HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING FRIEND
Missing you every day Ricky. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years! The world is not the same without you…
REMEMBERING RICK BARBER…MY BEST FRIEND…HAPPY BIRTHDAY
WHAT IS SPEED DATING?
It is a singles’ night with a bunch of unvetted singles looking for love by going to a bar and spending upwards of $60 to spend 5-7 minutes looking a person over. Hey, I remember doing that in my twenties and thirties for FREE with the additional privilege of spending more than 5-7 minutes.
Perhaps I could see the value if they vetted these singles, but it’s always an open-ended invite so any crazy person, felon or married person can show up, as long as they PAY.
Talk about superficial…it’s totally about looks so for women who aren’t gorgeous and men who are short and bald it is a challenge…hey, just like going to a bar for FREE.
What is it you are paying for? That would be the first question I would ask. What do the party throwers know about these people? It’s ridiculous and they have made a fortune (they meaning everyone trying to make a buck) throwing these and somehow convincing people it’s worth it. Are you THAT gullible?
THINK LONG TERM, BE REALISTIC and BE HUMAN WHEN DATING
I have recently been in contact with a guy I dated in my twenties. He’s now in his sixties. One of the things that got on my nerves when we dated was that he worked out obsessively every day, 7 days a week and anything else was put on the back burner.
Well, it turns out he looked healthy and great on the outside but lots was going on inside that he could not control or be aware of. Something he specifically told me this morning was that he never thought he would date women over 50 because of his perception of them and because he felt that he had so much to offer. He’s always been a handsome, wealthy and a very sweet guy! Today he said he’d be lucky to have someone in their 50’s or 60’s consider him! So of course you ask why?
A year ago he had a severe stroke which has disabled him in certain ways that he is fighting back and working through. His perception of himself, women and the world has changed dramatically. He has always been the handsome, sexy, virile man who didn’t look his age. I haven’t seen him but his description of himself is quite different now.
Hey, “shit happens”…this is life. He commented that he would date Chrisite Brinkley. I said what if you did and SHE had the stroke, gained weight, looked different and needed help? That could happen…would you still be there? (I don’t remember his answer, don’t think he responded…)
Everyone who comes in here whether male or female seems to want their idea of “perfection”. Perfection doesn’t last forever. There are car accidents, strokes, ALS, ED, etc., etc. People don’t remain the same through their whole lives. The test is whether you or they will still be there when times aren’t “perfect” and they or YOU aren’t “perfect”. The person you SHOULD be searching for is one with compassion, loyalty, humanity and realism.
Of course there has to be an attraction in many areas, but that physical attraction becomes less and less important as you age because some of the most beautiful people do not age well, i.e., Jessica Lange, Brigitte Bardot, Mickey Rourke, Val Kilmer, Kathleen Turner, Kelly LeBrock, Keith Richards, Jack Nicholson, Brigette Neilsen, Steven Seagal, Janice Dickinson, Nick Nolte, etc. Just because someone looks great NOW doesn’t mean they always will. AND just because you look great on the outside doesn’t mean you are healthy on the inside, like my friend.
On the other hand, there are people who were average looking when they were younger who look better with age, i.e., Diane Keaton, Katie Couric, Barbra Striesand, Julianne Moore, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Tom Hanks, etc. The question isn’t are they good looking, the more important question at certain ages is how well are they aging.
So when choosing a partner look long term, be realistic and be human…and remember that “shit happens” even to YOU, so choose someone who will be there if and when it does!
THE BEST CHOICE…AN UNMARRIED DENVER MATCHMAKER
(Click on bright blue print to go to Posts)
Periodically people ask me if I’m not married how can I coach and match make others. My response is…if I had been married for years how would I remember or even know the ups and downs, frustrations, disappointments or current choices for finding a mate? I would have been in a cocoon outside of the challenges singles go through while dating and even looking for someone to date, especially in certain age ranges. Getting to know this veteran matchmaker.
I’ve been there, I’ve dated in “bulk”, I’ve taken breaks from dating for years and tried again, I’ve had 8 marriage proposals that I declined except for three. One short marriage, two engagements that I broke off. I knew one thing, I didn’t want to have a string of divorces behind me. So I learned after the first one that it’s best to break an engagement than suck it up and go through a bad marriage ending in divorce.
I’ve dated national celebrities, local news anchors, radio personalities, mechanics, millionaires, attorneys, Denver Broncos and the list goes on. If I had not had all those experiences how could I possibly relate to my clients? I’ve seen Bon Jour clients make mistakes that I made over the years so I have hind sight enabling me to point them in the right direction.
I.e., a couple who just met yesterday (4/6/14) who really hit it off told me interesting feedback. She said he cannot get together on a weekend until two weeks from now due to plans. I said, why can’t you get together during the week? Did he ask if you are available during the week? She said no. We both agreed that because it took them 2 weeks to have their first meeting due to a death in her family that another two weeks would be like throwing cold water on things.
It is important to keep the momentum going. I really think there are loads of potential relationships that fall by the wayside because of a break in the momentum. So I spoke with him and he said that he gathered from their conversations that she was not available on week nights. He never asked her, he just assumed from things she said. My advice to him was to work on his communication skills. Not to assume but if that’s the impression, to ask. She was definitely open to getting together on a week night. He’s a great client and takes my advice and direction well and agreed.
Having a professional matchmaker in the middle can stop a potential relationship from falling through the cracks as in the example above and others on this Blog. I know from my own experience that when you are excited about meeting someone and they put you off for two weeks the intensity and excitement can wane or completely disappear thus severing the connection. How would I know that if I had been married for years?
So to any naysayers out there who question how an unmarried matchmaker can do this career…use your common sense and think through your question and you’ll get it.
IT’S NOT ABOUT MONEY FOR THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER EVEN WITH CELEBRITIES
In many of the posts both on my Blog and Pages I’ve reiterated that I decline more prospects than I accept as I need to protect my clients and that person needs to fit in with the service.
This week a well known and controversial Denver personality contacted me to become a client of Bon Jour Matchmaking. First the good stuff…he’s in great shape, attractive, intelligent, articulate, well read, financially well off and recently infamous…
In some other posts I referred to the fact that even though I’ve been practicing Denver matchmaking for 25 years, on this 25th anniversary situations are coming up that have NEVER come up before…
I was surprised to hear from this particular person as our paths have crossed in the past and according to him, he didn’t see any value in this type of service at that time. So first of all he wanted to play “Let’s Make a Deal” where he offers me his service for free, pays me nothing upfront and if I don’t get enough business from it he’ll make up the difference (at least that’s what I think he said). In my experience, which is very consistent over 25 years, the people with the most money ALWAYS want to play this game. FYI, I don’t play that game regardless of who the person is. I have worked and continue to work with very high profile celebrities/personalities (nationally) and they receive the exact same fee and service everyone receives.
So this guy is legally separated and they are holding off on divorce for some “complicated reasons”. He’s been in the Denver media a lot in the past few years (and not in a good way). I could hear the desperation in his voice as he was trying to convince me that what I’ve heard and read was untrue and he is having trouble meeting people due to his infamy of late and felt that having an advocate/middleman would assist him in his romantic endeavors. All of my female clients have emphatically stated they will not meet men who are separated so before even considering him I had to contact the women in the age range he specified to see if they would consider someone in his position. I did not tell them who he is. All of them said yes, of course depending on other factors.
Well, the other factors are not good AND as I’ve stated in another post, I start evaluating a potential client from the very first phone call. He was suppose to call me back after a meeting to schedule an appointment (which BTW he wanted the next day which I couldn’t do) and didn’t call. I also sent him an email asking more information about his part of the fee and he never answered. I spent the better part of a day both listening to his rationalizations of the situation as well as contacting clients back and forth. Clients must “walk the talk” and be responsive and clearly, along with his other mess he isn’t. I was extremely professional and spent 2 hours listening to his explanations, etc. He never thanked me or responded to my last email letting him know that I was declining him as a client for a variety of reasons.
So, even though his fee was on the high-end based on his age and the abundance of potential matches I decided to decline. IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service! It’s about having desirable, upstanding, stable Denver singles who are looking for some type of permanent romantic relationship at some point.
I RECEIVED THIS FROM MY CLIENT ABOUT A NEW GIMMICK WITH eHarmony.com
All information about Denver matchmaking services has come directly from either printed reviews and material already online and/or from callers or clients. This is not my personal review.
4/13/14 Check this out from LinkedIn:
Tara Steele
Hi Everyone! I just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Tara Steele and I’m overseeing marketing for eHarmony’s new premium matchmaking service, eH+.
I’m new to the Matchmaking Industry so I’m very excited to be a part of this great group. I’m excited to meet some of you at the Matchmaking Institute Conference at the end of the month.
So the person running this whole new division is new to matchmaking! She said it herself on LinkedIn!
Wow, eHarmony is really getting a lot of negative reviews. So much so that they’ve come up with a new gimmick according to one of my clients who keeps me up on this stuff. See his email below with their pitch and his opinion: In checking this out, the $5,000 is ONLY for 12 months!
Instead of the computer matching you, for $5K they’ll have a matchmaker match you with people from their database:
You’ve heard of matchmakers who charge $10,000, $20,000, $50,000 or more to introduce their clients to a very small pool of matches. Note: At least you meet them in person…not so with this deal.
We’ve found a better way– eH+. With eH+ you’ll be working one-on-one with a professional matchmaker who talks with you, coaches you, and hand-selects your matches.
Instead of choosing from only a few dozen potential matches, we’ll be looking at a pool of millions of people. For a price that’s a fraction of the high-end matchmakers – $5,000.
How is this different from eHarmony?
Whatever your experience has been with eHarmony it’s important to understand that eH+ works in a very different way. It isn’t a computer dating site. It’s an offline service that puts you in the hands of a relationship professional. You talk to your eH+ Matchmaker via phone, Skype, text or email and we do all the work for you.
We do choose your matches from eHarmony’s extensive pool of people, but the process of selecting which matches we present to you is very different, and based on information about you that isn’t considered with an eHarmony match.
Typically, you’re likely to get some matches that would never have been given to you on eHarmony.com as well as some matches that you did receive but that you never had the chance to meet or seriously consider.
Or basically you’re paying someone to use eHarmony FOR you – the matchmaker knows nothing more about the people they’re matching you with than what’s already in THEIR profile. So as the client, you don’t have to write a profile and bother with sending introductory emails but instead the matchmaker sets you up with the person with the ten year-old profile picture. 🙂
The only difference is they have access to the full database and pick for you bypassing their computer match algorithm; with eHarmony you only get to interact with the people their computer selects for you, not the membership as a whole and it’s national not local.
The key is, your matchmaker only has access to THEIR profile; they know nothing more about them than you would if you were matched by their computer. They don’t meet you face-to-face so where’s the personalized part?
Yeah, that’s worth $5K… (my eyes hurt from how hard they’re rolled at that thought.)
Take Care,
Bill
DENVER DATING COACHES
This Post is just my opinion of any type of “dating coaches”, especially individuals who come from a totally different field and decide to go into the dating service, matchmaking service, dating coaching arena. And Denver is crawling with them! Of course my opinion may hold more water than most since I’ve been a professional Denver Matchmaker for 28 years…
Just seems like a gimmick to me. Even a “coach” who is trained as a psychologist has nothing to do with dating and matchmaking. Generally clients who hire them as a psychologist are not talking about their dating challenges, they are talking more about their background, upbringing, personality disorders, marriage issues, etc. None of that has anything to do with coaching dating or matchmaking. I sense that these “coaches” are playing on the vulnerability of the clients they are counseling about other issues. I.e., there is a blog called My Dating Prescription written by a woman whose psychologist told her to go out and date 100 men. She’s half way through that “prescription” and is burned out and disappointed. She lives in Washington state but called me to represent her she’s so frustrated! Of course I only work with people either living in Colorado or who spend a significant amount of time here, specifically Denver’s Front Range.
I’ve heard that they start out being hired as a “dating coach” but then move into matchmaking. I’ve been told by men, in particular, that they went through this with a couple of these “coaches” who set them up with women who they barely knew, were not interested in a relationship and were baffled at why they were being set up with these men.
A genuine professional Matchmaker should be coaching you at the same time they are matching you. It should be a package deal, at least it is in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service. It always has been and always will be. That’s part of the definition of a matchmaker isn’t it? So if you want a dating coach and to be matched then hire a professional Matchmaker who has been practicing her craft for twenty years or more…
DENVER DATING COACHES AND MATCHMAKING SERVICES WHO CHARGE MEN AND COACH WOMEN
Sadly there are services in Denver who charge only the men for their services and have “cattle calls” for “gorgeous” women to place with these men. The fee is exorbitant from what I’ve seen and been told. Men have stated that they don’t appreciate being the only ones who pay while the women, who are not vetted, just show up as if it were an interview for a modeling job. These men have stated they want women who also are making a financial investment in love.
Then there are the Denver matchmaking and dating coaches who matchmake the men and coach the women, again with a pool of women to select from for their male clients. To me that implies both that the women are making all of the mistakes and don’t know what they’re doing while the men get away with just paying a fee and selecting from a pool of women.
After 26 years in the matchmaking business and seeing many, many, many services come and go, I don’t understand why, especially professional Denver singles, wouldn’t hire a Matchmaker who does it all. A professional who isn’t partial to one sex or the other by only charging, in most cases the men, a Matchmaker who coaches all of her clients and actually matchmakes. THAT is what a professional Matchmaker does. Not just a little of this and a little of that and charges one sex but not the other, etc. Neither sex is getting the services they should. AND don’t pay a fee more than $5,500+ thinking that you will get more personalized service or that their clients are more high end. In all the cases I’ve seen, read and heard about the exact opposite is true. That extra money is going towards overhead, mostly advertising, not at all towards the clients’ services.
Please read POSTS TO READ BEFORE JOINING ANY DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE before deciding which direction to go in. I feel you might find that page very helpful.
WHY ARE THIS DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICE’S FEES SO REASONABLE IN THIS MARKET?
(Please click on the BLUE print to go to Posts)
From the beginning in 1989, based on the fees charged by the one dating service in town, Great Expectations, I decided there was a less expensive way to conduct this service. Along with many other features of GE that I did the opposite of, I also eliminated as much overhead as possible. Overhead is the first thing that will cause a business to fail.
For 25 years I have kept this business model but what I’ve found to be interesting is that, although none of the other Denver “matchmakers” have been in business as long or have the track record of success, they charge considerably more than I. The perception by the general public is sometimes that the more a business charges the more quality that business or service is. NOT TRUE! One need only read reviews and speak with singles who have used those services to learn that you don’t always get what you pay for.
I believe that a matchmaker provides a service that can change not only the two lives of the people who connect and fall in love, but family members who are attached to them. When successful it can be a life changing experience and is worth a certain investment in hopes of finding that new life. But there is a limit to charging outrageous fees just to make money off of people wanting to find a mate. The investment is different, in my opinion, based on the particular city. New York, Miami and L.A. will have higher fees just like every other business in those cities. What the service provides…services who charge more than $5500 and don’t show information, don’t show background check reports, don’t show pictures are obviously just in it for the money. Those are the things you should expect to receive when paying those fees. Along with coaching and being matched with people who fit your preferences!
My belief is and always has been that those services just come along as part of becoming a client in Bon Jour Matchmaking. Your investment is based on what I feel I can offer each individual client.
RERUN…WHY MATCHMAKERS, DATING COACHING AND DATING SERVICES DON’T WORK FOR EVERYONE
Is It Always the Services’ Fault?
After 34 years of matchmaking in Denver (or this applies to anywhere) the impression has become very clear that singles think that if they “pay a lot of money” to a matchmaker, matchmaking service, etc. THAT will be the definitive way to meet the right match. The more expensive the service, the more of a guarantee they “think” they are making to assure this outcome.
As you’ve read on my last Post about an outrageously expensive “matchmaking” company run by Lisa Clampitt in New York, she appeared, from the Complaint, to have not disclosed information or followed her client’s wishes. But the guy who wrote that Complaint agreed to pay $1500 to meet ONE woman without seeing any information except a picture. So whose fault was that really? You have to be a wise consumer! The fact he paid $1500 did not make this match outstanding. In fact he reports that he did not really care for her.
Many people who come to me have already tried the Internet dating and/or various local services and obviously since they are now coming to me they have not been successful. In many cases it was something with the service. In many cases those people have definite dating issues that get in the way of their success. Apparently the other services did not assist/coach them to correct those issues. So no matter what they try if they continue those habits and ways of thinking they will get the same result. It isn’t the vehicle, it’s the driver.
You can ask any of my clients, I really get in their business and try to clarify, redirect, encourage, be the voice of reason and common sense as I work with them in Bon Jour Matchmaking. But it is up to them as to whether they listen to me. Definitely click on this link to the Post as it will illuminate what I just said. I can talk to some clients until I can talk no more and they will continue either not to listen and do the opposite or maintain doing what they’ve always done.
One of the main areas where this issue comes up is in the selection of people to meet. This is not the Internet. Do not conduct your search in the same way you would using an Internet Dating Service or Apps or you will surely get the same results! Don’t come in and say, “this is the type I always date”. That one phrase tells both of us exactly why you have been unsuccessful. So as a client of Bon Jour we work very hard together to be more flexible, more open-minded and reasonable when selecting your matches together. That’s why it works so much of the time, but not all of the time or for everyone.
Bon Jour Matchmaking Service 