusiastic, especially in Denver.  There are always exceptions to the rule (in every age group) but in general Denver singles 40+ are active, fit, fun and open to discovery and love.

My clients travel, ski, play tennis, hike, scuba dive, golf and tons of other activities regardless of their age.  This is 2013, both sexes need to stop pigeon-holing each other, date age appropriate people and open your minds about maturing.  It’s not all bad…and it’s certainly not like it was for our parents.