LENGTH OF TIME THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER HAS BEEN PRACTICING

Don’t discount the length of time a Denver matchmaking or Denver dating service has been in business.  Not only for their credibility and reliability but also for their experience and expertise.  I learn new things about Denver singles, dating and matchmaking every year.  I would have thought I knew it all by now after being in business since 1989 full time, but I’m always learning.

If a business has been operating for a long period of time there are bound to be clients who are unhappy.  Clients contribute to their dissatisfaction in a service by being too narrow in their criteria and preferences, not giving good people a chance, being too superficial, being a poor partner once they are in a relationship and/or being uncooperative or combative with the matchmaker.

Don’t discount the last possibility.  I have come across people who initially appear to genuinely want to find a mate but don’t walk the talk once they’ve been set up.  Even with direct feedback and coaching they don’t make an effort.  If you do this the way you’ve always mated then you may get the same results you’ve always gotten.  If you work with me it would benefit you to listen and incorporate the feedback I share from the people you meet.  Most of my clients are great at that and appreciate all Bon Jour Matchmaking has to offer.  But on occasion I work with someone who doesn’t get it and then gets mad.  Don’t shoot the messenger!  This is a collaboration and clients who have understood that have had the most success.

Also if when you call for your FREE PHONE CONSULTATION you give me one set of information, such as age range you wish to meet, then during the interview you give me a different answer that would not be beneficial to you.  Your fee is based on the information you share at the time of that phone consultation.  If you change it, which I had one gentleman do, when I interview you you are shorting yourself.  Had I known the age range he really wanted I would not have accepted him as a client at all and his criteria became much more narrow consequently I decided not to work with him.  So there is no benefit to not being candid and honest during that initial phone consultation.

My point of this post is that the longer a business has been operating and the more people they work with there are bound to be some who are dissatisfied for one reason or another, not always legitimate.

DATING FRENZY OR A MATE

I regularly read reviews of other services, not just local but national.  I’m not taking up for these services per se, however I have a problem with people complaining they didn’t get the “right” matches for them or enough matches.  One person wrote a service claimed to have I think 500 potential matches and “only” had 100.  Wow, isn’t 100 enough?  You only need one to be the right one!  Sure, you can make it a numbers game but in 29 years of successful professional matchmaking, as I’ve said all over this site, most people married either the first or second person they met!

Definition of a dating service:  Client buys a specific number of dates for a finite period of time.  Dating service may or may not (usually not) share profiles of prospects to clients.  In most cases they just throw people at clients hoping someone will click.  Often multiple “matchmakers” who don’t know all the clients and work on commission.

Definition of a matchmaker:  One matchmaker who interviews every client, extends an open contract and zeros in on what each client is specifically looking for.  Shares photos and extensive profiles with clients, coaches and collaborates with clients as to the best match.  Does NOT play a numbers game.

Generally I think the services disclose their structure when you meet with them.  If you choose to buy into that, a package of dates for a finite time at an exorbitant fee, you chose that.  The fact that they rarely actually match make anyone with the appropriate people is a pretty well known fact.  They know all they have to do is meet the contract of a certain number of dates and they’re in the clear.

It’s not the number of people you meet, it’s the quality and the commonality of morals, values and interests that make it successful.  That can happen with ONE match if done correctly rather than putting yourself through a dating frenzy.  If you want to meet lots of people (who may or may not misrepresent themselves and/or be felons like James Holmes) use the Internet Dating Sites.  But if you are truly serious about finding a “mate” then use a reputable professional matchmaker who gives you loads of information AND pictures.  In short, use a matchmaker NOT a dating service.

LET’S GET REAL!

Michele "the Matchmaker" Fields's avatarBon Jour Matchmaking Service

It’s Time to Get Real When Using Denver

 Dating/Matchmaking Venues

Regardless of whether you choose the Internet dating services, local activity groups, dinner groups or matchmakers as a client you need to get real!  If you expect to meet the perfect person right out of the gate you need to think again.   No service can guarantee when you call them initially or when you join that “the” perfect person is there waiting for you.   Having unrealistic expectations will only frustrate and disappoint you.  Timing and fate play a huge role in this process and that may have already been decided for a year after you join.  It is important to join a service that has an open-ended contract so when that “perfect match” presents themselves you are in the service!

The most appropriate questions to ask when contacting local services are:  How long have you been in business?  (Then check that…

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WHAT IS THE JOB OF A PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER AT BON JOUR MATCHMAKING?

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As I said in a previous Post, some issues have come up in the past couple of years that have never come up during my 28 years of matchmaking.  One such issue is the definition of a matchmaker in general and specifically in Bon Jour Matchmaking, a Denver matchmaking service.

This website does a great job of explaining what you should and may expect when working with me.  When you hire me you will receive coaching, which means if I think or hear from prospective matches negative things about your photos, the way you have phrased things on your profile, behavior upon your initial meeting, etc. I will:

  1. Share that with you so that you may adjust any or all of those to produce a positive and successful outcome;
  2.  You are hiring me to introduce you only to people who you have described you are interested in meeting and to whose criteria you fit;
  3.  To assist you in being realistic in your expectations of others and the service;
  4.  To give you direct feedback, whether positive or negative, from matches and from people who have viewed your information and had a repetitive issue with your profile so that we may correct that;
  5.  To assist you in zeroing in on what you are looking for, what you like and dislike, what your goal is.

You are not hiring me to:

  1.  Lie to you about your marketability;
  2.  Pretend that you are younger or more attractive than feedback from prospective matches share with me;
  3.  Accept everything you say at face value without further exploration both to make sure you fit in the service, I feel that you will be successful in your goals or “yes” you to death; i.e. a gentleman called and said right off the bat, “I’m the perfect client for your service.”  With further exploration during his free phone consultation, he admitted to having sleeve tattoos.  It happens that I ask clients how they feel about tattoos.  Every woman I’ve asked has specifically said NO SLEEVE TATTOOS.  They are professional women who will be taking their significant others to business events and are acutely aware of the impression such tattoos would make.  If I hadn’t spoken with this gentleman at length I would not have found that out before accepting him as a client.  Everything else fit except that.  Consequently I did not accept him as a client and he was very gracious and understanding as well as appreciative that I was honest and didn’t take his money unwarranted.  I will never say oh don’t worry about that when I know for a fact it is an issue;
  4.  Buy into a fantasy you may have that you look/act younger than you are so you should be meeting matches considerably younger…whether you are male or female;
  5.  In this service I deal in reality so as to facilitate the best outcome for each client.  This approach has accomplished more than 300 marriages.

Your responsibility:

  1.  To be honest about everything;
  2.  To keep your pictures and information current;
  3.  Not to withhold information, i.e. that you smoke, are planning on moving out of town, how many times you’ve been married, etc.  It is very much in your best interest to share this type of info as it will reflect in the fee that I quote you.  Or may dictate that I may not be able to assist you;
  4.  Work with me rather than against me;
  5.  Accept my feedback and coaching with an open mind and an open heart (that is what you are paying for);
  6.  Give me feedback in a timely manner.

My feedback and coaching are the biggest benefits of Bon Jour Matchmaking.  They should be viewed as such rather than taken as insults or that I’m not being supportive.  The fact that I share all of that is evidence that in this service you are very supported to achieve your goal!

RESPONSE TO YELP REVIEW BY JULIE

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BE SURE TO GO TO THE BOTTOM WHERE A COMMENT IS POSTED BY ONE OF HER FANS

This is a response to Julie’s review on YELP.  I accepted this woman in good faith that she genuinely wanted to find a mate.  At the same time she had called a gentleman was coming in who (as far as I could tell before interviewing either of them) might fit just what she explained she was looking for.

She neglected to tell me in advance (which determines your fee and also let’s me decide whether to work with you) that she smokes and is planning on moving out of state back where she moved from.  So not knowing that I shared, with permission BEFORE ANYONE PAID ME ANYTHING, both sets of photos to see if at least on the surface they would be a match.  They were very attracted to each other but I cautioned that without interviews yet I didn’t know whether there was a deeper match.  Again, ALL OF THIS WAS BEFORE EITHER WAS A CLIENT OR HAD PAID ME ANY MONEY.

She came in first for her two hour interview looking totally different than the glammed up photos she had sent me.  In fact she looked like she fell directly out of bed!  This is the first and only time we meet face-to-face, is that appropriate???  Her explanation was that she was out until 2 a.m. partying.  Then she proceeded to instruct me to lie about the smoking and lie about her intentions to move back to L.A.  This is NOT the Internet, you can’t come in here and lie.  Then I encouraged her to write a Narrative (she had viewed at least 10 of them) and throughout the interview I made suggestions of what to include to round out her profile before Friday when this gentleman was coming in.  Never heard from her again!  Finally on Thursday I wrote and tried to again encourage her to get me the Narrative before he came in.  She sent me this half assed thing that didn’t begin to resemble what she had been shown or coached about.  It shouted that she had no real interest in this endeavor, just like her appearance at the interview and her lies on the profile.  Again, I reminded her of what was appealing in a Narrative and it just kept getting worse.  With all of that in mind I decided not to represent her.  Can you blame me?  Would you want to pay money to meet someone like this?  I refunded her $1,034 (she always states that incorrectly as to the amount she was refunded) even though there is not one Denver matchmaking service who would have refunded a dime READ THEIR REVIEWS.  Remember, I started working for her before she was even a client or had paid any money…So written on the back of the check was “Negotiation of this check constitutes payment in full”.  Julie whited that out so that she could have the money and then bash me online…would you want to meet her?  BTW…my contracts state NO REFUND OF FEES repeatedly and I still refunded her the bulk of her fee!

Even in her review and complaints she has gotten the name of the service incorrect and the amount recovered wrong.  She even complains with no accuracy or interest enough to get the info right…Yes, I am very careful who I represent so that my clients don’t have to deal with people like this.

In a 28 year career I am bound to come across deceptive and inappropriate people who are not a good match for my clients.  I would rather decline to work with them than expose my clientele to them.

P.S.  Come to find out (from the guy) she contacted him behind my back but once meeting her he wanted nothing to do with her.

MORE REVIEWS OF DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICES

All information about Denver matchmaking services has come directly from either printed reviews and material already online and/or from callers or clients.  This is not my personal review.
From YELP:
Monday at 8 review:

I am a successful and attractive 43 year old with my act together. I would have had more success finding a match if I’d driven along Colfax and asked random men for their phone numbers. This company has no idea how to match people. I am a teacher but that is only one thing that I am. My first two dates involved educators. One of them was only teaching for one semester and hated it. This was his third career change and he was considering a fourth. The other was a substitute teacher and a volleyball coach. He arrived almost 30 minutes late wearing a baseball hat backwards and a track suit. The third date was not in education so at least the matchmakers got that much right. I wanted to explore people with professions other than my own. The third date walks everywhere to save money because things like milk are getting pretty expensive. I am not trying to sound elitist but these men were not at my level. I have a career, a Master’s degree and I have a savings account. I don’t drive a BMW but I can afford milk. I teach and tutor after school four hours a week but I was not late and I found the time to change my clothes. I am all for changing careers until you find something you love. However, I am not going to start a relationship with someone who is on his third career and is considering going back to school for a MD/PhD. The dates I went on were all complete jokes and total wastes of time. I may as well not have filled out any questionnaires or spoken to my matchmaker. He put zero thought into my matches. didn’t read my information or listen to a word I said. By the third date he still couldn’t get it right, not even close, so I gave up. I made a final effort and asked to work with a different matchmaker, a female. After meeting me for 20 minutes she matched me up with a date that was more of a match than the previous three. I had a nice date and would have seen him again. She was going to follow up with him, and look into another possible match that sounded interesting. I never heard from her again. I have thought about it for two months now and I feel as strongly as I did back then. I give Monday at 8 zero stars and do not recommend them for any reason. Unless you want to pay $1500 to go on dates that obviously will go nowhere, with people who don’t meet the criteria you want/deserve and you want to feel even worse about being single. They made a joke out of setting me up and did something I didn’t think was possible. They made me feel even more alone in the world of dating. Sign up on match.com or drive along Colfax Avenue and ask for phone numbers from random people on the street. You’re guaranteed to have more luck than you ever would with Monday at 8.

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 I hired Deirdre Shattuck-Cupid’s Cronies-as a dating coach/wing woman for three moths. Due to scheduling conflicts/weather, we agreed to work together an additional month. The final month never happened (explained later).

I signed a contract and with Deidre’s role defined as dating coach/wing woman (someone to attend social events). I emailed Deirdre several times and asked for coaching with make up and outfits. Deirdre promised we would work on these areas –she never delivered. In addition, she sent me one coaching exercise to complete, and when I asked to review  it, she wrote, “Yes, let’s make time.” She never followed through.

Ultimately, Deirdre’s role was a “wing woman,” attending social events and facilitating meeting people. Deirdre attended social events with me (hence the one star), but she did not focus on my client goals. Early in our working relationship, Deirdre left me alone at a bar, apparently so she could meet a date at another restaurant. (I learned about her plans after the fact). Several times Deirdre was being paid to be my wing woman, she handed out business cards to cultivate new business. The final evening I spent with Deirdre was at a wine tasting event and a bar down town. At the wine tasting event, Deirdre talked about her discomfort with her ex-boyfriend’s presence, rather than focusing on my client goals. After the event, we went to a bar down town. Upon arriving, we sat down with three men. Deirdre handed out her business cards, and it became apparent quickly that the three men were married. Despite this, Deirdre asked if we could join the married men for dinner, which they obliged. I left shortly there after and witnessed Deirdre surrounded by a table of four married men. (Another married man had arrived in the mean time).

The following day, I requested a partial refund from Deirdre. We had five more dates scheduled, but it was clear that my client needs and goals were not being met. I wanted to part ways professionally so I kept the email brief and business-like. Deirdre refused to provide a partial refund and blamed me by writing, “I spend x amount of time with each client. You wanted to spend all your allocated time going out every week, which is fine. If you had wanted to zone in another area more closely, you should have mentioned it and I would have happily fit it into our schedule.” I had emailed Deirdre several times regarding the coaching exercise, makeup, wardrobe, etc. and she never followed through. To state I never mentioned them to her was untrue. In addition, I was never informed there was a specific time allocation for her services, nor was it in the contract I signed. Rather than take responsibility for the failure to communicate with me, Deirdre faulted me for information she never provided.

Subsequently, I emailed Deirdre’s boss, April Davis, and asked how she would rectify the breach of contract. She responded, in part, by writing “..our Dating Coaches typically only meet with their clients approximately 5 hours per month on average.” In other words, Cupid’s Cronies coaches spend an average of 1 hour 15 minutes per week with a client, an equivalent to $187/hour. This information was not in the contract I signed, nor was I told that there was specific time allocated for coaching — until I asked for a partial refund.

Deirdre Shattuck and April Davis didn’t attempt to remedy my dissatisfaction, and they didn’t address Deirdre’s unprofessionalism. Although Deirdre attended social events with me, I didn’t get the services I was promised or the services that were outlined in the contract.

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This is Great Expectations! This is the same company that was sued by 3 Attorney Generals, gives you a total hard sell, and charges huge membership fees.  If you want the real scoop on this company … just Google Great Expectations. Same company … same ol schtick! __________________________________________________________________

Do NOT join this dating service. They call it “rebranding” by changing their name to Mile High Singles. They were previously known as Great Expectations. If you Google that name you will find out why they dropped it. While I said goodbye to my money, I don’t want anyone else to be taken. I was lucky. I held out with their high pressure sales and only got taken for $2,500.00. Fees start at $10,000 and up with them giving special offers so they are sure to get you for something. Student of Love discount…Friends and Family discount….I can’t believe I fell for it so don’t you too! They promise a client list of thousands when only very few people are actually active members. I filed a report with the Better Business Bureau with  no resolution. I am attempting to get a news investigation initiated to warn the general public. Don’t do it!

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DO NOT SIGN UP!!! They will set you up with whomever is handy! They do not listen to what you are looking for. I can’t tell you how many times I went out to lunch only to meet people that were not anything like I told them I was looking for… I spent a lot of money because this service is supposed to be personalized and it is so far from that.

It’s Just Lunch has been a very frustrating service to work with. They present a beautiful picture of awesome dates, and that they have this large database of individuals to match you with. However, in the few dates I have been on, I feel like my voice is not being heard.  They claim it is better then online dating, but my experiences online have been much more enjoyable. They do not listen to what you are interested in. It is very expensive, and so far, it has not been worth it. The worst part – they are not helping their business  by setting me up with terrible dates, because I tell everyone (my entire office, single friends, and anyone who wants to listen) about how much of a joke it is. I would rather them not waste my time and wait to send me on a date that might be a more suitable match.

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Tried IJL 2 different times years apart. Both experiences were disappointing at best. As a woman, I paid $1500 for 3 dates over 3 months.  Doesn’t make sense to me that I don’t get to see photos before a date, as I definitely was matched with men that would never fall into my definition of physically attractive. I also felt that there was a stable of men who were used as necessary to fulfill IJL’s dating designations. I met a man who told me that was his role.  Not worth your time, money, and energy.

WORKING WITH A MATCHMAKER SHOWS YOUR WORTH

Rather than feeling like people perceive you as desperate or a loser, you should really feel that because you are so special and have so much going for you that you’ve chosen to have the exclusive representation of a professional matchmaker!

Working with a Denver matchmaker is not something you should feel embarrassed about.  Do you feel embarrassed that you have a CPA do your taxes?  That you have a hairdresser cut and/or style your hair?  That you have a financial advisor manage your investments?  You choose to work with professionals who excel in their fields so that you will get the best results.  Why would that be any different with a professional Denver matchmaker?

You would think people would be more embarrassed to admit they met on the Internet dating sites, dating apps or in a bar.  In this day and age those venues are more for the average single, whereas hiring a Denver matchmaking service to work with you is more for single, well educated professionals who have excelled in their chosen careers.  Denver singles who are discriminating in who they wish to introduce into their successful lives and share a future with.

So now in 2022 consider yourself intelligent, careful and worth hiring a professional Denver matchmaker to achieve your personal goal.

YOUR UNSPOKEN PERK AS A BON JOUR MATCHMAKING CLIENT

Something that my clients often thank me for which is not necessarily something I write a lot about is the quality of clients in Bon Jour.

I so often have to decline working with people who I perceive from our conversation and/or interaction are not invested enough, communicative and/or reliable.  Because many of my clients have used Internet dating sites and/or local Denver matchmaking services, MeetUps, lunch services or dinner gatherings and found people not to follow through or seem invested in finding a life long relationship, they truly appreciate my discretion in which singles really fit their goal.

I’m always grateful and somewhat surprised when a client thanks me for turning someone down.  This is what they expect of me…to filter only the most appropriate candidates for them to meet.

As I have said in previous posts, I start evaluating from our first interaction (whether it be phone or email) a person’s realism, reliability, communication and has a good understanding of the philosophy of Bon Jour Matchmaking.  There is a momentum in dating and in any relationship, whether business or personal, and if that momentum is broken it puts the whole relationship at risk.  As your Denver matchmaker I do all that I can to make sure things go smoothly and correct any misconceptions or miscommunications.

WHY DENVER MATCHMAKING SERVICES DON’T WORK FOR EVERYONE

Over my 28 (as of 1/1/17) year career I’ve seen it all.  What I have seen that I didn’t anticipate is that although I can introduce people to great clients with lots of potential, they themselves can derail what could have been a successful lifetime match.

Believe it or not I’ve found this mostly with women.  Single women tend to fill up their lives with a variety of activities, as well they should, however if you hire a Denver matchmaker one would presume you are serious about finding love and do everything you can to create an environment for this to flourish.

I have found in a handful of cases that these particular female clients refuse to make room in their lives or curtail some of these activities to cultivate a relationship.  Thus my men become frustrated and disappointed and move on.  Although I have given feedback to these women they refuse to make any changes.  Thus they have been unsuccessful.  That is totally their own responsibility.  I can introduce a client to wonderful people but if they don’t put forth the effort they will not succeed.

It’s the same with any client who does not listen to the feedback but expects a relationship to work without any flexibility on their part or any concessions.

On the other hand, the people who listen to my suggestions, pay attention to the feedback and make a genuine effort are the clients who do find success!

DENVER MATCHMAKERS CHARGING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR LIMITED CONTRACTS

I received a call from a gentleman the other week who explained that he had just spoken with a Denver dating coach/”matchmaker” who quoted him the following fees:

For a 6 month contract $7500

If he should marry someone she introduces him to she receives a $25,000 bonus

This is a person who has only been in this business a couple of years.  There is absolutely no reason to pay fees like that.  They are out of line in general and definitely out of line for Denver singles.  Just because you pay enormous fees doesn’t mean you will have any more success in that service.

It seems like Denver matchmakers are trying to out do each other with over-the-top fees.  This has nothing to do with the clients only how much money these people can make to top each other.

As the oldest Denver matchmaker (36+ years) and the most successful (300+ marriages), I do not even charge those extravagant fees.  It just is not necessary.  I have had more success for my clients since 1989 with a more reasonable investment than these pricey services.  I offer more assistance/coaching and an open-ended contract than all of them and even with all of that feel there is a limit to the pricing.

Of course, if you feel that the service is more impressive or will be more successful if you pay more money, I am more than willing to take a larger fee…but that’s silly isn’t it?