WHY DENVER’S BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE IS RAISING IT’S FEE IN 2014

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If you’ve read through the website you will know by now that upon the 25th Anniversary of Bon Jour in January, 2014 your investment will increase.  Why is that?

1.   25 years of experience in one-on-one counseling, matchmaking and coaching;

2.   313 marriages since 1989;

3.   Local services are charging much higher fees for less services.  This new investment will still be more in line with other Denver matchmaking/dating services;

4.   I’ve been told that the perception is…if a service charges a high fee that dictates the quality of a service; (BTW not true)

5.   You receive as a client extensive information and current photos about every client;

6.   You have an open-ended contract at no extra fee.  Every client receives that and always has;

7.   The in-depth coaching through the dating process;

8.   Open 7 days a week and holidays;

9.   Last, but not least, again 25 years in the Denver matchmaking business!

 

MATCHMAKING, COACHING, LISTENING AND LEARNING AT THIS DENVER SERVICE

Hiring a matchmaking service is a lot like hiring a financial adviser to direct you in the stock market.  You invest your money hoping for a large return; you have patience because the market can go up and down and you are basically making an educated decision about this form of investment.  Likewise in a matchmaking service your investment is in the hopes that you will meet people who you’ve been searching for up to this point; you are directed by the matchmaker which candidates (like stocks) will give you the best return; it can take time to meet the most appropriate matches and they may be successful or not.  It’s an investment in the process.  Again, patience is key.  With my open-ended contract you have the best opportunity to meet the “right” person when they present themselves.

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service not only matches you with an abundance of information and photos of each client but also includes coaching.   The important and valuable thing about the dating coaching aspect is that I am objective and receiving feedback on both sides of the match.  That way I can follow if you have a trend of doing something that undermines potential relationships and am able to share that with you and hopefully correct it.  That has come up a lot recently with many of my clients.

Although they are very well educated, accomplished and outstanding individuals they tend to make the same mistakes with each match as I learn from the feedback.  Consequently we have to address this so that they will be more successful in the future.  I can set you up with terrific people, but if you keep undermining the process you will get the same results…I can lead a horse to water but I can’t make it drink out of a glass.

The first suggestion I would make to anyone considering working with a Denver matchmaker is that rather than say, this is the type of person I usually date or this is my type and this isn’t you keep an open mind.  If this is the “type” you usually date it isn’t working and perhaps you should consider being more open minded rather than repeating a “type” that hasn’t been working out.  In my 40 year dating “career”, although there were certain looks I was most attracted to I also made room for other things about a person that I found attractive.  We all know couples who, on paper, don’t seem to match up very much or look odd together, but low and behold they have long and happy marriages because the very most important attributes such as values, morals, some level of attraction and goals are a match.

If what you’ve been doing in selecting the people you date and/or behaving the same way on dates has not been working (and I presume that’s why you are on here reading this), doesn’t it make sense to try another approach?  That’s not to say that you can’t and won’t meet people you find attractive in all ways (that’s your decision to make after reading their profile and viewing their photos as well as my input), I’m just saying rather than being more narrow when you hire a matchmaker, be more open.

REVIEW OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE MATCHMAKERS

This was taken from the Huffington Post.

Woman sues millionaire matchmakers, Kelleher & Associates, who she paid $45k to ‘set her up with convicted criminals, a man looking for friends with benefits, a sexually promiscuous Internet sex toy purveyor and an animal hater’

By Rachel Quigley

PUBLISHED: 08:10 EST, 20 September 2012 | UPDATED: 08:14 EST, 20 September 2012

A 59-year-old woman is suing a millionaire matchmaking company who she claims set her up with countless unsuitable matches despite the fact she paid the mother-daughter duo $45,000 to find her someone who fit her profile.

In 2008, Joan E. Cooke, from Florida, hired premier matchmaking firm Kelleher & Associates, run by former Hollywood actresses Amber Kelleher and her daughter Jill – who boasted clients who were Grammy award-winning singers, producers and actors.

But this was far from what Ms Cooke – an executive at two healthcare firms – was matched with. In fact in some cases, they were almost the antithesis of what she requested in a suitable partner.
Florida woman: Joan Cooke is suing a pair of mother-daughter millionaire matchmakers after she paid their firm $45,000 for dating services and was set up with suitors who didn’t match her tastes

Cupid: In 2008, Joan E. Cooke hired the firm Kelleher & Associates, a premier matchmaking service run by Amber Kelleher and her daughter Jill, both former Hollywood actresses

According to the law suit, of the 13 men she was matched with;

One was a sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor, despite her profile stating she was seeking family, fidelity and intellectual sophistication.

A Google search on another showed that he had criminal convictions for fraud ‘as long as a very long arm’ dating back to the 1970s.

Stating that she was a Democrat and fairly liberal in all areas, she was twice matched with Republicans, with the excuse given by Kelleher that ‘opposites attract’.

On two other occasions, the men she went on a date with informed her they were not looking for a monogamous relationship, despite the fact she specifically requested this in her profile. One man told her he wanted only ‘friends with benefits’.

Despite the fact Joan Cooke, left, said she was an animal lover, one of the suitors said she would have to put her cats, right, outside if he ever visited

She later found that both men were not paying members of the site.

Another man told her she would have to put her cats outside if he came to visit as he didn’t like animals. In her profile, Cooke expressed a love of animals and desire to keep more.

The law suit states: ‘Cook’s purportedly personalized search yielded 13 matches, the backgrounds, personalities, interests and behavior of these matches reveal very clearly that Kelleher had not used reasonable good faith efforts to find a suitor based on her profile.’

‘There is absolutely nothing in Cooke’s profile to suggest that she would be compatible with a sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor and aficionado,’ reads the complaint, filed in California Supreme Court last week.

Cooke is demanding restitution from the firm along with at least $25,000 in damages.

A Kelleher & Associates spokesman told the Huffington Post in an email that the lawsuit was baseless, adding that the 25-year-old company had never before been sued.

They said in a 2010 interview they have had 400 marriages to come from their matchmaking.

WHO KELLEHER & ASSOCIATES DEEMED SUITABLE PARTNERS FOR JOAN

Suitor A: Ms Cooke specifically stated she did not want a ‘semi-retired individual who wishes to spend time with their grandchildren’ and desired someone athletic and active. Suitor A was a ‘sedentary semi-retired individual who wished to spend time with his grandchildren’.

Suitor B: A sexually promiscuous internet sex toy purveyor, despite Ms Cooke’s profile stating she was seeking family, fidelity and intellectual sophistication.

Suitor C: Ms Cooke loves animals and stated in her profile that she has aspirations to own dogs and horses along with her cats. Suitor C hates animals and told her the cats would have to be placed outside if he ever visited.

Suitor D: A former Republican whip who had a criminal conviction for driving so drunk, other vehicles had to veer off the road to avoid colliding with his car.

Suitor E: A Google search showed that suitor E had criminal convictions for fraud dating back to the 1970s in Manhattan, with a judge saying he has a ‘record of convictions as long as his arm, and it’s a long arm’.

Suitor F: Told Ms Cooke he was not a paying client of Kelleher Associates, was only interested in ‘friends with benefits’ and had a list of beautiful women he could ‘bed’.

Suitor G: Stating that she was a Democrat and fairly liberal in all areas, she was matched with a very conservative Republican, with the excuse given by Kelleher that ‘opposites attract’.

Suitor H: Despite stating she was looking for a long-term monogamous relationship, this man told her from the outset he was not interested in monogamy

Suitor I: One of the top three priorities Ms Cooke listed was career and income as she wanted to travel frequently with her new partner. This suitor had to re-enter the workforce after retirement to ‘make ends meet’.

There’s not much I can add to that…

IN BON JOUR MATCHMAKING WE ARE PARTNERS

When you first contact me to ask questions about my service that is when we both start evaluating whether my structure, philosophy and personality fit for you and I assess whether you truly understand my philosophy, whether you are realistic, your dating attitude and whether we communicate well enough to work together. Also, whether you fit what my clients are looking for. To make this a successful partnership both sides have to fit…just like with your matches.

As it says all over my website this is an OLD FASHIONED MATCHMAKING SERVICE.  Presumably you are calling me because you understand that and all that means.  So to ask me how many are in my “database” right off the bat tells me you don’t get it.  My clients are not a “database”, they are clients.  Would you want to be considered part of a database or a client?  One implies a much closer relationship than the other.

If your philosophy is the more people I meet the more apt I am to find the right one, that it’s a numbers game, this is not the service for you.  This is a MATCHMAKING service, consequently you are not thrown together with just anyone in your age range or that you purchased in a package.  You are MATCHED, on both sides, with the most appropriate people.  I presume you are only looking for “The ONE”, not the bunch to have a serious relationship with or marry.  Remember, almost all the couples who have married, married either the first or second person I introduced them to.

If we decide to work together I will ask you to send me a minimum of 8 pictures prior to your interview.  If you do not follow that request it becomes clear that you may be difficult to work with.  There are things in this service that you agree to follow as on the Behavioral Agreement and Contract and I need to see prior to our meeting that you are reliable and follow through.  That’s why people select Bon Jour, because the clients are reliable and have the same goal unlike in other local matchmaking services.  Again, this is a partnership and from the very first contact it becomes clear to me whether you are with me or against me.  For your best results we need to be partners.

When we work together I am your advocate, confidant, partner, agent and representative.  I am always present either in person or by phone when I read someone your profile and send them your photos so they often ask my opinion of you and/or whether you would be a better choice than someone else they have viewed.  So if I were the client I would be as nice, polite, obliging and cooperative with my matchmaker as possible so that when a prospect asks about me my matchmaker would gush about how much they like me and how easy I am to work with, etc.  Does that make sense?

Some of the Posts on my website may come off as very direct and emphatic.  I am very confidant both in my matchmaking abilities based on the 36 years of matchmaking and the structure of this service.  I didn’t purchase Bon Jour from someone else, I created it in 1989.  I didn’t work for another service and then decide to steal their clients and start my own.  This is and always has been my baby.  My clients are my “kids” and I’m as protective of them as a mother would be of her children.  I guess the bottom line is…you can choose to be part of a database or you can choose to be one of my clients.  Either way I wish you the best of luck in your quest! 

WHAT’S BON JOUR MATCHMAKING’S BEHAVIORAL AGREEMENT?

I’ve heard complaints from clients who have used both the Internet dating sites, apps and local dating/matchmaking services that the behavior of people they have met was inappropriate even though in some cases they’ve paid thousands of dollars for the service. I implemented this Behavioral Agreement for every client of Bon Jour Matchmaking from day one in 1989 so that my clients show each other mutual respect.

When a new client joins the Bon Jour family, they sign both a regular contract stipulating fee and responsibilities of both parties as well as a Behavioral Agreement. Stipulated in the Agreement are basic manners which you would assume people would know and use, however that is not always the case. For example, clients are responsible to let me know if there is a change in their appearance so that I may update their photos, contact information changes, dating status changes, etc.  But most important to me are the points of contact, meeting and feedback.

These stipulations help Bon Jour Matchmaking run smoothly, mitigate the frustration of clients on little things that may impede the success of a match and help me get to know each and every client in more depth than just at the time of the interview. That has to be one of the main reasons there have been 300+ marriages to date through Bon Jour!

PREMIERE DENVER MATCHMAKER SAYS “LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES”

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Through my twenties, thirties and a bit in my forties I dated veraciously.  I had always thought that the more men I dated the better chance I would have of meeting the right one…NOT!  It took until my mid-forties to realize, obviously, that does not work.  It only wears you out, changes your attitude for the worse and baffles you.  That is why, along with the fact that Internet Dating Sites are often used in that way and don’t work, my philosophy in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is to take your time, be patient and wait for the RIGHT matches to come along.

Another mistake I made during my dating career was that I jumped to lots of negative conclusions too quickly.  I see my clients do it all the time and I have to pull them back to reality and slow them down to give someone a chance.  Often they have, as I used to do, decided based on very little evidence that a person is not that interested or a number of other incorrect conclusions.  That’s when I swoop in the middle, correct their misperception(s) and put the potential relationship back on track.  I was going to say that at a certain age we all jump to conclusions, but I have been working with ages 25-40 now and they do it too.

One thing you should NEVER say to someone is “I’m not going to settle”.  It makes you sound arrogant and inflexible.  Occasionally my clients say it to me, which is fine, but I caution them not to write it in their Personal Narrative or say it to a new introduction.  It’s like throwing cold water on someone when you say that.

Don’t play games when you are cultivating a relationship.  This is directed at both men and women.  Yes, men play games too like not calling too soon or getting together too often for fear of either looking too interested/anxious or turning a woman off.  Don’t follow things like “The Rules” or “Cosmo Magazine”, remember those are written to make money…and they do.  That doesn’t mean they are correct or should be taken as gospel.  Each person you meet is different and therefore must be treated differently based on your observations of their personality.  Each person brings out different qualities in you.  For example someone can ask two people who you’ve dated what you are like and they may get totally different responses based on what that person and relationship brought out in you.

Check out some of my other Posts with Dating Advice throughout this Blog.  Can’t hurt…

SOME FREE ADVICE FOR SINGLES FROM A VETERAN DENVER MATCHMAKER

Let’s start with the men:

Men are very visual and want a woman who is fit and healthy, has an interesting style and he will be proud to introduce to friends, family and co-workers.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find men in Denver who dress well????  They are few and far between.  The best way to make a great first impression on a woman is to give your attire as much thought as women do before meeting you.  Especially in Denver where everyone is overly casual.  There is casual stylish and neat and there is casual sloppy.   Women are just as visual as men.  If you have facial hair make sure it is cropped so if you are inspired to go in for the kiss it doesn’t scratch her and make her back up.  Wear deodorant and/or cologne, preferably both but at least one of them.  Women put a ton of thought into that first outfit (or at least they should) and if you want that attractive, stylish woman you have to be as well.

Now for the women:

I am always shocked when in 2023 women say to me “I don’t call men”.  Well, I’m here to tell you you’d better start!  Men have told me directly they get tired of always having to call and make the plans.  If they didn’t pick up the signal that you are interested men hate rejection.  They may opt not to call if they think they will be rejected.  So, if you ARE interested you better let them know.  Also return their calls in a timely manner and initiate calls and plans.  If you don’t do it some other woman will and that’s who he will be dating.  This is 2023 stop with the “Rules” they no longer apply.  They don’t apply for wearing white after Labor Day, hemlines, haircuts, etc.  Men are tired of doing all the work.  Yes, they enjoy the chase, but they want to be chased back!

I’ve got lots of dating advice.  You may read other posts on this Blog or become a client and receive those and feedback as part of my matchmaking.

WHY THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER LOVES HER CLIENTS!

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is operated with a certain protocol which makes it run smoothly and simply.  My clientele is made up of management people, business owners, doctors and lawyers who are used to setting rules rather than following them.  But what tickles me the most is how trainable this extraordinary group of people is and how well they follow the protocol.

Perhaps it is because they logically see why the service runs as it does.  They chose Bon Jour after either using or doing due diligence on other Denver matchmaking services because of all the logical steps that are in place.  They appreciate that the service works for them and with them rather than just gathering Denver singles and throwing them together as they’ve experienced before.

I marvel at how interesting these singles are not only how accomplished in their vocation and education, but also their volunteering experience.  I have a doctor who once a year volunteers abroad with Doctors Without Borders.  I have a psychologist who is interested in housing and nurturing people from third world countries who settle in Denver.  I have a retired client who would like to work with the Peace Corps.  Clients who climb 14ers+ throughout the world.  Clients who work with animal adoption shelters and the list goes on of interesting types of experiences and the desire to help people all around the world and travel internationally doing bike tours of the French countryside, safaris and more.

Over the years I’ve been privileged to work with icon Barry Fey, a relative of an iconic Rock star, the past President of the Denver Nuggets as well as several Denver weather, sports, anchors and news reporters.  Some national celebrities have also entrusted me with their love lives.

January was Bon Jour Matchmaking Service’s 35th anniversary and I feel so lucky to still be doing what I love, making people happy and adding, in some cases, to Denver’s population growth…

BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE IS STILL A COLLABORATION AFTER 33 YEARS!

Shortly moving into my 33rd year as a Denver Matchmaker it becomes more and more clear that this service is not a dictatorship, but a mutual collaboration between client and Matchmaker.  Looking back over these years I realize that is exactly why it has been so successful.

The initial interview is a give and take between us, a clarification of your answers and a display of your taste in a match.  As well as the fact that I select the profiles you view based on both your preferences and the other clients’ preferences and you decide (with my guidance if you want it) who appeals to you.  You make that decision based on a multitude of information and photographs.  You put those profiles in the order you wish to meet them.

Although the interviewing process is very in-depth I continue to learn your personality, preferences and idiosyncrasies both through the passing of time and our interaction but even more so through feedback from your matches.  There may be some behavior you consistently do in relationships that is stopping them from progressing.  Through feedback I can share that with you and if you wish, you can work to change that behavior.  Remember, I can introduce you to outstanding people but if you continue to make the same mistakes you will have the same outcome.  So my unique position of knowing both sides is the best way to assist you in growing and correcting behavior that in the past has sabotaged potential relationships.

All clients agree and are expected to keep their information up-to-date.  This is not the Internet where you can post 10 year old pictures or even 3 year old pics.  If your weight changes, whether up or down, you need to update that with me and share new pictures.  If you grow facial hair or shave it, again, you need to share new pictures.  Those are the kind of things that set a matchmaking service apart from the Internet dating sites.  Besides all of the felons found on the Internet services.

I am proud to say that I have such a well educated, interesting, generous of spirit and stable clientele.  If you feel that you will fit in with this service and you’ve either tried others or never tried any, please go to Posts To Read Before Joining Any Matchmaking Service and read some of those.  Because Bon Jour Matchmaking is so well known and popular it is also very busy.  I am extra careful of who I feel I am able to work with, who fits in with this established clientele and who will be cooperative.  If you feel that describes you give me a call and let’s see 303-756-8106.

 

MARTHA STEWART AND MATCH.COM

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Saturday night the newsmagazine 48 Hours replayed a story they had previously aired.  A lovely 50 something woman went on Match.com and met a man.  They were married, I believe it was, in 3 months (can’t exactly remember how long it said they dated).  They had many domestic fights and eventually the woman was killed.

When the Match.com guy went on trial it was discovered that he had previously been married 3 other times.  All 3 ex-wives testified that he had abused them physically.  Fortunately the 4th wife who he killed had documented her injuries and kept a diary that she shared with a co-worker.  He was convicted of murder!  Another lovely Internet Dating Site story…

Meanwhile Martha Stewart announced a couple of months ago that she was using Match.com.  Is she crazy????  Not only have there been a ton of stories like the above but a famous, wealthy older woman is such a target!  She must be getting paid to use it and announce it.  Otherwise if she really was just personally using it she wouldn’t dare tell anyone.  So it goes to show that you can be ultra successful in many aspects of your life but nothing takes the place of COMMON SENSE…right Dr. Phil???