DENVER MATCHMAKER DATING SURVEY SAYS…

According to a 2013 Questionnaire, Denver Singles Responded Like This…

  1. Would you date or not date someone based on their job?  Generally singles said it depends on the job and how much time it would allow for the relationship.  Mostly they want to meet someone who has passion for their career.
  2. Is it polite to ask someone for a date via text message?  Overwhelmingly the women said either NO or NOT for the first several dates, it’s too impersonal.  Men overwhelmingly answered YES.  MEN, pay attention to this!
  3. What makes you stop and read a profile either on the Internet or local service?  Both men and women answered it was based on the photos first.
  4. What is the best love advice you have ever received?  Both men and women overwhelmingly answered, “Be Yourself”.  Are you people who lie on your Internet dating profiles listening?????
  5. What is the worst thing about aging?  Both men and women answered body changes; aches and pains.  Having less time to accomplish your goals.
  6. What is the best thing about aging?  Men and women said gaining wisdom, knowledge and patience.
  7. What is the one thing you definitely do not want to talk about on a first date?  Answers ranged from exes, politics, money, religion and sex.  But most people said their exes.
  8. Who do you think should make the first move when it comes to asking for a date?  Both sexes answered MEN.
  9. What is it about women that you like most?  They listen and communicate better; their feminine side.
  10. What is it about men that you like most?  Companionship; their different perspective on life.
  11. Who should pay on the first date?  For the most part both sexes answered MEN.
  12. What is the worst question someone asked you on a first date?  When someone calls your kids baggage; If I would sleep with them that night; How much money I make; Have you ever been arrested and many others…
  13. What is the one thing you always ask on a first date?  Tell me about your family; nothing specific, just follow the conversation; what their relationship with their family is and what their friends are like; do you like to travel?
  14. Would you rather be rich or good looking?  Many men said rich because they perceive that women find rich men appealing; both women and men said rich because then you can afford plastic surgery.
  15. What is your definition of LOVE?  Some answers were:

When there is trust, commitment and both partners are better together than not;

When I can’t stop thinking about the person…when I miss the person;

The ability to let someone be themselves without judging them, in addition to attraction, of course;

Mutual, unconditional caring for another;

Having someone who is always there for you, someone who you can tell your inner most thoughts to, someone who is protective of you, someone who can forgive and who is loyal and devoted to the relationship;

Mutual respect, passion and commitment through thick and thin;

Good question with no standard answer.  I’ll know it when it happens.

Keep some of these answers in mind by the opposite sex when dating and it may help you be more successful!  You need to meet a person to date first however, in which case you should continue reading this site and phone me for a FREE PHONE CONSULTATION at 303-756-8106.

ROMANCE INSPIRING COLORADO WINTER ESCAPES

If you want to bring a new relationship closer this winter, consider any of the suggestions below with a new romance or a long-term companion.  Invite someone you wish you had a relationship with and see if these inspiring settings help cultivate that union.  As a Matchmaker I can tell you that creating new adventures together ignites sparks and leaves you with memories you will cherish forever throughout your romance.

Starting with a cozy sled ride guided by eight or more Alaskan Huskies over the rolling snow fields at Stagecoach State Park hosted by Red Runner Dog Sled Tours in Steamboat Springs (tours start at $260 per sled).  Then dining at Cafe Diva in their intimate dining rooms offering ample comfort cuisine (www.cafediva.com).  Refresh yourself at the Highmark Steamboat ski-lodge hotel.  There are 23 condo suites located in a Bavarian style tower nestled at the base of the mountain (winter rates for a two-bedroom condo range from $299-$599) http://www.highmarksteamboat.com.

The deep powder on Chicago Ridge’s snowcats at Leadville’s Ski Cooper (www.skicooper.com) will ease you down the slopes.  There is a maximum of two guides and up to 12 guests in each cat for a full day of skiing which includes a hot lunch for $325.  Once you’ve built an appetite in the snow take a short snowshoe to Tennessee Pass Cookhouse less than a mile from the Ski Cooper Lodge (www.tennesseepass.com).  Sleep at the Leadville Inn which offers gourmet breakfasts.  This Inn was built circa 1895 and offers a wealth of knowledge of Leadville history.  Rates start at $90.  http://www.leadvilleinn.com.

Perhaps you prefer a high-profile location such as Aspen with its world-class skiing and dining at the Pine Creek Cookhouse which sits tucked in the base of the Elk Mountains 11 miles outside of Aspen.  This unusual experience has you strap on a miner’s headlamp and cross-country ski through 1.5 miles of subalpine-valley terrain to a log cabin cookhouse.  A horse-drawn sleigh delivers you to the cabin’s doorstep if you are not the cross-country trek to dine types.  http://www.pinecreekcookhouse.com

Aspen’s Popcorn Wagon (970-925-2718) is a rite of passage for Coloradans hankering for a gyro or a sweet crepe.  Then visit the J-Bar in the stately Hotel Jerome (www.hoteljerome.rockresorts.com).  Choose to stay the night at the Hotel Jerome or reserve the deluxe casitas in the Limelight Lodge where you can take advantage of a spacious living area with fireplace, a secluded location, private kitchen and easy access to the on-site hot tubs and heated pool (www.limelightlodge.com).

Or consider Vail and slide your way down the original locals’ hill in the valley.  One hour of tubing costs $25 www.vail.snow.com.  Ski the Game Creek Bowl, relax with some large beers at the Red Lion and indulge your appetite on expensive cuisine at Restaurant Kelly Liken.  Take a short jaunt to Avon for an aromatherapy massage ($280) and his-and-hers pedicures ($65 each) at the Westin’s Spa Anjali (www.spaanjali.com).  Avon has a new Westin Riverfront Resort and Spa offering studio suites (like a fancy apartment) complete with kitchen and mini stocked fridge.  There are 3 hot tubs and a heated pool on the outside pool deck which overlooks Eagle River (www.riverfrontresortandspa.com).

As a holiday gift, a vacation get-a-way for a long weekend or to spark a relationship sharing adventures in Colorado, any of these may get your winter fire roaring.

DATING DURING THE HOLIDAYS

If through the year you’ve had your eye on someone you have an interest in but they are involved, the holidays are usually the “make it or break it” time when they either break up or go to the next level.  At least that is the general rule…so hang in there, I know several men who, although they are in relationships are still keeping the door open in case those end.

The holidays are a tough time for men who have just started dating someone.  I’ve been told that if it’s a new relationship or not even a relationship yet they don’t want to be expected to buy gifts, spend the important days with that person or ask them out for New Year’s Eve.  They just may not be “there” yet.  Men are so confused as to what to do that they will often put off dating someone new until after the holidays.

Women on the other hand have all kinds of “hopes” (expectations) in new holiday relationships.  They hope they will spend time with the guy, they hope he will give them a “special” gift (something personal), they hope they will spend New Year’s Eve together.  All those “hopes” put lots of pressure on guys.  They also may lead to lots of disappointment for the woman.  Not all women harbor these “hopes” but many do.

How you both act during the holiday season in a new dating scenario may be a microcosm of the relationship’s future.  So keep expectations low, you may be surprised, give each other lots of room, giving a token gift is thoughtful (nothing expensive or too personal yet) and see where that leads you in January.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from MICHELE “THE MATCHMAKER” FIELDS and BON JOUR MATCHMAKING SERVICE!

DENVER SMALL BUSINESS

KEEP YOUR DOLLARS IN DENVER

There are so many choices locally for singles in Denver and the Front Range that can help you achieve your goal of meeting the right person.  Singles’ clubs, coaches, matchmakers, dating services, religious groups, etc. can be utilized locally instead of Internet services.  I am hearing more and more from singles that either they were too turned off to try Internet dating services or they had been burned by the ones they did try.  I understand that is the least expensive way to go but it also brings with it many obstacles that block a real relationship from flourishing.  People who otherwise would be honest take to lying because the Internet venue makes that so easy to do.  They also treat the Internet services like a kid in a candy store.  They may be dating you but they still are receiving mail from others and keeping one eye on the lookout for someone “better”.

At least until the end of 2024 consider keeping your dollars in Denver and the Front Range.  Because of the high percentage of singles living here businesses catering to them are abundant and should be patronized.  The positives for using local singles’ businesses are (in theory):

Personal Attention

Eye-to-eye contact

They know this marketplace

Clients have to be honest

Assisting in the stability of the Colorado economy

Keeping small businesses alive

Local, easy returns!

I heard a statistic on the news yesterday about the amount of small businesses that make up the Denver economy and although I can’t remember the exact number, I believe they said that around 90% of the metro area is supported by small businesses (under 100 employees).  In the category of what to be thankful for is living in Colorado with active, educated, intelligent, creative individuals who have taken that leap of faith and forged their future and ours with boutique style companies.

So at least through the rest of 2024 instead of using Internet singles’ services do your homework and select a local business to assist you in finding your mate.  You’ll be shocked at how many options you have.  But be a diligent shopper, read reviews, check the BBB, call services directly and ask the appropriate questions and expect them to give you the answers on the phone so that you can make the most comfortable and economically sound choice for yourself.

Call Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields, Bon Jour Matchmaking Service 303-756-8106

WHY MEN DON’T CALL BACK AFTER THE FIRST DATE

Compiling feedback from my male clients as well as male friends over these many years I have uncovered one of the reasons men don’t call back after a first meeting/date.

The most frequent reason, aside from the obvious they’re not interested, is that they didn’t get those elusive positive, interested, attracted vibes back from the woman they met.  Men HATE rejection, so if they don’t feel that they will receive a positive response they will not call in most cases.

Part of my matchmaking coaching is to let both sides of the match know the interest level (which they share with me in their feedback) of the other person when this situation arises.  Most potential relationships would be “dead in the water” if I didn’t poke my nose in and correct these misinterpretations.  So many potential meetings have turned into relationships because they had a “nosy” Matchmaker in the middle clarifying behavior to each party and not dropping the ball.

Both parties need to make their interest known (if they are interested) so as not to leave the other person too insecure to pursue them.  If you go through the uncomfortable effort of meeting new and potential partners, it should follow that you need to be communicative when you  meet them.  For example, if you are not interested DON’T SAY YOU WILL CALL THEM.  Just say how nice it was to meet them and leave it at that.  They will get the message.

Also, don’t judge someone by one thing they do that doesn’t appeal to you during the initial meeting.  They are as uncomfortable as you are and are just trying to act natural so they may make some mistakes. There is too much prejudging which stops things before they even get started.  On the other hand people usually tell you who they are right away.  Believe them!  Many a partner has overlooked IMPORTANT negative signs right in the beginning which turned up later in the relationship.  Don’t ignore those thinking that you can change that behavior or this person won’t act that way with you.  You can’t and they will.

Whether you are using the Internet, a social group or a personal Matchmaker the above advice is something to think about before your next first date.  Best of luck as always…

Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields, Heart Hunter

“I LOOK MUCH YOUNGER THAN MY AGE”…

(Click on the link to go to Post)

99% of the seniors who phone me for matchmaking tell me right away that they look and act much younger than their age.  Well first of all this is Denver so lots of people feel that way and are correct, also at this point in time lots of people are active, healthy and appear younger than their age.

The women say I don’t want to be a nursemaid to an old guy and the men want to date 15-20 years younger than themselves all because their perception of their peers is that they are old.  IF YOU ARE YOUTHFUL AND ACTIVE FOR YOUR AGE WHY WOULDN’T THAT BE TRUE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AS WELL?

Certainly and obviously, the reason many of these people are still single or single again is because they are not looking any deeper than the surface.  That IS a byproduct of living in Colorado (see the blog about 5280 Magazine‘s article).  With women it’s usually height and hair, the guys aren’t tall enough to please them.  With the men it could be figure, age, hair, etc., etc. You are not perfect so why do you expect and demand perfection?  Do you want a perfect looking person who runs at the first sign of trouble or when someone hotter comes along, or a mate who you are attracted to who makes you happy and who you can have a good life with?

I regularly hear of clients who have tried the Internet dating sites/apps and met all kinds of diverse people. But when they come to a Matchmaker suddenly, they have strict, narrow criteria and are not flexible. If you are open minded on the Internet why are you not flexible when it really counts and you go to a professional? Paying a professional Matchmaker means working with him/her together to adjust your expectations, open your important preferences and be open as much as you are meeting someone outside of the matchmaking service. That is the only way to be successful.  The singles who have done that over the 33+ years I’ve been matchmaking had success and got married!

You can have a short relationship with perfection and then you’re back on the market when they dump you for someone younger, more athletic, better looking and wealthier, or you can take a good hard look at your future and what is the most beneficial course for you.  This is not a beauty contest, this is your life and at this stage of your life I would hope you only want to marry or have a committed relationship one more time…your last first date.  You can accomplish that by adjusting your thought pattern from your twenties.  In your twenties most of your criteria is superficial, then you move to your forties when it is a combination of superficial and substance.  When you reach your fifties and beyond, of course you want someone who you are attracted to, but whether they are sane, healthy, kind, supportive, loyal, financially responsible, communicative, intelligent and many other substantive traits should be your primary concern.  Those are the traits that make relationships last and isn’t that what you really want?

THERE ARE MONSTERS ALL AROUND US

FOR JESSICA RIDGEWAY

There are monsters all around us

But little do they know

We are onto how they hound us

And scare our babies so.

They come out in the sunlight

And blend in with our lives

They steal the little darlings and cause us all a fright.

Eventually we’ll catch you so enjoy your awful deeds

Because when we do we’ll make you pay without care for your human needs.

We’ll treat you like you’ve treated us as selfish as can be

We’ll make you wish you were never born and that’s okay by me!

c copyright October 2012 Michele Fields

 

DENVER MATCHMAKER APPROACHES 24 YEARS

MICHELE FIELDS…24 YEARS OF MATCHMAKING

EXPERIENCE

Bon Jour Matchmaking Service started and continues to be a hands-on, old-fashioned, collaborative matchmaking service just as it was at its inception almost 24 years ago.  There are many businesses that should and can become automated and Internet-based, but matchmaking, in my opinion, is not one of them.  Of course people meet each other in a variety of venues and ways, but when it comes to hiring a specialist to assist in this very personal endeavor I feel matchmaking should be as it once was…old fashioned and personalized.

Created in 1989 Bon Jour Matchmaking Service is looking forward to continuing to facilitate marriages and LTRs for almost a quarter century!  In the first few years there were only a couple of dating/matchmaking services in the Denver area and no Internet.  In the nineties more dating clubs, groups and local services sprung up.  Many of those are no longer in business, so how does Bon Jour continue to thrive in the 21st century with Internet dating services in every category in vogue and local “matchmakers”, “coaches” and dating franchises along the Front Range?

As the owner and Matchmaker of Bon Jour I really feel it is most important to get to know each client’s preferences and criteria, know every client in the service, extend as much information about matches as is reasonable with photos and work together selecting who they would like to meet.  No client is forced to meet another, only suggestions and information are shared to give Clients the best chance of success.

Bon Jour Matchmaking with Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields continues to thrive and be successful due to its structure and the personalized, collaborative nature of the service.

5280 MAGAZINE LISTS THE FIVE REASONS IT’S DIFFICULT TO DATE IN DENVER

Michele the Matchmaker Shares Excerpts From 5280

Magazine’s Article from February, 2009

(Click on the blue print to go to Posts)

No. 1:  Lack of Dating Know-How:  Few things about dating are more apparent than this.  We are just plain bad at it.  It’s not that we’ve learned the rules and tossed them out the window.  It’s more what we aren’t learning in the formative years of relationship development…we’ve forgotten how to date in a traditional sense because we’re instant gratification junkies (thank you modern technology).  We simply aren’t acquiring the skills to successfully start and maintain adult relationships.

No. 2:  The Colorado Effect:  …Welcome to Colorado, the Twilight Zone of perpetual soul fulfillment and inner happiness.  According to Dr. Howard Markman, Coloradans actually aren’t so radiant in the relationship department.  In fact, Colorado’s divorce rate is 20% HIGHER than the rest of the country.

To begin with, says Markman, our standards are skewed because of what he’s dubbed the Colorado Effect: “Generally there are higher expectations for happiness here”.  “Because people think, I’m in a beautiful place, therefore I should be happy.”  In other words, if something’s not perfect, we’re less likely to work at it than those who live somewhere less inspiring.  “We have a tendency in relationships to move on too quickly.”

No. 3:  The Peter Pan Syndrome:  In a state full of “young-at-heart folks” who view recreation as religion, pursuing love  might seem less enticing than pursuing a powder stash.  How does that shake out in matters of the heart?  According to Colorado native ski legend and Vail resident Chris Anthony, “I once read that the highest levels of ADD are in Colorado and  the mountain communities.  People take that energy and put it into adventure and outdoor activities.  Unfortunately, I think that kind of prepackaging you bring to a relationship as you get older carries more weight than the relationship itself.”

What does this mean for his dating life?  “It’s horrible.  Not healthy.  For women, I think the sense of adventure might be there; the thought of it is attractive and romantic.  But the reality feels a little unsafe.”

No. 4:  Transplant Troubles:  So you left your family/job/church/sports loyalties – your life – in another state to move out here.  You’re not alone.  Metro Denver’s population is rising significantly, and has been growing at a pace quicker than the national rate since the 1930’s.  About 53,000 people migrated to the Denver-Aurora metro area between 2006 and 2007 alone.  What that means for singletons is a tougher time connecting; with a reduced network, you’ll need to start fresh to rebuild your tribe.

No. 5:  A Brave New (Online) World:  The point, click, date phenomenon of dating sites has made casting a wide net easier than ever-which is both a blessing and a curse.  “Online dating gives the illusion of infinite options,” says a dating consultant.  From coaching clients through the online profile-writing process, she admits that having a lot of candidates can be a good thing, but warns against dating with the mindset that someone better is just a mouse-click away.  “Online dating forces you to make superficial judgments,” she says, “It’s harder to get beyond the first date.  We now date people to rule people out.  We need to approach dates looking to rule them in.”

 

DENVER MATCHMAKER HAS A BEHAVIORAL AGREEMENT WITH HER CLIENTS

What is a Behavioral Agreement?

I’ve heard complaints from clients who have used both the Internet dating sites and local dating/matchmaking services that the behavior of people they have met was inappropriate even though in some cases they’ve paid thousands of dollars for the service.  I implemented this Behavioral Agreement for every client of Bon Jour Matchmaking from day one in 1989 when Bon Jour was established so that Bon Jour clients show mutual respect.  It is most important to me that little mistakes don’t derail the success of any match.

When a new client joins the Bon Jour family they sign both a regular contract stipulating fee and responsibilities of both parties as well as a Behavioral Agreement.  Stipulated in the Behavioral Agreement are basic manners which you would assume people would know and use, however that is not always the case.  For example, clients are responsible to let me know if there is a change in their appearance so that I may update their photos, contact information changes, dating status changes, etc.

But most important to me are the points of contact, meeting and feedback.  Common sense tells you that a person can only stay excited after viewing a profile with photos for a short time.  If they have viewed many profiles they may not even remember yours specifically (until I reread it to them and send them your photo again).  So the first agreement is that the clients will contact each other within ONE week.  Secondly, they agree to meet within TWO weeks and lastly they are to CALL me with their feedback on the meeting.  Feedback consists of the obvious…did they like the person, would they like to go out with that person again or would they like to continue on the list they’ve made of several clients they have an interest in.  Was that person prompt, well-groomed, polite, interesting and any other pertinent information they wish to share.  This information is most useful to me as a Matchmaker in more intimately getting to know both clients and how they behave in a real life situation, not just an interview.  The more knowledge I have about their behavior and preferences, the better able I am to match them in the future.

Additionally, clients are asked to return my call or e-mail within THREE days so that I may present a client’s file to them, get their response and let that client know whether there is a match.  When I call there is usually a client waiting for an answer so it is most important that I receive a timely call back.  I never want to leave a client hanging because someone took their time getting back to me.

These stipulations help Bon Jour Matchmaking run smoothly, mitigate the frustration of clients on little things that may impede the success of a match and help me get to know each and every client in more depth than just at the time of the interview.  That has to be one of the main reasons there have been 313 marriages to date through Bon Jour!